Tricky expat choices - 11+ Year 7 entry boarding vs Year 9 day school (academic)

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Would appreciate any input on this conundrum, scenarios, and thoughts on specific schools that might work well. We are Brits living in USA and we are planning to return to UK within a 2 - 3 year timeframe. DD is 10 yrs and DS is 8 yrs. DD is academic, a top student in her year group.

We are wrestling with 2 possible options for DD:

1. Maintaining status quo and keeping DD in US school and then 'hoping' we can find a space at a good private academic school (Day school) on our return (at 12 or 13 years old) when she would have missed the 11+ entry.

1. Entering DD for the 11+ admissions process remotely for Sept 2018 entry to a private boarding school and then have her board for the first year, possibly 2, which is not our preference but ensures she has a place at a good academic school on our return. (Revert to day or weekly board or return)

Trying to work out if first option will work or will fail to secure good school place at 13. Trying to work out if boarding for a year at 11 is doable or just too difficult. We are flexible on location within West London out to Home Countries in Surrey (possibly Berks/Bucks). Need to be able to commute to London on return (and assume new location will be the new school area). Any specific school suggestions also helpful (DD is academic, arts & theatre, fitness & gymnastics not team sports, confident)

Any constructive thoughts would be great. Or maybe we are missing a better option but these are the 2 obvious choices we are considering. TIA...

Just based on my own experience, where my parents were abroad and sent me to school 'later', please be aware of the social impacts on a girl who turns up 'late' when all the other friendship groups have already formed. It took me a week or two to notice, that everyone else already had a 'friend' and there was no one left for me, sounds pathetic just writing that and I went on to get friendly with some others but i never really had a 'best friend' til the sixth form, when groups were mixed up and there was new intake.

Arriving 'late' I also missed lots of information about which 'corridors' i was allowed to use and which were sixth form only. I only found out by transgressing the rules, which again didn't make me any more popular.

It may be different nowadays, and the schools may be much more geared up to different intake years.

Please at least ask the school what arrangements they make for intake at different years and what numbers they have at each point, being the only 'new girl' in a whole year was no fun at all.

The rest of school, being much more independent from my parents, was brilliant. I loved travelling by myself, still do. All the best for your DD.

We have always kept the kids with us, and it has worked out fine. Bright kids will do well wherever they are. Dd1 is off to university in September with plenty of good offers, and all three have gained immeasurably by experiencing different school systems. She has decided to go to university where we are now, rather than in the UK. My friends daughter just returned to Uk for A levels and is a day pupil at her mum's old school. Her sister returned at the same time and is a day pupil starting y9. Most things will work out with smart kids and a stable home environment. There isn't really a right and wrong.

Are there really no day schools you like the look of which have a year 9 entry?

if the only schools you like are 11+ or ad hoc places only, thnn yes, you have to decide on your attitude towards risk (of not getting a place)

But the crucial factor has to be what your DD thinks of the prospect of boarding and at such a distance from the rest of you.

Are there any schools in that area with 13+ entry papers?

Also, and I don't know about this. Is top of the year in US upper primary transferable to an accademic UK school? Certainly in the lower Primary/elementary years, the British Curriculum is ahead of the US ime. Probably because the UK starts reading earlier, but I don't know where the two systems equalise.

A friend I grew up with went through the same thing (I'm American). Her family was planning to relocate back to the UK when she was around 13/14 years old. They sent her to boarding school in England for secondary and the rest of her family remained in the US for several more years. She had a very hard time adjusting and was very unhappy to be perfectly honest. She felt a lot of pressure to "fit in" in the boarding school and was teased for having an American accent etc. Things improved when her family went back but it was very hard on her.

I would think carefully about the non-academic aspects for your daughter. I know culturally in the UK it's normal to board at 11/12 years old but it's quite young and especially at that distance - is it truly necessary?

I'd also ask what type of school in the US your daughter attends, it is an academic school? Public or private?

Its interesting that our main thought on the social / emotional side is the impact of boarding at 11+, when the problems could actually be joining at 13 when friends are already made. Our main concern for the 13+ entry timeframe was that there would be no academic places available...

Re day schools, as far as Im aware there are not many girls only (our preference) academic day schools with significant Yr 9 entry. Plse tell me if anyone knows otherwise.

Re DD opinion, she actually surprised us and said she was keen to go at 11+, even if boarding, after asking a lot of questions, as she wanted to start when the other girls start as thought it would be hard joining later...

Schools that state that they have a 13+ entry will have places then, and will already be taking registrations for that entry point. They won't just cancel it, and they won't necessarily have either the space or the inclination to expand their years 7and 8 to the same size as their year 9

There are girls schools which have 13+ entry points, not much point is posting lists of school names as info readily available from guides/websites. But if they are not the schools you are interested in, then it doesn't really matter if there are many or few.

Hurrah. I'm very impressed to read that your DD has already worked out that being there from the start would be important. It never occurred to me at that age, but then I had only been to international schools, which had really been geared up for the constant joining/leaving of expat children. Public school in England, at least, values different things.

Re the comments about leveling, yes there are differences, but I think DD can match or beat in Maths (anecdotally a boy just arrived from UK in her class and was further behind and she has tried the UK papers and got most of it). English need to evaluate UK past papers still but she is reportedly above her grade level. If there was an expectation of Languages we would have a problem though, it doesnt exist :-0.

In some ways Im surprised its a significant worry for her (not starting at same age) and was surprised she made that the important factor. In the areas of USA we live there are lots of international kids coming and going, plus parents change schools willy nilly all the time, as a result there is a real culture of including new kids from the off that is astounding to see as a Brit. They talk about 'filling buckets, not emptying them', not 'popping bubbles' and so on. Its cringetastically effective at integration. Maybe UK schools have got better at this, maybe not...

Seems like you've pretty much decided to go with 11+ boarding then!

I don't think starting at a different age would be a problem if it is as a Y9 student as part of thenormal admissions programme. The school DD is going to in September (girls only, south London) has a specific Y9 entry point. That was the only one I checked.

Definitely not decided to go w 11+ boarding. I'm not sure we could actually deal with the emotional side of parting w her, and it would affect her younger brother as well. Pretty torn between the 2 options, just gathering some alternative voices.

From my own limited experience as a mother (DD is 20 months old!) and from my friend who cried on my shoulder at every holiday for two years while she was boarding in the UK - I wouldn't do it. It is really very far to send an 11/12 year old when there is a clear alternative to enter at year 9 down the line. It's one thing when children from Asia and Africa are sent to the UK for an education as there's a big difference between staying home and going overseas. If she's in a good American school honestly it doesn't seem necessary.

Also what would happen if the expat posting was extended and you didn't end up moving back on schedule? I'm currently overseas as an expat myself and this happens all the time.

Many independent schools add more than 20% at 13+ and are often more flexible on entry criteria and timing for overseas candidates even if they largely rely on pretesting and Common Entrance. Some only intake at 13+. Dc school sets its own 13+ papers taken in November for entry the following September and this is increasingly common. Numbers rise from about 90 to approx 130. Do register early though as candidate lists may close over a year ahead of the exam sitting for some schools or they may pretest at 11 then make offers for 13+.

I would ring the Registrars at Epsom College & St Johns Leatherhead, I think you will be pleasantly surprised to see how keen they are on taking girls at 13+. Both schools give you mixed day and boarding options with entry at 11 & 13. if you look at the school bus routes they give you a large list of areas to commute from if you go for day. Your ds could enter at 11. The facilities at both are stunning and St Johns has a wonderful atmosphere.

I did a similar thing - went boarding in year 6 while my parents were in Canada - they thought having a term in the system ahead of 11+ would help. (Not suggesting you need to do that - and it didn't work out that way for me anyway as they stuck me up a year so I never took the damn exam anyway).

There are more year 9 entries than there used to be, but mostly in co-ed and , ironically, girls only boarding as the trad girls schools have had to accommodate to the changes caused by the former boys boarding schools going mixed.

The top academic london day schools (random selection - Paul's girls, city of london, godolphin and latymer, james allen) do not generally have formal 13+ entry so if you wanted those you would be relying on occasional places, which could be tricky from a distance (but worth asking them if they have a less overt route). The top london schools are horribly oversubscribed - there will be more flexibility at the good country schools.

To explore the 11+ boarding option, you are looking for a very particular school - decent boarding so she has a good time at weekends in the first years, but also decent day for when you return. And commutable. Have a look at st Catherine's Bramley which I think would fit that profile.

I suppose you could also consider a boarding prep like The Dragon if the years worked , which could hedge your bets about which path to take at 13+ , if the timings worked out. But it would involve 2 school moves.

DD is starting Sixth Form at a private school, and they have entry exams at 13+ which they wouldn't be doing if they weren't willing to take them on. As said, contact a few schools to get a feel. Many will be breaking up in the next week or so and then they'll be a long break (obviously some staff will be around) so if you want to make a decision or have something to think about before September, it's worth contacting them now.

You might want to look at Woldingham. Wonderful grounds, fantastic facilities esp the theatre. They take 60 at 11+, probably about a third of whom are borders, and quite a few of these are overseas. My DD is in Y8 and has two girls from USA in her year, although not sure if the family are overseas. They also have another 30 join at 13+ and more girls tend to board as they go up the school. They run a team building day early on in Year 9 to help integrate the new girls.

I should add that Woldingham is a Catholic school but you do not need to be Catholic to go there.

My dds are in private academic London day schools.
I've been astonished at the number of children leaving and joining.
Their school take an additional class at yr9 (13+ entry). That's the route I would go down.

Thanks all some really helpful feedback - especially some specifics on schools. keep it coming !

I went to boarding school aged 10 - so a little earlier than your DD but similar. My brother started at the same time as me and our family has never recovered emotionally, we haven't really felt like a family since. I've recently cut contact with my brother as he's so angry and unpleasant, and I struggle with my parents who I feel delegated actual parenting for half of my childhood.

There weren't the distance issues and I'm sure there will be plenty of posters along to talk up how boarding made them wonderfully independent etc, but wanted to get in another view. You say your DD is keen on boarding, but this is also how my mum rationalises it to me - I 'wanted to go'. But aged 9 I'd been given the hard sell by them about how fun it would and had no concept of what leaving home actually meant. Additionally I was bullied by the girls I shared a room with which is admittedly a worst case scenario. But please do think this through carefully, and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. Incidentally I moved schools at 14 and immediately made friends - year 10 felt like quite a good time to start as everyone was growing out of childhood friendships and finding their teenage cliques.

My daughter is starting at an independent boarding/day school this September and they add in another small class worth of girls at 13+ so she wouldn't be alone and there would be scholarships etc open for girls starting at this point to apply for. I think it depends on the school, if you find a school you all love then ask about 13+ intake, your problem would be solved.