Tricky expat choices - 11+ Year 7 entry boarding vs Year 9 day school (academic)

[userOMG]

Would appreciate any input on this conundrum, scenarios, and thoughts on specific schools that might work well. We are Brits living in USA and we are planning to return to UK within a 2 - 3 year timeframe. DD is 10 yrs and DS is 8 yrs. DD is academic, a top student in her year group.

We are wrestling with 2 possible options for DD:

1. Maintaining status quo and keeping DD in US school and then 'hoping' we can find a space at a good private academic school (Day school) on our return (at 12 or 13 years old) when she would have missed the 11+ entry.

1. Entering DD for the 11+ admissions process remotely for Sept 2018 entry to a private boarding school and then have her board for the first year, possibly 2, which is not our preference but ensures she has a place at a good academic school on our return. (Revert to day or weekly board or return)

Trying to work out if first option will work or will fail to secure good school place at 13. Trying to work out if boarding for a year at 11 is doable or just too difficult. We are flexible on location within West London out to Home Countries in Surrey (possibly Berks/Bucks). Need to be able to commute to London on return (and assume new location will be the new school area). Any specific school suggestions also helpful (DD is academic, arts & theatre, fitness & gymnastics not team sports, confident)

Any constructive thoughts would be great. Or maybe we are missing a better option but these are the 2 obvious choices we are considering. TIA...

In London there is quite a lot of movement at 13+. Girls will leave day schools to go boarding, and academic schools often have an bit of a weed out of those kids not putting the effort in. And obviously expat kids get relocated.

Also many schools will be reshuffling classes and children will be selecting options, so being new will not be obvious in all but the smallest schools.

Assuming you are headed back to London (a typical MN assumption) I would contact registrars of suitable schools (G&L, LEH, some of the GDSTs etc) and ask about the likelihood of occasional places, and the process. They will have taken children from different educational systems at this point (not least the Lycee CDG seems to shed a few pupils at this stage) and nearer the time should be able to give you an idea of what catch up would be sensible.

Given occasional places are unpredictable, you might need to apply to a few schools. Of do as others suggest and look toward some of co-ed day/weekly boarding schools on the periphery of London. (Though these are often less academically selective than London day schools.)

i have a friend who is a teacher at a London girls day school.The impression i have from her is that they are starting to factor in possible impact of Brexit on their numbers, and therefore are thinking about whether they need to change theirapproach to admissions and ocassional vacancies. i think that means that they expect more occasional vacancies and that they may be prepared to be a bit flexible to taking on a good student even if it takes them a bit above ideal class size in the short term.

I think it will depend on your daughter's personality how easy it will be to join a school in a later year than the main start point. I know a couple of girls who have moved schools (in one case part way through a year). One was miss popular at her new school from day 1 and the other took a little longer to build a friendship group than when she started her original school in y7 but is now fine.
Schools often do a class reshuffle at the start of Y9 and that does cause changes in friendship groups. I think joining at the same time as a class reshuffle would make it easier, so it might be worth asking the schools you speak to when they shuffle their classes.

With a day school you get to spend time with your child. With a boarding school you don't.

How is that not the main issue for you?

Assuming you are headed back to London (a typical MN assumption)

It's not an assumption, that's what the OP says.

I did not spot this. Then why are people recommending Surrey schools normally only considered by London parents for those kids struggling to find a place in London selective day schools.

Aldenham (not especially academic but gets the best out of all kids) has a 13+ entry and is always looking to increase girl numbers as it's boy heavy. You should have no problem getting a place. You could live in NW London / Herts or further into N London as they have a fairly extensive coach service plus boarding too.

I've been trawling round the SW London day schools for DD's 11 plus next year. As someone said upthread I'm surprised at the movement between all these schools in the first few years. I've been shown around by various girls who seemed to join at random times- from other schools, from families that have moved etc.
I suspect it's all a lot easier to join in other years than people think.

If your DD boards from 11+, you may find that she prefers to continue as a boarder even when you are back in UK. How would that sit with you?

why are people recommending Surrey schools

I imagine it's because the OP said "We are flexible on location within West London out to Home Countries in Surrey (possibly Berks/Bucks)."

Assuming you have no family near by and Ive read this right you're going to need full boarding for years 7 and 8 then weekly/flexi/day from then on.
In the UK the vast majority of boarding schools are weekly/flexi with full boarders very much in the minority especially in the lower years, as you can see from some on the comments on here UK family do not have much appetite for boarding especially under 13's. From personal of my own DS's boarding at this age experience its pretty miserable for a 11/12 hear old to be in school all weekend with a handful of others when most of your fronds have gone home and even harder if your parents are in the US.
I'm not overly knowledgable on girls boarding schools but I think you might struggle to find a school in the Home home counties that has lots of full borders in yrs 7 and 8 and that offers weekly/flexi/day as well.
If I was you I would look at a boarding prep which has a goos number of full boarders and,which is preparing children for 13+ entry, Dragon has already been mentioned and the other one to consider is Windlesham House it has an excellent reputation. They will be able to advise you as to what senior schools to look at.
"I went to boarding school aged 10 - so a little earlier than your DD but similar. My brother started at the same time as me and our family has never recovered emotionally, we haven't really felt like a family since. I've recently cut contact with my brother as he's so angry and unpleasant, and I struggle with my parents who I feel delegated actual parenting for half of my childhood."
Just to add another perspective. My DS's boarded from an early age DS2 from 7, we are happy loving well adjusted if eccentric family, we couldn't feel more "like a family" if we tried. Over the years numerous people have actually commented on what a happy family we are, these comments have come from a wide range of people: non boarding children who've holidayed with us, health care professionals, other parents often anti boarders, even total strangers etc and no one in our family is "angry or unpleasant". I'm not under any illusions some hate boarding and its ruined their lives especially thirty + years ago but many thrive and it does not damage them as people or their relationship with their family. I'm not saying definitely board and its much harder when you're so far away, but just consider all your options with an open mind.

Michaelahpurple - yes, seems there are more Yr 9 entries for co-ed, that might have to be a reconsideration. We had thought West London on return and would target G&L, SPGS, LEH, maybe Latymer, but as you say thats probably out of the question as entry is 11+ on the whole and v competitive. Hence why we came to this dilemma and alternative boarding idea - but maybe we'll have to widen the net and think home counties . St Cats Bramley jumped out to us as well, as a boarding option that has day and is commutable as well. Be good to hear via PM from any parents w DD's at St Cats.

annoyinguser12345 - Yes it might be that there is more movement in London Day schools than they want to let on, as its inconvenient for them etc. We have had direct feedback from one admissions person at a top school that there is usually very little at theirs but there may be the possibility of more movement in next few yrs due to Brexit.

happygardening and others...

• Yes, its a struggle to find significant no's of girls in full boarding at this age (in schools with option to change to Day), so could be bad at the weekends. An expat family we know here sent there DD to Rodean at 13+ for this reason, mostly full boarding. As you say we are trying to keep an open mind to all the options at the moment, best way to research, otherwise pointless as biased. In our fam DH was at boarding school, and although it was difficult for the first 6-12 months the overall experience was positive and his relnship with parents & sibs is good. I'm also pretty sure boarding schools are not what they used to be - the facilities and opportunities for the kids are amazing, and the communication technologies are worlds apart. This is not like 30 yrs ago queuing up for the payphone and pumping in 50p pieces every 10 seconds to speak to parents, its daily facetime calls. Before I get jumped on, yes I know its not the same, but its a consideration.

UserOMG I agree with a PP that you have to consider the possibility that once your DD has made the adjustment of being a full boarder for 2 years then it is very likely that she won't want to revert to being a day pupil, unless she is one of those very few who never settle or the school is not really a boarding school in which case as an 11 year old she would have at best a pretty underwhelming 2 years not worth moving her. I can honestly say that over the years that when I have quizzed happy full boarders about whether they would want to become day pupils,if it were possible at the same school, they invariably regard the idea as a retrograde step both socially and for the independence they have become accustomed to.
I think you have to make the decision of whether to go with boarding for the duration but potentially somewhere like Wycombe Abbey where the Londoners can go home a lot at weekends, or hold on for the occasional day place at 13 in London schools with the fallback of weekly boarding at 13.

When I say for the duration, I mean at least until sixth form (when a move to a day co-ed sixth from a girls' boarding school does seem a natural transition point for quite a few)

UserOMG if your dd is bright enough to get into SPGS then I am sure there will be plenty of London day schools delighted to offer her a place at 13+. These may be further down the league table, still excellent, but don't come with.bragging rights like the ones you listed. The GDST through schools seem to lose girls to boarding at 13+ which creates some movement and she wouldn't be the only one joining.

To me it seems a very drastic solution to send an 11 year old to another country for 2 years because of concerns about getting a school place. These years can be very difficult emotionally for girls and friendship issues are very common. There have been threads on here about the struggles of Y7 for dds, and I have seen this for myself. I would not have wanted my dd not to be able to come home to the support and love of her family when she has had a difficult day at school. Joining at the same time as everyone else is no guarantee of an easy time.

OP, be careful about boarding at 11. Happy Gardening is a strong advocate, but she does not have girls, and certainly our observation is that girls, particularly during the tricky 11-13 years can be very different.

Of the relatively few girls that started boarding early, three had to be pulled out after a term or two because they were deeply unhappy. Nice girls from straightforward families, who went on to settle elsewhere. And whose families were not too far away when they started experiencing problems.

Really if your daughter is bright, schools will want to have her. (Caveat, obviously, as if they don't have places they won't. Also look at co-eds as they may have lost girls to boarding but be picking up boys from preps so will want to keep their numbers even.) And for bright kids, London's selective schools can be great fun, challenging and interesting. Returning from the States will be tough enough. Do it as a family rather than send her over early.

And the same boarding schools will probably still have places at 13, so if she really did not get anything in London she could weekly board at St Cats, Epsom etc from 13.

American state junior highs for grades 6-8 or 7-9 are dire. They are rife with bullying. Often, there is no setting or streaming. Quality MFL instruction is difficult to find. Children receive heavy political indoctrination, and not enough factual learning.
If you choose to keep your daughter in the States with you, there are many good girls' private day and boarding schools which will keep her gaining academically. Many Catholic schools offer excellent value for money.
What sort of school does your daughter attend now?

As a parent having DCs in London day schools I am also shocked at the amount of movement in senior school in the early years. It isn't only expat families in London returning home but also local families moving abroad. You also see a lot of movement from single sex to co-ed or visa versa because it didn't work out, kids get off to a bad start and move to start afresh and an incredible number get moved to specialist drama schools because that is their passion!

I don't know why anyone bothers with 11+, there are places everywhere in later years.

"Happy Gardening is a strong advocate, but she does not have girls, and certainly our observation is that girls, particularly during the tricky 11-13 years can be very different."
Lots of girls boarding at DS2's prep I thought they seemed as happy as most of he boys. The girls had super house parents and lived in a sepeate girls only house, I never saw it but everyone said it was really nice and with a very happy atmosphere. It very much depends on the school, the staff the other pupils and the individual child's personality..

Ericaequites if OP is considering sending her daughter to boarding school in the UK I suspect she can afford either to live in a top public school district or send her child to private school in the US.

The way you describe it I wonder how I survived growing up in America

Newbian- There are very good and quite dire private schools in the States. Middle school is miserable, full of queen bees and bad behavior. Even some very good school districts have poor junior highs. It's two or three years of betwixt and between.

A third option for OP would be a rigorous traditional junior boarding schoo in the United States.. Most of those are in the Northeast. Her daughter could be well prepared closer to home.