Tricky expat choices - 11+ Year 7 entry boarding vs Year 9 day school (academic)

[userOMG]

Would appreciate any input on this conundrum, scenarios, and thoughts on specific schools that might work well. We are Brits living in USA and we are planning to return to UK within a 2 - 3 year timeframe. DD is 10 yrs and DS is 8 yrs. DD is academic, a top student in her year group.

We are wrestling with 2 possible options for DD:

1. Maintaining status quo and keeping DD in US school and then 'hoping' we can find a space at a good private academic school (Day school) on our return (at 12 or 13 years old) when she would have missed the 11+ entry.

1. Entering DD for the 11+ admissions process remotely for Sept 2018 entry to a private boarding school and then have her board for the first year, possibly 2, which is not our preference but ensures she has a place at a good academic school on our return. (Revert to day or weekly board or return)

Trying to work out if first option will work or will fail to secure good school place at 13. Trying to work out if boarding for a year at 11 is doable or just too difficult. We are flexible on location within West London out to Home Countries in Surrey (possibly Berks/Bucks). Need to be able to commute to London on return (and assume new location will be the new school area). Any specific school suggestions also helpful (DD is academic, arts & theatre, fitness & gymnastics not team sports, confident)

Any constructive thoughts would be great. Or maybe we are missing a better option but these are the 2 obvious choices we are considering. TIA...

I really wouldn't send an 11 year old thousands of miles away from her family just to secure a school place.

I realise that boarding now is very different, but my dh was sent to boarding school aged 11 when his parents moved abroad. He was desperately unhappy, especially as almost everyone else went home for half term and he had to stay in school. He did go to his parents for the longer holidays and occasionally his mother would come to the UK for half term. Thirty years on, he now has very little contact with his parents as he's never really forgiven them.

I appreciate that not everyone has a negative experience of boarding, and that you will be able to Skype etc to keep in touch, but it will be hard on your dd. Especially if there are friendship issues, which there often are at that age.

Happy Gardening may say "Lots of girls boarding at DS2's prep I thought they seemed as happy as most of he boys. The girls had super house parents and lived in a separate girls only house, I never saw it but everyone said it was really nice and with a very happy atmosphere. " but it is rather second hand.

My own experience is that girls between the ages of 10 and 13 can be very tricky, and socially Yrs 7 & 8 are tough.

They get through it, but my experience, albeit of a girl that did not board, was that a lot of parental hand-holding was needed. "super house parents" are not necessarily a substitute.

My earlier post was unclear. We knew relatively few girls who went to board aged 11 but of that small number, 3 returned within a term or two because they were so unhappy. And these were normal straight forward and happy girls who were not thousands of miles away. (Think Kate Middleton who had to be moved from Downe House.)

I would be very cautious. There is a reason why many London girls delay boarding till they are 13. Plus there is no reason to do it, as there will be suitable places, day or boarding, at 13+ for a bright girl.

(And a reason, albeit a different one, why many then apply to London sixth forms.)

My DD boarded from 8 firstly at a co ed prep with her DB and then at an all girls boarding school. Like happy gardening we are a close family who have lived overseas and our DC enjoyed their boarding experience.
By the way Kate Middleton was a day girl at Downe House, not a boarder. A strange choice as only a very few day girls.
OP I would second a pp comments about looking at windlesham house if you decide on a boarding prep.

Thanks all for the very useful posts, its always good to get different opinions and info. The swing-o-meter is moving in the direction of 13+ day entry currently. I think the commentary that has aided this was : the difficulty of the age for girls, the potential for DD not to want to return to day from boarding, the relatively fixed location it creates in advance for the family, and multiple posters implying there may be more choices at 13+ than we were given to believe. It probably does mean we have to relegate the idea of a highly selective academic London school (G&L, Latymer etc) and think more along the lines of a co-ed school (rather than girls-only) that have some 13+ entry like KGS, St Johns Leatherhead, Epsom College.

• We think DD will have a better chance at 11+ exams than Common entrance exams due to lack of MFL teaching and very different science here in California. So we are thinking about whether we should still do those exams remotely... The only girls-only school we have found that allows you to do 11+ and defer entry to 13 is Sir William Perkins in Chertsey. In SW London and Surrey. Anyone know of any others???

Speak to the schools about what they might require for an occasional place at 13+ and they may not be required to offer a language. (And even if they did it could probably be Spanish.)

At the earliest schools will start GCSE syllabus at 13. If there may be gaps, say in science, I would take a look at Galore Parks 'so you really want to learn....' series. They follow the CE syllabus and are, in part, designed for home teaching. If your daughter is bright she may enjoy the more.

Do not rule out the more academic schools. They will have some places, especially Latymer Upper, which has a prep so loses some to boarding at 13+.

Consider KGS, but also the GDSTs, Ibstock, Harrodian, Emanuel (which takes several at 13+) and the Dulwich schools. Firing off a detailed email a year before you get back will give a sense of which are worth trying for. You will get somewhere and most London Private schools are good. I am always surprised when I hear people talk about a school 'only' being 50th in National league tables.

If you are looking towards the US for University you might need to think again for sixth form, but that is another bridge for another time.

(And even now I shudder when I think back to the age 10-13 friendship issues. Pre-teen girls can be beastly. They calm down and turn into lovely engaging young women, but of all the years of my daughter's childhood these are the ones when she needed me most.)

Guildford High School (very academic girls' school) will consider families relocating to the area outside of normal admissions times;
www.guildfordhigh.surrey.sch.uk/joiningghs

St John's Leatherhead is not known to be particularly academic and probably caters for 'average and above'.

Much more academic are co-ed schools such as:

City of London Freemen's School (Ashtead - just up the road from Leatherhead) www.freemens.org/apply - pre-tests in Year 6 or 7 for Year 9 entry, plus other entry points. Freemen's also has a junior school from Year 3.

Reigate Grammar School;
www.reigategrammar.org/admissions/entry-at-13/

Perhaps also look at somewhere like Sevenoaks School (Kent but Sevenoaks is an easy commute to London);
www.sevenoaksschool.org/home/

If you do not mind losing your deposit, there's nothing to stop you from securing a Year 9 deferred place at one school, then applying for an ad hoc place at other schools nearer the time.

Or apply for a place at 11+
then your plans to return can change.
I think you're then much more likely to be accepted quickly without a further exam sometime before yr9.

Look at St Catherine's, Bramley, Surey, Tormead, Guildford, Surrey or Queenswood, Herts - all girls schools all very good. Co-ed options for an academic girl could be Kings Canterbury; Oundle, Peterborough; Framlingham School, Suffolk.

It's not academic but Notre Dame girls school in Cobham let's you defer until 13. There are a couple of large mixed Prep schools in the Cobham/Esher area who want the girls to stay until 13 so they work to make sure girls can get a place at 11 and move at 13 without taking CE.

UserOMG you're in California? Definitely no. I went to college in CA and grew up in NY and that was a challenge, I was 18! Surely there are tutors that can help you daughter fill any gaps in science etc. between 11 and 13?

Even the most academic schools will have occasional places even if they don't have an official 13+ entry point so I wouldn't necessarily rule out somewhere like G&L. A friend's dd joined LEH in Y10 (having not even been invited for interview at 11+) and has just got a scholarship going into sixth form. At my dc's school, which is massively oversubscribed at 11+, they've had a couple of new children join each year on top of the small 13+ contingent. There really are many more options than the general school entry hysteria would have you believe especially if your dd is bright

UserOMG
Consider Sevenoaks year 9 entry as entry test is year 7 and does not require science or MFL. www.sevenoaksschool.org/admissions/entry-at-13/introduction/
It is a very academic co-Ed IB school and also has weekly boarding if Sevenoaks is too far out of London for you.

Along the same lines for admissions would be Brighton College, main admissions is year 9, pre test year 6 and will adjust CE requirements if not from a CE school. It would be a fall back weekly boarding option.
www.brightoncollege.org.uk/admissions/the-college-13plus/

I would n't paint such a gloomy picture as Needmoresleep for years 7-8 full boarding for girls re friendship issues requiring withdrawal. I know a fair number of girls who were full boarders at that age and had a very good time with no long lived friendship dramas. In fact most full boarding house house mistress and teams are in a better position than parents and day schools to intervene appropriately (although if the friendship pool is small that does make it harder when very unlucky with the peer group).

However I don't see the point of your DD making such an adjustment from as far away California if you will be returning for year 9 and would prefer day schools or weekly boarding.

sendsummer, I am not saying there are problems for everyone. However knowing three from a relatively small number of nice straightforward girls from affluent London families, who had problems (not just friendship, eating was another issue) suggests there is a risk that a child might not settle. A risk that may well be worth taking if you are in a position to monitor and step in quickly, but more difficult from 3,000 miles away.

I would also argue that parents are usually better placed to parent their daughters. And that it is often not simply a case of "stepping in" over friendship issues but supporting a child's self esteem and confidence at home and helping them see any problems at school in perspective.

Needmoresleep there is always a risk of not settling especially if there is a possibility of MH issues including a latent eating disorder. I agree that I would worry about such a distance as a parent b
Parents are closest to their DCs no question, however the house staff are also well placed to help a DC's self esteem and confidence as they observe them in the school social situation, have more experience of dealing with all the issues that crop up with groups of teenagers than most parents and are well placed to effect change in the social dynamics at school when needed.
It is a team effort between house staff and parents.