Agh! GCSE's, lack of work and now illness!

[Sonnet]

Hi - not sure wether this should be here or in Teenagers.

I am finding this gcse lark SO hard with Dd2 ( no problems with other DC)
I really need some support that I can't get in real life.

Bit of background. Dd2 started to struggle in school a few years ago. She had a real fear of failure so would not revise for exams so she could use that as an excuse. When things become difficult she hides from it. We have been working hard to help her.
She refused all revision help in the Easter holidays and whilst she did some I don't think it was effective - think doing a past paper but only the questions she thinks she can do and not even bothering to mark them.
To top it all she was diagnosed with tonsillitis on Monday so has been in bed all week.

She had a french speaking exam today that has been postponed due to illness which only means it cascades into her Spanish exam next week.
She got 4 C's in her mocks taken in February and the rest fails.

Last night DH went through her French with her and she did not know it despite most of her revision time over Easter being on that! Good job it is not today.

She felt a bit better this morning and said she'd do a maths paper - could only attempt the first 5 questions as she did not have a clue about the others!!
I am so scared for her. I have been heavily involved but at her request have stepped back a bit.

I can't talk to anyone in real life. I've come off Facebook because every time I see a post about how hard so and so is revising I feel sick

Just need to rant here...

What can I do?

Read the riot act - sit by her side

Leave her to it

I really don't know.

She has just done a foundation maths paper getting 21:80 but then tosses it aside and won't go through the questions she doesn't know! She may as well be doing a dot to dot puzzle

When do the exams start? If they're on now already and she is this unprepared, I suspect she will need to resist. Hopefully failing once will be enough to make her study properly next time.

Resit, not resist

She is looking at resits yes, is she hoping to do A levels.

Education is so often wasted on the young!

Oh I feel your pain! My DD was like this, she also had a lot of tonsilitis and time off in year 11 and refused to study. She is so head-strong and forcing her to study just led to awful rows. We decided, DH and me, to back off but not condone stuff IYSWIM. So, no you can't go out or have your phone in your room at night etc because you have exams. But, I stopped trying to force her to study. Basically she sat in her room and stared at the walls I'm sure. She was also bullied at the start of year 11 and developed social anxiety as a result and 18 months later is now coming out the other side. She failed them all and she is a bright and able person, but forcing her to study wouldn't have made any difference - would only have created a bigger rift between us. Our relationship is better now btw. I'm NOT saying your DD will fail she most likely will not but by facing my worst fears, my DD failing, I do realise it is NOT the end of the world and she is now doing a Traineeship so there is more than one way to skin a cat.

Thank you all
Yes resits but just how?

She is currently doing IGCSE's so will have to start again

DH just taken her phone off her - huge row

She is working - she thinks she's revising but it is so ineffective it is worthless

She won't take advice
So will do a few questions in one subject and then swap to another for 15 mins or so...

The only failure is failure to try.
But how you get your DD to understand that at this stage I don't know.

What are her plans for next year? What does she need to achieve those plans?

If she will accept you 'hand holding' her through revision then I would do that.

If necessary 'bin' revision for less important subjects and focus on

• achieving 5 passes
• passing English & Maths

If she can do her final CAs for languages then she will have done 60% and the actual exams are more 'skill' than 'knowledge' based.

If she gets 5A*-C (or new grade 4) then she can progress to a Level 3 course at college (A level equivalent).

If she doesn't then she can do a Level2 course at college whilst retaking English & Maths. if she does well enough in that year she can progress to Level 3 (A levels or BTEC).

Or there is the apprenticeship route, working to a qualification, with maybe day release to college to sort English & Maths.

Broadly speaking she can't resit loads of GCSEs at college, they aren't set up for it.

Agree try and get her to focus on English language / maths and her best other subjects
Does she know that you know she hasn't really done anything?
Would it help if you were to say look I know you've done feck all up to now.. let's start from now and see if you can get 5 passes including English and maths .
Has she applied to college / 6th form? What does she need? Has she got a back up plan?

Hi
Thank you all.
No back up plan due to anxiety issues. She wants to stay at school and do A levels and then go to uni! She knows exactly what she wants to do in her dreams..

Will accept no hand holding.
Her DH and I had a huge row - phone confiscated.

We have gone through 2 maths papers together and the amount she could do when focused - no input from me - was staggering. Up to 60/80!!!

It is just so frustrating that she puts in so little!

What grades does she need to do A levels?
What A levels does she want to do, does she have a career direction in mind? We might be able to suggest potential BTECs.

You could outwardly sit back and leave it up to her.
Whilst in the background research Plan B and Cs so if it goes badly on results day you needn't panic too much.

@Draylon might come on in a while and recount how with her DS she had to sit back because arguing was making everyone stressed.

At 16 some kids are genuinely not ready for taking exams and GCSEs and your child does sound a bit like this.

In further ed, the first diplomas were ideal for these kids who just need another year to get to that level before approaching the level 3 courses. (I used to teach these kids as my speciality area and generally they had no confidence, believed they couldn't do it and would choose not to because that was the safer option). After a year on the first diploma many would fly on the level 3's and the others would go out to apprenticeships ready for work

I feel your child isn't ready for GCSEs and in your situation I would genuinely remove the pressure for many of them and focus on getting the best you can from English and maths to take away the pressure from everything.