Help with Dd attitude in school

[Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden]

I am hoping someone out there can help us with Dd who is in yr 7.

She acts out in school. Really cheeky to teachers etc but she is actually really stressed. Has been referred to CAHMS. This all started around christmas when she was bullied and although it's all sorted now she has become very disengaged.

The school have requested a meeting with us but how do I get them to listen to our concerns without it sounding like "my poor little angel
wouldn't do that"!

I don't think anybody else could tell she's acting out through stress.

Is it possible that she is behaving like that to appear more like the "bullies" so that she fits in and doesn't stand out and so therefore protects herself from being bullied?

I don't think so. Bullies were two years older though. I think she has lost confidence in teachers as they didn't investigate properly. She says if they don't care about her why should she care about them.

I think you have to help her to see that behaving in school isn't about doing her teachers a favour. It's about her: her learning, her future. Don't let her cut off her nose to spite her face. Whenever I have a student who doesn't particularly like me, I remind them that they will have forgotten me within 5 years, but their education (or lack thereof) will be with them forever.

It would help if you could identify the cause of the stress, and work with DD to resolve it. School can possibly expedite the CAMHS service if they have taken her through a supportive process already, but DD's behaviour is largely your responsibility as her parent.

So stop making excuses and focus on positive action.

I agree with the 'don't cut off your nose to spite your face' approach.
Did you (GP?) or school refer to camhs?

Referred to CAHMS by GP due to depression score. She has a sibling with ASD and one currently undergoing ADHD assessment so we are no stranger to CAHMS. She has self diagnosed herself as ADHD. She would certainly tick a few boxes. She also has hyper mobility and possibly Scleroderma but diagnosis for that not confirmed yet.

Can I suggest an IEP? I would say she definitely has ASD and ADHD traits but not sure she would meet diagnostic criteria for either.

You can suggest an IEP (as far as I am aware they are not legal documents). An IEP just sets out what a child is expected to achieve and targets/interventions to help them get there. What support are you hoping to get from school?

You will probably need to be at least seeking an assessment before they will feel any urgency to make adjustments for her.

I'm not sure if this helps, but something similar (or sounds like it) happened to my friend's DD in yr7. The school gave her a teacher mentor who really helped, so you could ask for similar. I'm not sure of the exact details, but if she had a problem she knew she could easily find this teacher and be listened to. Equally if another teacher had a problem with her, this was reported to the mentor who would talk to the girl. She wasn't soft with her, but did listen and helped the girl to see that she was her own worst enemy. My friend in the end thought just starting at the new school had been overwhelming, so that was why it started. She's doing well now (yr8) and still goes to find her mentor, but only occasionally and mostly just to say hi.

Tralaa that does sound very similar and a mentor is one of the things mentioned in the behaviour policy so I will ask about that.

I have already sent in a letter from the hospital consultant asking for accommodations. It doesn't seem to have been acted upon.

Good luck then. I hope they're more helpful when you meet them face to face.

The meeting was helpful but certainly not a pleasant experience as a parent. Each of her subject teachers had written a report on her. (I probably should have expected this but didn't.)

The school suggested putting her on report but went with the mentor and a kind of behaviour contract.

The CAHMS waiting list is six weeks.

Not sure how this will re- engage her. Although about four of her teachers have no issues with her and are shocked at how she behaves in other classes.