Changing school

[SuperFerret]

My first mumsnet post!

Youngest son is 11 years old in year 7. He is attending local secondary but the behaviour there is a real problem and it's obvious he's not making good progress. We are thinking of moving him to local independent school where class sizes are much smaller and results are miles better. We have toured the school and loved it - it was friendly and so calm and relaxed. He has an interview there tomorrow but no entrance test. Here's the problem - he doesn't want to change schools. He just says he likes his current school. He's a child that does not like change. Does anyone have any experience of this? Did you push through the pain of a move and then it all settled down and they were happy?

Hi I moved my dd from a state primary in yr 4. She had a close gang of friends and said she didn't want to move but we felt it was right. We managed to get her to like certain random things (e.g. Sports kit!) of new school and made a big thing of keeping in touch with old friends in the holidays before the move but honestly within a few weeks she really never looked back. The evinronment was so much better and she has thrived. They really move on so quickly so the short term pain will be worth it.

I am surprised you did not choose the independent in the first place if it is easy to get into, does not fill up in Y7 and has miles better results and less behaviour problems. It seems a bit odd to have discounted it only a short while ago. Or did your DS want to stay with his friends for Y7?

Yes, I would go and persuade him of all the advantages of going there and say he can still see his friends (although they may feel abandoned so don't bank on it). Children usually like schools where not that much effort is required and many children do not value progress. Sometimes children see other kids messing about and think it is funny. Has he complained of the behaviour or is it your observation?

Also do not be fooled into thinking "better" exam results will definitely happen for your DS. You do not know how bright the children are at the independent school and they may have achieved just as well somewhere else. The progress they achieve for the pupils is what counts as well.

Try and sell it by looking at all the things he can do there. There must be something he would like, even if it is calm lessons. There are, by the way, state schools that get excellent results with 30 in each class. They have excellent teachers. There are advantages to going to a private school and perhaps he could be persuaded to see what they are. I don't think you can drag him to the new school - he will need to understand the advantages for himself.

We moved our DS at end of Y2. He didn't want to move but he was unhappy at his prior school because he wasn't getting the right support and we explained the reasons it would be better for him. To him we were confident and optimistic about the choice we'd made for him but we also acknowledged how he felt leaving his friends.

Like PP said we found a couple of things he liked about it (and so did he) and we talked those up to him.

In our case keeping in touch with his friends was fairly easy as we lived in same street and he still did some after school activities with his best friends. Also, my friends knew we'd moved him to give him the support he needed (not because we didn't like the school or we didn't think it was good enough for him) so they also supported me and him. They made sure that in those first few weeks and months they still invited him to play.

Your situation is a bit different as your DS is older. At that age, I'd involve him in the decision but if you think it's right thing, explain that to him and make the decision.

Good luck - trust your instinct and remember you have a better view of the future than your DS. He doesn't have the experience to know what is best - if you have a good relationship, he will trust you. (That's what my DM told me when I was stressing and she was right.)

Thank you guys.

I got a job offer out of the blue and have returned to my old well paid career hence the independent is now in the equation.

We'll go to the interview and go from there. However at the moment we are having some serious tantrums from him since he likes his current school. Discussing the advantages just gets thrown back at us.