Year 7 boys - disorganised and irresponsible

[Strix]

DS1 is quite academic and has started a highly selective grammar. But he is soooooo irresponsible, disorganised, and would lose his head if it wasn't attached to his neck.

He is sooooooooooo much work. I'm exhausted. People tell me it's a boy thing. Is it???

Do other people with Year 7 boys find them incapable of organising themselves.

Since September we have lost/broken:
4 iPhones
At least 5 Oyster cards
3 coats
A couple wallets
Several house keys
One complete spots kit (PE and rugby gear included)

DD is 13 and she has never lost a phone, Oyster card, sport kit, etc.

Am I alone?

Ah, it's not my nearest school. It's the only Grammar remaining fir miles and miles. Oyster is free for bus travel (if you don't lose it).

Ha! Yes, that helps.

its an irrelevant question, if he has to make the time to walk to school, he will need to adjust to make the time,

you are making excuses for him.

My children are up by 5.30 at the latest on a school day, and walk 4 miles, although they can get a bus, they would still have to be up at the same time and leave at the same time, because the buses get too full to stop later on in the morning. If they have a few late nights as well during the seek, they will get tired, but catch up on sleep at the weekend.

Your DS should be exercising anyway, so its not time wasted, its time put to good use, and healthy, calming and may help with his organisation.

If he loses his oyster card he should be made to walk, and make whatever adjustments to his life are required to fit that in.

I can't believe he has lost 5 oyster cards, and had no consequences at all. No wonder he is so careless!

I have some sympathy I have 3 Ds's.

Eldest in yr7, super organised. The other two are in Yr5 (twins). One is organised the other has Adhd, magpie tendencies for collecting any junk he finds and the organisational skills/'stuff control' skills of someone in the grips of a chaotic alcoholic or psychotic episode (my DB for example ) .... Will come home from school with rucksack weighing a ton stuffed full of spent no2 cartridges he's found in the park, other people's discarded pens, notebooks, bits from learning sets at school, random pieces of string, other people's lunch box discards, twigs etc but not the jumper/raincoat/pe kit or homework book he went to school with. On one occasion he dawdled on the way home and I went ahead to let one of the others in, he turned up 20 mins later on the doorstep wheeling an office chair and recently has found and taken a shine to an old burnt frying pan he found on a wall.

He cannot remember more than one instruction (I mean normal daily things like getting shoes on) for more than about 2 mins.

I dread how he will cope with secondary and hwk or stuff control. I am very thankful that secondary is only 2 min walk away and he will have two brothers there with h him.

Ha ha... that made me laugh. A few similarities, but not a junk collector. Definitely can't remember an instruction fir mire than two minutes, and even worse if I hand out more than instruction.

Like, "go upstairs, brush your teeth and pack your bag for tomorrow". Most likely to find him 30 min later half way up the stairs reading a book he found on the sixth step.

I am therefore not prepared to leave him to his own devices on a train/bus to Brighton.

DD, on the other hand, is well capable of booking and boarding a plane to New York with out my help.

My DS2 was a bit inclined to lose things- phones and books luckily not coats. However he was /is totally disorganised-managed to miss a Uni exam by arriving on the wrong day. He can't manage a train time table very well either
He was at a selective school, got goodish GSCE's and then was diagnosed with Dyslexia in the 6th form. Very high IQ which had enabled him to work around his processing difficulties. His reading age was always at least 3 years above his chronological age when tested! It might be worth getting him tested for dyslexia, particularly if his oral work is much better than written work.. A selective school should be able to cope with this. My DS is now at a Russell Group University doing a demanding Arts subject, it just takes him longer to do his research.

Dyslexia crossed my mind with op's last post, too...

your child has to get up at 5.30am and walk 4 miles to get to school?

Thanks for the advice on exercise. He plays football once or twice a week and is on the cross country team, so goes for a run twice a week. He's just joined the house Cricket. I think we are covered on the exercise requirements.

I don't think he's dyslexic. He was a very early reader, and he's a fantastic speller. He's just an absent minded professor type. And he (and I) have to work extra hard for him to learn a system to get himself organised. I've made him a "homework tracker" in excel and showed him how to use it. So he's also learning how to use Excel.

He's improving... but he still has a long way to go.

And he does have consequences when he loses/forgets stuff. Currently his iPhone has had all of the games removed (rebuilt with new appleid) and I let him have it in small doses. He can check the whatsapp thread where other boys chat about home work. He has to do this in front of me. And hand it back when he's finished. It does not go to school with him. He's definitely feeling the pain. But he's been told he must earn it back by being more responsible (which includes showing for Mandarin class and an agreed set of lunchtime clubs).

DD, who is 13, is also bright but not as academic as he is. But she's organised and motivated and driven to succeed. They have the same mum, but they are different people who respond differently.

Strix, I am sure he will improve in time. Sounds like you have had an un-necessarily hard time on your thread, and concluded that your children's personalities are really different, it's not just a gender thing.

And for the make him walk 3 miles each way every day...well done for not rising to it. And justifying the additional bags, sports kit, instruments etc etc he may have with him. Everyday.

I can so relate to the getting way-laid with the book half way up the stairs - fills me with huge frustration and pride at the same time when that occurs in our house

He'll get there.

DD got there and she was a nightmare in yr7.
DD's school have an "organisation" club one breaktime which is basically the kids who are still forgetting stuff in yr8. Not sure what is covered in it, miraculously DD was not mandated to attend, she has sorted herself out and is pretty good this year - but clearly it is not unusual!

I also think it's too far to walk everyday
Ds was diagnosed with hfa/asd when he was 9 and his lack of organisation is part of that parcel
He just has other stuff going on all the time in his head.. it's hard to focus and organise.
I've found it's finding a strategy that works and makes it easier for him then when he repeating the process over and over .. eventually it sticks .