Year 7 boys - disorganised and irresponsible

[Strix]

DS1 is quite academic and has started a highly selective grammar. But he is soooooo irresponsible, disorganised, and would lose his head if it wasn't attached to his neck.

He is sooooooooooo much work. I'm exhausted. People tell me it's a boy thing. Is it???

Do other people with Year 7 boys find them incapable of organising themselves.

Since September we have lost/broken:
4 iPhones
At least 5 Oyster cards
3 coats
A couple wallets
Several house keys
One complete spots kit (PE and rugby gear included)

DD is 13 and she has never lost a phone, Oyster card, sport kit, etc.

Am I alone?

He doesn't need to look after his things because you replace everything he loses or breaks.Plenty of cheap phones that have a calendar function!

^ This.

I have a dd of the same age, no sons. She is very careful with her stuff and hasn't list anything so far. She is also very organised about homework, deadlines, stuff she has to take to school etc.

Think I must have drawn the lucky straw
My yr 7 DS is supremely organised.
I was terrible at his age.
DS has never forgotten his homework, as yet not lost an item of clothing, always has the right equipment/book whatever with him at the right time. Even when he was in primary school, he would pack his bag the night before with all the right stuff.
It is clearly just in his nature. The other 3 children are hopeless.

No, he's lost very little. He has to contribute to the replacement cost if he does.

I have a 12yo Y7 DS who hasn't managed to lose or break anything since he started high school so I don't think your DS's lack of organisation is a boy thing at all!

How was his organisational skill before Y7? Did you do more for him? Maybe it's worth reminding him to pack & check his bag the night before. How about a end of school day checklist?

I'd also be tempted to put his keys/Oyster card on a lanyard and replace the iphone with a basic heavy duty (indestructable) phone.

Thanks for the replies. He doesn't really get everything replacedcwilly billy. He has to experience done pain and display some remorse.

Tribpot - haven't seen you in ages. How are you. Think we shared the May 2005 thread. I might have been uwila then?

Amidawish - haven't seen you in ages either. Are you still in Tw?

I think my son is the bottom of the organisation spectrum. Sometimes I try and guide him. Sometimes I leave him to suffer the consequences of his own disorganisation.

He'll get there in the end.
Nil desperandum!

One of my DS has same organizational ability as your son. However we have managed it without any disasters (so far).

Bus pass/locker key etc all sewn onto lanyard type cords then sewn into inside of blazer pockets. Blazer has to be kept on at all times so the only thing that could be lost is the bus pass if taken out of holder but strict instructions not to do so and the actual pass holder is sewn to the lanyard so could not be lost.

No wallet used. If cash required it is in an envelope in zipped blazer pocket with details on. The cheapest old second hand smart phone. Definitely no house key too risky - use key pad entry. Name, school and my phone number attached to everything including rucksack, blazer, phone, PE kits etc.

Most things then seem to make their way back to us. He has only worn a coat twice but lost it both times but got returned both times - once took nearly a month! Nothing is worth anyone keeping/stealing which helps.

hi, yes still in TW, just coming out of 11+ with DD2. Hope you are well!

I don't think it's a boy thing either, after being a year 7 form tutor for some years I encountered some very disorganised girls too.

Not to generalise too much, but often the most disorganised would have parents who would bail them out by replacing lost stuff or even by delivering forgotten books / kit to school in the middle of the day.

I did suggest to some parents letting them face the consequences might provide more of an incentive....

My year 7 boy has a reasonable phone (not new, but not awful). At the beginning of the year I showed him the Nokia brick that I am keeping in reserve just in case of loss / breakage, he hasn't had to use it yet.

I thin Ds got mad and smashed it in temper tantrum.

an iphone?

and you gave him another one/

why?

and if he loses his oyster cards, he walks, simple as.

Oh my goodness. He can't walk. It's too far. It would take over an hour, IF he walked in the right direction... which is fairly unlikely.

To be honest, I like the iPhone because I can track where he is. I'm so uncomfortable not knowing where he is because he is well capable of getting on the wrong bus/train and not noticing until he's at the coast.

Anyway... I think I have confirmation that my son has less common sense / organisation than most. I think I already knew that this is not merely down to being a boy. But here we are. I try to find that balance between letting him Lear his lessons and saving him from utter disaster.

For now, he is without a phone... and deserves to be so.

An hour is fine to walk for a few days as a reminder not to lose the oyster card - maybe not for ever. Also nothing wrong in getting on the wrong bus - again a useful learning exercise. My DS has done it, hopefully wont do it again but he managed to make his way back. Has also missed his stop a few times. They have to learn from their mistakes and I am certainly not tracking him in case he is on the wrong bus. If he loses his phone and is on the wrong bus or lost and worried he can ask someone to ring me - my mobile number is on all his possessions. It has never happened he always makes his own way back eventually.

Oh my goodness. He can't walk. It's too far. It would take over an hour,

Firstly "over an hour" is absolutely fine, no problem at all, my children do it every day, twice,

secondly what is the "oh my goodness" for exactly? Stop mollycoddling and babyfying him. He is 11, not 3.

Mine is hopeless in many ways but good in others, he's lost untold bits of uniform and regularly forgets books, homework, pens etc but has never lost his bus pass or phone. I think keeping things in the blazer helps!

The phone is a crap brick by the way, I don't trust him with a smart phone yet and certainly wouldn't have replaced any!

Other child is much more organised.

is there any other way to track him i wonder? an old ipod in the base of his bag that he doesn't know about?

i wouldn't send him without an oyster walking for an hour plus. seriously people? My dd wouldn't know the way home from school walking and she's in yr8 now.

but the other stuff, lost PE kit etc, send him to lost property to find it or to borrow another.

I don't think anyone should be tracking him. Better to teach him the home phone number and how to use a call box.

I agree with George and don't think they should be tracked either. I can see how it would be comforting but you need to make the break sometime! Better to insist that he must stick to agreed plans or else. You don't want to be tracking him when he's at uni or married

If he went the wrong way without noticing teach him to ask the train/bus staff and get on a return train. We all need to make these mistakes and it would hopefully make him check for the next time. I tend to think my DC acts less responsibly if I give him more safety nets. If he knows he's fully responsible and I'll be pissed off if he loses/forgets something he tends to do a better job and develops his own coping mechanisms. Not foolproof though!

I try to find that balance between letting him Lear his lessons and saving him from utter disaster.
I'm sorry but you really don't have that balance anywhere near right at the moment and that is why you are having the problems you are having.
You are babying him. How will he ever learn these skills while you keep fixing everything for him.
Stop tracking him - you are not protecting him, you are smothering him and you are putting your needs (wanting to know where he is at every moment) above his need for independence.
He CAN walk for an hour if he loses his ticket - he needs to learn the way!

He CAN walk for an hour if he loses his ticket - he needs to learn the way!

really?
are you in lovely small towns or something? you do not send 11 year olds walking for an hour in any direction in London!

call boxes

what bloody call boxes? THERE AREN'T ANY. are you living in the 80s?

he's 11
just started a new big school an hour away from home
give him a break

Definitely not a gender specific thing.

Ds is in year 11 - in five years of secondary school, he has not lost so much as a tie, sock, planner, single piece of homework - anything.

I work in a secondary school. I would say that in every year 7 class of 30 children, approx 6 or so of them have terrible organisation skills - roughly three boys and three girls in each class.

And an hour is really not far to walk to school. My nieces live 2.9 miles from their secondary school. There's no transport provided (or available should they wish to pay). They walk.

An hour is nothing. My son walks from home to the bus stop and then from the bus station to his school. In two bursts, but total walking time is more than an hour.

As for losing stuff, you need to stop replacing it. He'll soon learn his lesson!

My son got an iphone for his birthday a couple of years ago and is under no illusion that there's no replacement if he loses or breaks it. As a result, he looks after it.

At first, he'd forget to take books and expect me to drive them in. Soon got the message that I wouldn't, and he had to face the consequences.

Only way they'll learn is "hard love"

So he loses or smashes his phone, loses his ticket, can't find his way home from school, needs to be tracked wherever he is - best keep him at home all the time to keep him nice and safe then!

If he IS going to school an hour away from home, then he HAS to learn how to cope when things go wrong, when trains stop working, when you lose your ticket, when your phone dies. You are doing your kids no favours by monitoring their every move so you can swoop in and rescue them every time something goes wrong. They never get the opportunity to learn that they can cope because they have never been given the strategies of what to do when things don't go according to plan!

what bloody call boxes? THERE AREN'T ANY. are you living in the 80s?

Of course there are. I made sure I found out where they are and made sure my son knows where they are and how to use them. May not be on every street corner anymore like the old days, but still around, especially in town centres and most large villages.