Temporary exclusion and threatened permanent exclusion

[user1483060276]

I have a resolution meeting at the school in the New Year. Son (15) was caught with cannabis in school and excluded. They have also threatened to permanently exclude him.

Has anyone been to an "resolution meeting", what should I expect, and how can I best prepare?

Wow, do you really think you're in a position to bang on about his 'rights'?

The school and its pupils have the right to not have illegal drugs on the premises. A little more humility will be much more beneficial than foot stamping about the 'little bunny' and his rights

I reiterate: the school absolutely do have the right to ask a child to leave at 16. I'm very concerned about your understanding of the law.

As for the cannabis issue...much less so. He doesnt see it as a big deal

And neither does his Mum. This is what needs to change. If he has any hope at all of being allowed to stay at school for 5th year he has to start accepting it as a VERY big deal, be as contrite as he possibly can be, promise to go on whatever awareness courses you can find out about, demonstrate to school that he accepts what he did was very, very wrong and that it can never happen again.

Rather than googling your rights and contacting lawyers you need to show the school that as a parent you are taking the drug use/possession seriously, irrespective of your own feelings about the matter. A parent who goes in and says "We've been in touch with XYZ charity, have seen the GP, and Son has an appointment with a drugs counsellor on Monday" is going to come across so much better than a parent who refuses to see it as a big deal and bangs on about her "bunny" and his rights.

You're having a hard time working yourself up into a frenzy?

That much is obvious - I hope you're not making your attitude clear to your son? He has to realise he has done something illegal and majorly fucked up

reluctant to consider college. You're really not getting that it's not actually up to you, are you op?

Wow. I am a little surprised. I realize that I am living in crazy liberal Los Angeles where marijuana has been legalized. At all the high schools that I know of both public and private, rich and poor, secular and religious marijuana and alcohol use is pretty ubiquitous amongst the teenagers. Is this not the case in the UK or is everyone just completely unaware of what their kids and/or their peers are up to?

Please do not take this comment as an approval: Personally I think that it's an evil drug with serious effects that are far too often minimized. Please look up the research as to what it does to the developing brain. (My ds was given marijuana by his father at age 10 and it made him psychotic and triggered bipolar which he will have to live with and be medicated for, for the rest of his life.)
It seems to me, OP that whether or not you approve of marijuana use in teenagers, your ds made a very very unwise choice to use at school. I would spend a lot of time and energy in understanding why he did this (and not so much in minimizing it - he chose to break a rule that people take seriously) and hopefully giving him help and support to make better choices in future. Or maybe next time it won't be a joint at school, but a six pack before driving and killing someone.

Your son broke the law. I'm assuming that you understand that? Your lax attitude to his drug taking is really neither here nor there. Cannabis is an illegal drug in the UK. Your son presumably knew that and chose to take that illegal drug into the school.

I have known plenty of students who have been permanantly excluded for things that don't involve breaking the law.

There are times when we all just have to suck it up and in this instance I think this may be one. You will need to talk him round a bit to understanding the wider consequences - not just for him but for others. It isn't really about weed but about illegal substances, health impact, younger students being exposed and the risk of police involvement.

Studying hard is great but I would encourage him not to adopt a shitty attitude about it. He is obviously a bright lad and his class teachers will want him to do well regardless.

He knows he needs to keep his nose clean if he wants the course he is after so that is what he needs to say in the meeting. I am presuming he will be there as it is about him really.

In short it may be time for him to learn to eat humble pie and show that this was a not to be repeated event.

But I have said that already. Repeating myself - sorry!

At the meeting make sure he apologises endlessly and tells them that he understands how serious it is. Or you can go in and treat it as 'not the worst thing that could happen' and see what happens. Not an experiment that I would want to carry out. What would happen in your workplace if you were found in posession of cannabis, I would be sacked immediately .

"he chose to break a rule that people take seriously"

No- he chose to break a LAW!!

I am well aware that it is not up to me, the future education of my son once he turns 16 is up to him.

MargotsDevil - Of course they can ask him to leave, but then he would refuse their request. They appear to want to permanently exclude him tho.

Nobody is saying we want him put out of school. Or made some sort of social parish. Quite the opposite. We were trying to advise how to actually handle the meeting.

And at no point has the op said what she intends to do to prove that the school shouldn't exclude him apart from his rights which she knows all about (or thinks she does). Much less about his (and her) responsibilities.

And I know that cannabis is seen as cool and ok on MN. But it most certainly is not cool and ok in a school and showing even a bit of that "oh it's nothing" attitude in the meeting could lead to a very negative outcome for your DS.

You seem to be more concerned about your son being excluded than the fact that he is using cannabis.

I used to be a secondary school governor and we had an absolutely zero tolerance policy on drugs. In my time we have permanently excluded a few students for supplying and carrying cannabis at school.

If you go into the meeting with the attitude that possessing cannabis is neither here nor there the school will be very eager to exclude your son.

"Is this not the case in the UK . . .?"
In the real world - just as you describe, SofiaAmes - but on MN, never!

(And I speak as someone who doesn't smoke tobacco or weed, and does her best to put the fear of God into her dd regarding the evils thereof due to family medical history.)

OP, best of luck - your son fucked up, and I'm sure both you and he are well aware of this. But he won't be the first nor the last to do so, and I'm guessing that unless he's generally a PITA his teachers will want to do the best both for the school but also for him.

It also sounds like you're getting answers mainly from English based posters - I don't know how things work in Scotland, but it sounds like there are significant differences (I'm in Wales, so different again).

So, OP, what are you going to say to school about the steps you have taken to ensure this doesn't happen again? This is what you should be focussing on rather than legal rights.

Mrs User, how do we know that Bunny won't just do this again?

Well we don't, do we? It's not a big deal, not the worst thing which could happen and he's a clever boy. It's his right to be educated, don't you know.

OR

We've made an appointment for him to have counselling to get to the bottom of this, we're so disappointed in him and so sorry about all of this and are going to work very hard to make sure this will never, ever happen again. Ever.

These are his rights and I'm concerned at people on this board telling me that I should ignore or give away his rights...cos drugs.

Your sorry little bunny he is 15 not 5 for FUCK sake broke the law.

All the other children have a right to be educated without children like your son peddling drugs.

He is only sorry he got caught and so are you.

MY DC are at a grammar school which seems to have a very soft line on drugs, I would say for a first offence permanent exclusion would be unlikely

All the other children have a right to be educated without children like your son peddling drugs

Where at any point did OP suggest her son was selling drugs? Or even that he'd bought them? It was a joint between a group of foolish friends. As per on MN it's grown arms and legs. He's not a dealer, he's a kid that messed up.

I don't think it really matters if its scotland England or the moon. OP asked how to approach the meeting, pretty much every poster has said apologise apologise take responsibility etc etc. A lot of us appear to have experience of schools ( another governor here) the message is eat some humble pie and you may come out of this ok.

I think resolution meeting implies finding a positive way forward for everyone, your son, the school and the other students. In my experience permanent exclusion decisions are rarely made lightly. If this is a one off incident and your son is able to articulate clearly what he has done wrong and what he means to do to try and put it right then there is a possibility he may be able to stay within the school. Schools, quite rightly take a zero tolerance stance towards illegal drugs on site, the school leadership will need to be convinced it will never ever happen again. They will be looking to you as parents to reinforce this message and work with them into the future. If school leaders feel parents are working with them they will often go the extra mile - I know I did. If they feel parents are making excuses and looking for technicalities to get round exclusion regulations they will be less tolerant. If I was leading the meeting I would want to know:
Everyone present shared an understanding of the facts of the case
Your son accepts responsibility for what he did wrong, makes a meaningful apology and is able to say how his behaviour will be different in the future
The support and monitoring strategies the school feels are appropriate in this case
You understand your role as parents in supporting the school with any monitoring and support strategies they feel are appropriate to the case
A clear acceptance by everyone that the use of illegal drugs in school is unacceptable

Young people can make mistakes - what is important in these meetings is that we don't make excuses but make it very clear what the expectations are for them to succeed in the future. Your son needs to see the authority figures working together in his best interests.

You need to understand the schools policy on drug use on site. They have the authority to implement their own policies and pupils do have to comply with them. Most have a zero tolerance policy, for obvious reasons, drugs and children don't mix. You also have to understand their policy on illegal behaviour on site, as your son both bought and used drugs whilst on school premises.

They do have to follow a process, i.e. Meeting within seven days etc, and you should have been told this process, inc right to appeal, and you should also understand the options, inc a managed move or remote learning if the expel.

On a side note I think the fact that both you and he can't get "worked up"about him doing drugs at fifteen in school is shocking and I suspect this attitude will do you damage at the meeting. As such, to stand any chance you will need to lie and say you are vehemently against children doing drugs and ensure it never happens again and what you've done to ensure it will never happen again.

As you can see by most of the responses, nearly all responsible adults are actually vehemently against children doing drugs, never mind adults. So your reaction is unusual that you don't really see it as a big deal. The fact you're quite taken aback by the responses is concerning, did you really think parents were going to tell you this was in any way ok?

I am in Scotland.

My school has refused entry to the building in the past. I completely understand that you don't want to accept this but why would I make it up? The school has a responsibility to all students - they need to make a decision here which is best for everyone. You and your son are coming across as arrogant and as having no respect for the school or the other students there and I doubt that will go down well with the school.

She did say he bought it. I don't think he should be permanently excluded, but I do think he needs a wake up call. I don't know what his chosen career path is, but I can't imagine further drug use is going to help him in any way. I think some serious in-school consequences need to be put in place.

I'm concerned not as much about the weed but about the disregard and disdain shown for the law. Just where are his legal boundaries and where would he draw the line? To me, that is the bigger concern as it means this is the tip of the iceberg.

I'm a bit confused, MargotsDevil. They have refused entry to a school building for a pupil that is registered at their school that they haven't excluded?

Bluntness100 - I didnt expect people to think it was OK ...and its not OK to me, but less because oh-my-god-drugs!!! but because cannabis use often leads to nicotine addiction or further experimentation, especially with legal highs which I am terrified of.

Which kindof brings me to GingerHollyandIvy's point, I'm more concerned that I raise a child who is moral and healthy rather than law-abiding for the sake of it. So him doing legal highs outwith school would be a much much bigger issue for me drugwise than this, despite the difference in legal status.

Anyway, I think I've had all the useful advice I'm likely to get here. Thanks very much to those who provided helpful and productive responses. I've now requested the thread is deleted.

"I'm more concerned that I raise a child who is moral and healthy rather than law-abiding for the sake of it".

Right. Personally I'd rather my children were both law abiding and morally decent but maybe that's just me.