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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Temporary exclusion and threatened permanent exclusion

193 replies

user1483060276 · 30/12/2016 01:22

I have a resolution meeting at the school in the New Year. Son (15) was caught with cannabis in school and excluded. They have also threatened to permanently exclude him.

Has anyone been to an "resolution meeting", what should I expect, and how can I best prepare?

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 30/12/2016 13:34

They will all know. I hear from kids that one of my group has been in trouble often before formal word.

I hope my description bears some resemblance of what happens in your instance.

One stupid mistake does not render a child unworthy of education.

Oh, and I would also be encouraging him to have a meeting with the SDS link. It is extremely helpful for them to be aware that there has been a concern of his nature as having his options laid out before him can make it easier for him to just get the head down.

And I do mean that. He will need to be really genuine and he can't afford at all to show any sign of this being just a fuss about nothing.

The thing to watch as his parent though is that a child who has never been in trouble but then really is can feel like their cards have been marked and it isn't worth even trying. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is why a chat with SDS can keep him focussed

Curioushorse · 30/12/2016 13:38

Grovel. Admit fault fully and show that you will be fully supportive of the school, to the extent that you'll also punish him yourselves.

I've never worked in a school where this happened and the child didn't immediately leave. But then I've mainly worked in London. Your son's teachers are unlikely to have the same reactions as the posters on this thread. In my vast (sigh) experience of exclusions meetings you do not always go in having fully made the decision. Your decision is sometimes shaped by the reactions of the parents.

Wolfiefan · 30/12/2016 13:43

Please educate yourself and your son about cannabis. It's not just that it is illegal. It also is linked to serious mental health issues for a start. It's not just nicotine you should worry about.
Most schools would permanently exclude. It's drugs. They don't tolerate it. Your son broke the law. At school. I think unless he can shows he knows he's a fucking idiot and can somehow prove he will never do it again then he's going to be excluded.

Original poster
user1483060276 · 30/12/2016 14:26

Who are SDS?

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 30/12/2016 14:27

Skills Development Scotland. Used to be known as the careers service.

Absolutely invaluable. Ours would be very happy to have a chat to a student in the circumstances your son is in. They are an independent party and will be able to support your son no matter what happens in school.

Original poster
user1483060276 · 30/12/2016 14:34

Ah, yes. They would be good people to talk to, but I'd be afraid that he'd see it as trying to force him into college. Will have a chat with him about it tho.

Cheers.

OP posts:
Kennington · 30/12/2016 14:42

I would remove him from the school and the situation he is in.
It would be better to have a fresh start and for him to forget about things.

fourcorneredcircle · 30/12/2016 15:06

Do not remove your son unless you have personally made AND CONFIRMED arrangements for him to attend another school. If YOU remove him to try home education, or intending to try for a college "at some point" the local authority will not have to find him a school place. You run a very real risk of him ending up with no qualifications and not much chance for the future!

MargotsDevil · 30/12/2016 15:59

OP I would beg you to be realistic about this situation. In my school a student who has been excluded has a readmission meeting. I've not heard of a resolution meeting; I therefore wouldn't assume they are the same thing - although it could be a terminology thing between different councils. Going to college would still allow Highers. The attitude you and your son appear to be demonstrating will do neither of you any favours.

Original poster
user1483060276 · 30/12/2016 16:26

Not sure if a resolution meeting and a readmission meeting is the same thing or not. Local college is not a desirable option, I doubt if he would get hte same quality of teaching, contact time or support there.

OP posts:
CauliflowerSqueeze · 30/12/2016 16:34

You might not be in a position to choose

BitOutOfPractice · 30/12/2016 16:51

I notice you are resolutely ignoring all the posts telling you that you need to readjust your attitude before you go in.

And college not being a desirable option is dorrhing he should've thought of before carrying illegal drugs in a school!

Original poster
user1483060276 · 30/12/2016 17:06

Wow, wait a moment.

He has a right to education up until he is 18.
He has a right to stay in a school he is enrolled in unless excluded
He has a right to have the school follow the law if he is excluded
He has a right to appeal any exclusion.

These are his rights and I'm concerned at people on this board telling me that I should ignore or give away his rights...cos drugs.

What I was actually asking for advice for was on how to handle the resolution meeting so that I didnt need to lawyer up. Because I would much rather it got resolved within the school through mutual respect, rather than going through formal legal processes...because becoming embroiled in a legal dispute with the school is likely to be detrimental to my son's wellbeing and education.

If this isnt likely to be solved through mutual respect, including respect for his rights, then it may be that another school may be a more desirable option, than legal challenges and an increasingly hostile atmosphere.

OP posts:
LunaLoveg00d · 30/12/2016 17:12

Wow, wait a moment.

My 14 year old has a right to be educated in a school where there aren't people using/selling/possessing drugs.

Hmm

Rights come with responsibilities.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/12/2016 17:16

Nobody is saying ignore his rights for goodness sakes. Have you actually read what people have been saying?

What we are saying is that you also need to take into account his responsibilities. Marching in there with talk of lawyers and rights without mentioning how he will carry out his responsibilities and how you will support and help him in this will create a very negative impression. And possibly a negative impression.

As will your extremely flippant attitude to the drugs.

Floggingmolly · 30/12/2016 17:18

Mutual respect. Can I suggest you acquaint yourself with the definition of mutual?

merlottime · 30/12/2016 17:19

Op, what about your DS's obligation to comply with the law, and with school rules?

Andcake · 30/12/2016 17:21

A little experience here but how I would approach the meeting would be hoping for the best and electing the worst.
You need to demonstrate that as a parent you have taken the matter seriously and that your son is not going to do it again. He needs to be authentic and genuine as do you and not diminishing the 'drugs'. Think about the school and why they would let him back and take the risk. He does have rights but so do the other kids.
Is he taking the incident seriously is he bothered your comment about the careers service and college worries me

BitOutOfPractice · 30/12/2016 17:22

What I was actually asking for advice for was on how to handle the resolution meeting so that I didnt need to lawyer up.

How to handle the meeting is exactly that I've been trying to tell you. And the short answer is; handle it nothing like you've handled this thread.

And you have already lawyered up Confused

fourcorneredcircle · 30/12/2016 17:26

You are going to need to adjust your attitude towards drugs.

If you approach another school for a place they will ask why your son is moving schools in an exam year. You will have to tell them the truth (as, they will ask his current school and can refuse him once they find out if you haven't told the ) and part of that process will be showing any potential school that you accept your son did wrong and that you have taken steps to to address drugs, his attitude towards them, the fact that he broke the law AND that you will fully support the school in any further actions they require (e.g drugs counselling, workshops, a signed guarantee from you that you accept that they have a zero tolerance policy and that he will be removed if there is any suspicion he is using or dealing drugs even outside of school).

I'm afraid you do seem a bit flippant about the fact that your son was caught doing something illegal and that he'd clearly done before.

Passmethecrisps · 30/12/2016 17:27

I can see both sides of this. We all have personal views and in one post the op suggested that the weed smoking was less of a concern to her than tobacco. She also then accepted that the school wouldn't want to hear this.

Under the circumstances the op has taken the opportunity to seek legal advice. As exclusion - temporary and permenant - are legal issues then this is not necessarily a bad thing. She hasn't, again, suggested that she would go in all guns blazing but rather is keen to ensure that her CHILD gets a fair chance.

Those who would rather the boy was permenantly put out - where does that leave him? Children who are excluded from school are significantly higher to go on to take up drugs as a habit (op has said nothing to suggest that this was nothing more than a one off) and engage in criminal and risk taking behaviour. Schools are under inmense pressure to consider all of these factors and must prove that for the child to remain in that school would be seriously detrimental to the safety and wellbeing of others in the school.

She seems perfectly well aware to me that certain behaviour and responses will make the school more likely to be supportive than others. What she does with that is up to her really.

SVJAA · 30/12/2016 17:27

Ffs it was one joint shared between a few kids, hardly a bag of smack! And before anyone gets all uppity with me, no a 15 year old kid shouldn't be smoking anything, let alone a joint, but should his entire education be risked for one fuck up?
OP, go into the meeting and see what they have to say. Obviously he'll need to show remorse (and mean it) and you'll need to be clear that you're not happy with his behaviour and it won't happen again. Good luck, apparently nobody here (or their kids) have ever fucked up ever Hmm
I'm fully aware I'm going to get flamed for this, but all of you who will, you're the kind of people who would write off a kid over one mistake. So I couldn't give a fuck what you think. Grin

Passmethecrisps · 30/12/2016 17:29

Sorry - higher should read more likely. Unfortunate change of wording given the topic!

Alfieisnoisy · 30/12/2016 17:29

I have t been in your situation OP but my general advice for any school meeting would be to take someone with you who can take notes as you will be overwhelmed by everything.

Have an idea of what questions (if any) you need to ask.

I would also be including your DS in the meeting with regard to how he sees his actions and what he wants to do in order to address that and make things right again.

Teenagers do some very stupid things sometimes and if this is the first time he's ever been in this situation then they are more likely to help him work through it over a period of time.

Some discussion with him about cannabis would be useful as well. It's not the stuff our parents might have smoked back in the 60s/70s as these plants have been cross pollinated and as such are much stronger. He needs to know and understand that.

Original poster
user1483060276 · 30/12/2016 17:31

Thanks Andcake,

Is he taking it seriously...yes and no.

He's taking being excluded seriously, and is currently swatting like nothing on earth for his prelims out of an obstinate desire to come top in every subject.

As for the cannabis issue...much less so. He doesnt see it as a big deal, and as you have probably worked out from my comments above, I'm having a hard time working myself up into a frenzy about it. It was a stupid and irresponsible thing to do, especially in school, but I'm struggling to see it as the absolutely-worst-thing-he-could-possibly-do-and-he-must-be-shunned-from-the-community-for-evermore.

He is aiming for quite a prestigious course which needs high Higher results, and college rather than 5th year would basically mean that course wasnt feasible, so I understand where he is coming from when he is reluctant to consider college.

OP posts: