Year 7 worries

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Ds started Year 7 this September at a school that we were really happy with. We chose it especially and were very fortunate to get a place there. On paper it looked and sounded perfect.

Now I don't know if our expectations were too high, but we've been shocked about the kind of behaviour that seems to go on. We're lucky that ds tells us everything (so far!) so he's come home with tales of foul language and name calling almost daily. However, our real concern is that he seems to be being targeted frequently. We first had to contact the Year 7 director after a couple of weeks because some boys in his form were picking on him and calling him names. That was sorted out fairly quickly. Next it was an older boy who was bullying him over table tennis! That was nipped in the bud. Then today, ds went in with a new haircut, and was subjected to smacks around the head with the whole 'fresh trim' thing. They really hurt him and made him really unhappy and uncomfortable.

Now, am I being precious in being concerned about this behaviour? Is this 'normal' stuff for pre ados? Am I silly to be constantly in touch with the Year 7 director about this stuff? Or justified?

I would be emailing as well. Bullying behaviour should not be tolerated by a school.
I wish you the very best of luck.

The slaps for a new hair cut comes and goes in fashion every few years. Generally once schools see it its clamped down on (certainly everywhere ive worked its been taken very seriously). I'd let school know.

Overhearing students using a bit of language isn't entirely unusual. To be honest, it's the teen years where kids come across swearinh and try it out around friends (not all of it is to offend. Just think about adult swearing to build friendships). To a new y7 this is big and shocking but it doesn't mean kids are yelling swear words in lessons.

Odd name calling, not nice but not always bullying. Kids are kids, they fall out, make up and secondary can be a bit of a difference if y7s have come from primaries where you tell the teacher every time you fall out at play time. Bullying is clamped down on quickly and is very serious.
Older kids intimidating younger children over table tenis- absolutely worth raising with the school and something school needs to deal with.

Honestly, some things worth raising. Not all. It's a challenging move for y7s. They've gone from being big cheese in a small environment to being the little ones in an environment where the older students aren't far from adults (or are adults if there's a 6th form).

Thanks for your replies. Has put my mind at rest about my many emails to y7 director. We're a family who don't swear so I guess that would be shocking. I get that it's pretty harmless though. Glad to have contacted the school about the other things though. Thanks again

You can never find parents who all have the same standards so children don't either. Swearing children is pretty yuk in my view but if a teacher is not present, then he will have to put up with it. Teachers should say that swearing is unacceptable and reinforce behaviour standards at assemblies and in tutor groups.

If it helps, I usually find pleasant children find pleasant friends - someone like them. This gives safety in numbers. They tend to get left alone after a while because they are not seen as worth the effort if they do not react. I would imagine the head slap is not malicious - it is sort of a boy thing! It is an acknowledgement of change and sometimes approval. Your DS will get to read the signs pretty soon.

Thanks bojorojo I'm surprised at how different year 7 is from primary. It's a whole new world! He didn't know anyone when he started so I guess it's taking him a while to find a good friendship group. Thanks for the reassurance.

In my experience, children usually find friends who are similar to them academically, have similar interests and similar parents! You cannot sift for him, but he will get to work out who is like him and who he enjoys working with. Who does he chat to? Suggest he asks a friend (or potential friend) over to your house. My DDs both started secondary school not knowing anyone. Friends are often the ones you can have a laugh with. I found though that friendships can change when GCSE groups come along and maturity sets in!