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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Teacher teasing ds

24 replies

9troubledwaters · 05/10/2016 20:55

Ds was looking over at his friend who'd got her finger caught in a ring binder in design & technology class today.
Teacher whispered to her 'i think he fancies you' pointing at Ds then other kids joined in laughing and saying you fancy her etc and ds started to cry. Teacher said You can slap me on the hand' presumably as way of apology??
He's 11 and only just started there, he's got a lot going on, his dad and I are divorcing, its uncertain where we're going to live, his beloved gm is in hospital, I've got mh problems but he's a sweet shy boy and he's upset about this and so I am. Is it over reacting I cant tell. Should I do anything about it if so what? I think it's awful but maybe its normal??
Hes pp they must know he has stuff going on at home??

OP posts:

Creatureofthenight · 05/10/2016 20:59

Sounds like the teacher realised he (was it a he?) had gone too far. I know it was an off the cuff remark that he presumably regretted instantly, but I do think it was inappropriate.

Haggisfish · 05/10/2016 21:06

I'm a teacher and wouldn't say anything like that. I'd try to speak to the teacher to say it upset ds and could he not tease him again please.

Haggisfish · 05/10/2016 21:07

And I'd let school know everything that is going on, ask tutor to send email to staff to let them know and ask school if he can see school counsellor for outside person to chat to.

Original poster

9troubledwaters · 05/10/2016 21:37

No, she.
I don't know what to do for the best, im upset because he's mine & the thought of other kids joining in with her and making him cry is so sad. I feel like shes put a target on his back now - crying in front of everyone.
Hes eager to please and hates to see other people upset esp me so hes sweeping it under the carpet now and saying don't worry mum. But he ran home & cried about it the second he got in so he was upset. Perhaps I should let him ride the storm - the school are very closed anyway, I wouldn't know who to speak to there.
I could send a note to his tutor tomorrow (ive met him hes very offish im not sure he would take it seriously)

OP posts:

AChickenCalledKorma · 05/10/2016 22:28

No I don't think you are over-reacting and the school really should have made it clear who you are supposed to contact if you have concerns. If the form tutor is unapproachable, is there a head of year or some sort of pastoral person listed on their website? At our school this would be a quick email to the form tutor to alert them to the fact he was upset and also that there are things going on at home that mean staff should be keeping a particular eye on how he is settling in. And I would fully expect them to actually do that!

Original poster

9troubledwaters · 05/10/2016 23:33

Thanks for the reassurance, im going to sleep lie awake worrying on it & compose something in the morning

OP posts:

Original poster

9troubledwaters · 06/10/2016 00:15

Would you call it teasing btw ?
If I started the note: ds came home upset yesterday because he'd been teased by a teacher...
Not sure if that's the right word

OP posts:

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 06/10/2016 04:57

You could say "Just to let you know ds came home upset as a teacher said in the lesson that he fancied a girl and other children joined in laughing and making fun of him." Then mention his other issues.
Hope you slept ok (say I at 4.55 am

AChickenCalledKorma · 06/10/2016 07:14

You could say the teacher joked that he fancied a girl - because then you are recognising that it was meant to be a joke even if it backfired. The most important thing is to make sure they know he was upset and he has a lot of stuff going on that means they should be looking out for him. Hope they listen (and that you both have a better day)

AChickenCalledKorma · 06/10/2016 07:28

I would describe what happened, purely factually, and then say something like "Can staff please be aware that ds is not feeling too robust at the moment as there are a number of family issues going on at home that are hard for him to deal with. He could do with a bit of support with settling in, and I'm worried that yesterday's upset may have set him back with making friendships."

Oblomov16 · 06/10/2016 07:33

How is the scripting it going OP? Good luck.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 06/10/2016 08:36

What Chicken wrote at 7.28 is good.

Original poster

9troubledwaters · 06/10/2016 10:59

That sounds good chicken unfortunately id written it by then I did say teacher teased and because of these issues needs a little more compassion settling in. Ill be surprised if I get a reply but ill let you know if anything is said to him at school. Thanks for support MN thank goodness for it at times

OP posts:

AChickenCalledKorma · 06/10/2016 16:26

I think MN's has a massive role in giving people a way of finding out what's "normal", especially when schools are less than responsive. Really hope he had a better day today.

Original poster

9troubledwaters · 06/10/2016 16:58

Thank you, yes and support in general. Im happy to be out of a bad marriage but there's not someone there to talk to in the same way. I have friends but they have their own lives and when you have a partner their life is your life iyswim. So mn is/a lifesaver sometimes.

Hes ok, I received an email from his form tutor to say he'd received my note, he was sorry to hear what happened & he's had a general chat with the class about being kind etc.
Completely glossing over the fact it was a teacher who started the teasing but nevertheless im happy to get a reply.

OP posts:

lizzieoak · 06/10/2016 17:05

Yes, they do tend to gloss when it's a teacher! Sigh. I suspect that while they'd never admit it to a parent, the Head often has a quiet word with the teacher who's being an arse.

My DS had terrible problems w his French teacher when he was 11, all the boys did. The deputy head waved me away, got shirty, defended the teacher. After one year she was quietly let go.

Poor kiddie, I hope he's feeling better soon & that he finds a few nice kids to connect to.

cricketballs · 06/10/2016 17:18

After one year she was quietly let go so you were told they were 'letting her go'

Teachers leave schools all the time (in fact we can leave at the end of each term) usually to go to a different job

lizzieoak · 06/10/2016 18:26

Teachers very rarely left that school and she went off to a much less highly rated school. It came out after she left that while the deputy head had been telling all the parents they were the only ones complaining, it had actually been a majority of the parents.

Yes, I'm not positive, but it seemed pretty obvious (due to that school being a popular place to work). Why question it?

Salmotrutta · 06/10/2016 19:57

Aside from the fact that this teacher teased your son and embarrassed him she has also stepped over a professional line by referring to pupils "fancying" each other etc.

Totally inappropriate and she's supposed to be the adult professional not one of "the gang".

cricketballs · 06/10/2016 20:00

no school is now a popular place to work - highly rated schools come with different pressures than less highly rated (in whose eyes by the way).

I worked in a 'poorly rated' school and now work in the top performing school in the LA; guess which one I actually prefer! In fact when I first joined my current school the turnover was negligible; now it is rising year on year

I have also left a school as a HoY to join a school with no responsibility (so less money, despite loving being a HoY) because of the SLT at the school and what they 'envisaged' for the school and the staff.

She could have wanted less stress, wanted a different timetable/subject mix/promotion/working times - there are a million reasons why this teacher is now working at a different school.

Parental gossip which concludes that 2+2=5 is one of the many reasons why teachers are leaving in their droves....

lizzieoak · 06/10/2016 20:09

I missed that you're a teacher, so that's why you're defensive.

I don't live in the UK. I live in a part of Canada where teachers are very well paid, I'd been involved with the school for 10 years at that point so could see the very low turnover, and leaving after a year was highly uncommon.

Perhaps in your experience things are different. The idea that parents are an unfortunate part of teaching seems to span the ocean though

cricketballs · 06/10/2016 20:22

I live in a part of Canada where teachers are very well paid and I'm guessing treated like professionals by authorities....

cricketballs · 06/10/2016 20:27

The idea that parents are an unfortunate part of teaching only the minority.

Gossiping about why a teacher left is just a small part of it, if you read a lot of threads on MN, read the news etc then you will see in the UK that we have to be saints that can never, never get anything slightly wrong, never have a joke with a student, never set too little or too much work, everything wrong in society can be put right if only those damned teachers did their jobs properly and delivered half a million subjects that has nothing to do with the curriculum, have magical powers that can foresee the constant changes made by the DoE and be prepared for them with a minutes notice....oh and we have to live like nuns and not smoke, drink, be seen outside after school

sorry - bad day at the office!

AChickenCalledKorma · 07/10/2016 08:41

Perhaps we should also remember that this thread is about the welfare of a specific 11 year old boy and debates about other issues might be better taken elsewhere.

Glad to hear you got a response troubled - at least you have a point of contact now and they are hopefully more aware of the need to keep an eye out.

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