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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

How to help a new year 7 who's coming home every day crying

18 replies

Palomb · 13/09/2016 19:06

Because all the girls are ignoring her :( She's socially very awkward and immature and can be a bit annoying and repetitive as she doesn't read social cues at all, but she's very bright and kind and friendly. She's desperate to make a friend :(

It's bringing back memories of my school life which was very lonely. Is it worth taking to the school already? I'd hate to think she's got another 7 years feeling like she does at the moment.

OP posts:

LovelyBath77 · 13/09/2016 19:12

I was like that at secondary too. These days they have lots of clubs, how about something like that?

RaeSkywalker · 13/09/2016 19:13

I was going to suggest what Lovely said.

Sunnydaysrock · 13/09/2016 19:20

My DD had a very rocky year 7. Friend issues, some bullying... We dealt with each incident appropriately and the school were very good. However you obviously can't make friends for her. We encouraged our DD to join clubs, and to also not waste time on girls that she didn't really enjoy being with just for the sake of having friends. It's better for your DD to seek out the like minded people, they are there somewhere. Have you spoken to her tutor? So far our DD is having a much calmer year 8, though I'm not complacent about the situation, things can change daily. Senior school is tough. A different school could have exactly the same problems for your DD, I would persist for a while.

noblegiraffe · 13/09/2016 19:21

Let her tutor know. She might be able to suggest to a nice girl that your DD is feeling a bit isolated, or some lunchtime clubs that your DD might like to attend.

Definitely talk to the school! No tutor would want one of their tutees in tears every night and not know about it.

Fallulah · 13/09/2016 19:24

I was a year seven tutor this time last year and I would have wanted to know about this. After school clubs and things will be starting to get going now so definitely try and get her to find out about those. As someone else said, the like minded ones will be there somewhere, it just takes a bit of time.
Is she in anything like drama group, Guides etc. It's sometimes good to meet people away from school too.

Original poster

Palomb · 13/09/2016 19:35

She does guides and sea cadets which she enjoys so she does have friends outside school and she seems happy enough outside school when she's not screaming at her brother! But she is so immature compare to to other girls her age. I can see her being an east target for bullies.

I'll give her form tutor a call tomorrow and have a chat. The lunch time clubs are a brilliant idea so I'll ask about those definitely.

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

Lilaclily · 13/09/2016 19:38

Also can you tell her to go to the library or computer room if she doesn't have anyone to hang out with at lunch time ? It also might get her chatting to the member of staff there who might introduce her to someone in the same position
Check out the pastoral care on the website too, there might be a specific person to chat to as well as the tutor but agree with tutor being first port of call

Original poster

Palomb · 13/09/2016 19:45

I have suggested the library and she's already nominated herself as student librarian so that would be easy enough for her. I think she thought it was going to be like hogwarts and she'd make her best friends for life on the first day. Bloody Harry Potter!

OP posts:

Sunnydaysrock · 13/09/2016 19:47

There's a book called 'Big Mouths, Bullies and So called Friends' I got on recommendation for DD. It helps with self esteem and lots of social issues. My DD also has an active social life outside school, Scouts, karate and some very close friends who don't go to her school. I think it goes without saying how important that is, if they are happy at home and feel secure, they can get through year 7.

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 13/09/2016 19:47

Having experienced something similar myself I would recommend looking at the kidscape website to look for ways of developing inter-personal skills and projecting confidence as this will help her to avoid being picked on and help with making friends. you can look yourself and feed the tips in without mentioning where they are from if you want to avoid worrying her unnecessarily. Obviously it's no ones fault if they get bullied but there are strategies that can help avoid it. Hope things improve soon, it's so worrying for you at this age when you can't just scoop them up and keep them safe

MrsDallowaySaid · 13/09/2016 19:50

Definitely tell school, we would want to know! We have a lunch time club for children who find it hard to make friends- they play board games and do craft under the supervision of a member of staff and learn their social skills that way. The library is also a good suggestion.

Original poster

Palomb · 13/09/2016 19:57

Loads of great suggestions here, thank you all so much.

OP posts:

Acornantics · 13/09/2016 20:06

Hi, I'd definitely speak to her tutor, they can keep an eye on her and maybe suggest some clubs or people she can spend time with.

My DS doesn't find it easy to make friends, tho like your DD, he's lovely and kind and sweet and smart. He's just not into sport or the 'cool' stuff, preferring Lego and Minecraft and books, and is shy. It took him a while in Yr7 to find his 'tribe', but sure enough, he now has a group of four similar-minded boys and is very happy.

His tutor was worried when he first started as he was SO quiet, but he just needed time to find out where he fitted in. I'm sure your DD will find her place too.

Leeds2 · 13/09/2016 20:16

Another one saying speak to the form tutor (does DD like him/her, think they may be able to help?) and get involved with lunchtime clubs. I moved to a new school in Year 10, and I remember the lunchtimes being very, very lonely. I would also guess that there is someone else feeling just as lonely, and who would love to be your DD's friend - they just need to meet up!

Original poster

Palomb · 13/09/2016 20:43

she hasn't really mentioned him to be honest but I'm sure he's seen it all before. I asked her if she wanted to speak to him and she said no and to wait another week to see if she found someone. The school has them sitting BGB in their form room and lessons which seems a little unfair to people who haven't come from one of the feeder schools as thes no opportunity to just chat. We have just moved house so DD doesn't know anyone.. A double whammy for her really.

It's a comforting thought that there might be clubs and stuff. Will definitely try to contact the school tomorrow.

OP posts:

CodyKing · 13/09/2016 20:47

My confident DD also struggled - it's not unusual at all - lots of changing groups etc will happen as girls fall in and out - ask your DD to look for someone who also looks lonely and in need of a friend - gives her purpose away from herself

It's easy to stare at the groups and miss the outsiders so to speak

Tell her her BFF hasn't found her either

Also I'm not one for BF - lots of friends is better at this age and she'll natural find one she prefers over the others - it's will happen

LovelyBath77 · 13/09/2016 21:53

I agree, my husband was going on about our DS who has also just started not having 'best friends' and that I 'don't think it's a problem' but i just think he's fine, he knows a few boys. It's early days and maybe better off not bring in a group which is not always great, anyway. Hope she gets on OK as time goes on.

QueenofQuirkiness · 13/09/2016 22:37

Your poor DD I would talk to the school so that she can be integrated as quickly as possible whilst girls are still making friends, there's usually a good pastoral system for year 7s at most schools. Perhaps she could join some lunchtime/ after school clubs based on her interests, or maybe an older girl (y11) might be interest in being a bit of a mentor for her? Best of luck

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