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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Y7 new starter ...DS meltdown already!

19 replies

croatiamom · 08/09/2016 23:53

Started Monday and all seemed well was quite full of it. Tues the same but last night DS had a total meltdown at bedtime :(

Crying uncontrollably says he doesnt feel organised (he is) cant sleep (it's humid I told him) couldnt concentrate in English that day (worse subject hates writing) worried about making friend (he has mentioned new names to me). Then tonight he's come out in a nasty rash...I told him it was heat rash but I know it's not...it's more like hives. Got GP asvice and given him a tablet tonight.

Today was a better day but he did say I hate school Im telling everyone Im ok but Im not. My heart is breaking. :(

OP posts:

Original poster

croatiamom · 08/09/2016 23:54

Anyone elses DC had a meltdown so early on???

OP posts:

LiveLifeWithPassion · 09/09/2016 00:00

Mine has become very stroppy and moody.
I couldn't say anything right this morning and he wouldn't even say bye.
He was horrible to his siblings yesterday and it's so unlike him.
I was upset this morning but he seemed a lot better this evening.
Friends kids have had meltdowns too.

They're dealing with a lot at the moment and it must be overwhelming sometimes. They're still so little.
We can try to reassure them as much as we can but they need to find their own feet.

Mummydummy · 09/09/2016 00:02

My DS got very overwhelmed by the huge school, rushing from room to room, how much there was to remember, older kids barging past... He was afraid and overwhelmed. But he was lucky enough to have a big sister who gave him tips and looked out for him. Today he and his sister were gossiping about the teachers they like, joking about the ones they don't, insider gossip. but there are always new challenges and changes, its just transitions and primary to secondary is a very significant one. It passes...

minifingerz · 09/09/2016 00:08

Ds1 struggled massively for the first two terms of year 7. Crying in the evenings. Complaining. Severely disorganised. Just started in year 8 and he's feeling so much more settled. He said he was happy to go back.

Ds2 just started in year 7 and he's been like a tightly wound Spring. He's angry and agitated and is arguing non stop with me. It's awful.

High school transition is AWFUL for some kids. :-(

Original poster

croatiamom · 09/09/2016 00:12

He is such a confident child, and couldnt wait to start wanted to go last week! think we under estimated him. Also since Monday 5 pieces of homework!!!! which he has done I did help abit just to take sone of the pressure off. I know he will eventually be ok but so much pressure nowadays..

OP posts:

Sunnysky2016 · 09/09/2016 12:07

I had exactly the same! Ds started last Friday- excellent day, Monday- excellent day, Tuesday- good day, but Tuesday night he had a melt down!! Didn't like it, didn't like the other children, wanted to move schools etc. I calmed him and said if he really hated it that much, we would contact the school I had wanted him to attend, but he didn't, and see if they had a place.
Wednesday morning, more tears, please don't make me go and so on. So I said fine, stay home, and we will look at what we could do.
8:15am phoned the school he wanted to transfer too, who told me to contact county hall. Phoned them at 8:20 (thankfully they were in the office), no the year is full and a long waiting list.
So ds said 'I guess I have to stay where I am', so it was 'yes, but we can look else where, come on then, get your uniform on, and I will take you'. This led to another melt down, I was horrible and so on. Tears all the way to school, (and I was holding back mine), got into school at 9:10am.
Came home that afternoon, school was ok he said, followed by a lot of laughing over things that had happened throughout the day, and naming at least 6 new friends.
Last he said 'I can't imagine going anywhere else now' and he is way more settled!!!
Me..... I think I need a few bottles of wine to get over the experience! I was devestated to say the least on Tuesday/Wednesday, thinking all the worst, bullying etc and he's bounced back like nothing happened.
In hindsight, I probably sent the wrong message, in that you can run away from things and not confront them. Yet I felt that bad for him, I would have agreed to move house, if I thought it would stop the tears.

Sunnysky2016 · 09/09/2016 12:12

That should have read 'last night he said he could not imagine going anywhere else'.

steppemum · 09/09/2016 12:24

Really normal.
It is emotionally exhausting. Everything new, new kids, new staff, new building, new rooms, new subjects, new timetable, new lunch system, new uniform, new way of getting to school.....

It is a massive emotional overload. They do of course manage it and come out the other side, in a surprisingly short time, but they are overwhelmed. And for confident kids who have been fine at primary, it is a shock to their system to find that theydon;t have everything under control and they are unsure what comes next or what is expected of them.

Support, reassurance, favourite dinner, early night, and a quite weekend to recover from first week. They will go in on monday much more confident as it isn't so unknown.

minifingerz · 09/09/2016 13:10

DS2 has ASD. It makes these sorts of transitions so much harder. :-(

Sunnysky2016 · 09/09/2016 14:16

Mini did his primary school do a lot of transition work with him to prepare for the move? Our feeder primaries do a lot of transition work, even days that they all year 6 who attending the same high school, get to get her from all the schools, and prepare a musical performance for parents. Year 5 and 7 are also included. So they get to see each and work with each other in the July prior to September start. In addition they have days at the school, and one or two afternoons a week, June- July, after school, doing activities such as art, PE, music, drama and cooking. This was way more than my ds1 ever had. Plus if any children have additional needs the support goes beyond that, I can't say what exactly as mine do not, but transitions did mention it happened for parents reference.

Ditsyprint40 · 10/09/2016 08:45

Totally normal - everything is new and a bit overwhelming, and they are exhausted by the end! Need a quite weekend, might be worth phoning school and just informing their tutor/head of year just so they can keep an eye on them/check in with them in school, but honestly try not to worry they will soon settle in.

minifingerz · 10/09/2016 17:19

Sunny, there has been very little support for ds. One induction day during the summer term, but nothing more than any of the other children have had. I suspect most of his teachers have no idea of what his needs are. The senco from his primary went off on maternity leave just before the end of summer and I never got any feedback or input from either school as to what arrangements have been put in place to support my son. :-(

Last night he was up until 1am, sobbing and begging not to go back on Monday. :-(

Geraniumred · 10/09/2016 17:24

My dd is competent and fairly confident and old in her year, But even she was wobbly this week and very glad it's Saturday today - there has been so much to process. It did make me wonder how her younger/ less confident friends are getting on.
It will hopefully all settle in time- but as a parent I am finding it more of Challenge than when she started primary.

Wonderfulworcestershirelady · 11/09/2016 18:21

DS (yr 7) school was "awesome" on Monday, by Wednesday it was "awful".
He got lost after lunch and eventually had meltdown. By the time I picked him up from the bus stop his world had ended. We reassured him that practically everyone in his year was probably feeling the same, he was lucky to have got lost, forgotten his maths books, embarrassed himself by having meltdown and had to endure a bus journey with a group of freshers from the University all in his first week. Most of his year would have to wait for their worst week.
Thursday and Friday were awesome!

Original poster

croatiamom · 12/09/2016 11:23

So all ok last night no wobbles and ok this morning off to school quite happy...see how week 2 goes!!!

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Sunnysky2016 · 14/09/2016 09:14

So glad to hear that. My Ds has been happier this week too thankfully. To be honest I honk it affects us worse than them!

Sunnysky2016 · 14/09/2016 09:16

Hi Mini, I am so sorry to hear this, it is heartbreaking. How has this few days gone? Could you contact the HoY and enquire about the arrangements? Feel free to message me if you want

Sunnysky2016 · 14/09/2016 09:21

Honk* lol should have been think!!

Assam · 14/09/2016 09:22

My lovely relaxed boy has has a few teary moments. He's not overwhelmed by the homework because each peice is quite short but its remembering which bit of homework is to be in & when. Especially when thetes one subject but two teachers with different homework each - arrgh!

I've told him we're in it together - im helping him organise himself and bought all the folders, equipment as the instructions have come home.

I don't think this is the time to force him into organization by letting him learn from his mistakes. The tee too much else going on for instance the bus always being late grrrrr!

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