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Secondary education

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Original poster

Am I being unfair...GCSE results

126 replies

Abloodybigholeintheground · 25/08/2016 11:12

Real first world problem here..... Hmm

My son has just got his GCSE results. He has been privately educated and the past year has been a complete battle-us/his teachers vs my son! He is a bright kid-not super genius but more than capable of achieving top grades. He is also bright enough to have worked out what he needed to do through the year to get by-keep out of trouble (mostly) but do no more.
He didn't work particularly for his exams-he did a bit but was kidding himself most of the time.
We set a bench mark for continuing at private school for sixth form-all grade B's or above. Although he isn't overly bothered about school per say he does have a good crowd of mates and loves the sports available to him which are not offered at the other sixth forms.
So-he did OK but got one C.
I think we should stick to our guns and pull him out-his stinking teenage attitude also weighs heavy in favour of this in my mind!
OH is going to bottle it-I am sure. He went to private school-in fact this school-and has a habit of not sticking to deals.
Should I stick to my guns and insist he leaves private education? He knew about this all along and didn't seem bothered (until last week when As came out and started to be nervous). It is only one grade-but what lesson does it teach him that he didn't achieve what was required but got to stay anyway?
Or am I being a miserable cow.... Confused

Just to add-all B's were more than achievable for him. He was told he could achieve A*/A in all bar one subject-ironically he got an A in that one!!

OP posts:
sashh · 25/08/2016 16:22

I'd move him but not just for the C grade.

If there has been a battle up until now then the teachers will have it in their heads that it will be a battle for A Levels.

A new school / college would give him a fresh start, if he is going to buck his ideas up for A Level he will do that any where.

DoinItFine · 25/08/2016 16:41

Hmmm

I think it was a mistake to make this dependent on the results when it is the effort that matters.

You already had all the information you needed yesterday to make this decision. You and he know how hard he worked.

If he had just sneaked a B in that subject, his effort last year would have been just as poor.

I think noble's advice is good - give him a chance to convince you.

Definitely don't decide for him

If he's prepared to put in some effort and thought into making the case for staying where he is for A Levels, then be open to that.

If all he has are glib wisecracks about his disappointing results, then don't waste your money.

NEScribe · 25/08/2016 16:53

Yes,
You can go on exam board website - eg AQA and see the overall needed for a certain grade and also breakdown of different papers - eg foundation/higher.
I have just done this for DD. She was predicted A or A* for both Eng lang/lit and is devastated that she got high B grade in each. I have pointed out that this year's are the worst since GCSEs started (according to news websites). Why the hell they took speaking/listening out of the grade is beyond me - and would have made her pass A grade I'm sure! I hate bloody exams and results days!!!

corythatwas · 25/08/2016 17:33

State school mum here, so only going on general experience of 16yos.

Before you do anything, I would spend a quiet five minutes thinking about what you are actually trying to achieve.

Is it the best possible A-level results? If so, what route do you think is most likely to get him there? Is there a risk that he will feel you have given up on him and therefore work less hard in a state school? Or alternatively, carry on coasting if nothing changes? Personally, I would think the most likely route to success would be keeping him as a concession and using that for leverage as suggested by a pp.

Is it to spend money sensibly? Only you can know what that money can or cannot do for the rest of your family.

Is it to be seen to be fair? It could be argued that if he got a higher grade than expected in one subject and a lower in another, then the problem is not the overall level of effort, but a miscalculation as to where the effort should have been placed.

GnomeDePlume · 25/08/2016 17:39

I am going to challenge you a little on your 'bright but lazy' assessment of your DS. Is he using this as a way of avoiding having to really test himself? Is it possible that what he got is actually not that far away from what he is really capable of. Teachers will say he is capable of XYZ but if the theory isnt tested how do they really know?

My experience of changing schools at A level for a bright but not lazy DD was that she did struggle to settle in a new school where everyone else had carried on from earlier years. She also changed syllabuses for her subjects which was a major change.

amidawish · 25/08/2016 17:42

poor boy my arse
i get you OP

i would ask him what HE wants to do now. if he is at a school where A/A* grades are the norm, does he want to stay? is that what he wants? did he think it would just happen without working hard?

is he prepared to put in the effort for A levels? is he allowed to do the A levels he wants at his school with his grades?

blueskyinmarch · 25/08/2016 17:42

He did great in his GCSEs. Maybe not what you hoped for but great all the same. Don't underestimate how difficult it might be for your DS to move from private to state education and the effect that might have on his learning. One of DS friends moved from private to state after CGSEs and found it hard to adjust as the teaching methods were very different ( crap I believe) and the other pupils didn't really accept her and the other few that also moved for quite some time. It may backfire on you if you move him. What does he want to do? What are his future plans?

YvaineStormhold · 25/08/2016 17:43

What is it about education in this country that suddenly passing all your exams with majority A grades is an indication of laziness??

If someone accused me of that with those grades, I'd show them what 'lazy' meant.

All these labels. 'Bright but lazy'. 'Coasting.' 'Not fulfilling potential'.

Kids must be sick to the back teeth of it all.

amidawish · 25/08/2016 17:55

i am sure if he worked hard and got Cs and below the OP wouldn't be miffed.

it's not about the results. it's about the lack of effort.

2016Blyton · 25/08/2016 17:58

Poor chap. I suppose you can't choose your parents.

NavyandWhite · 25/08/2016 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pestilence13610 · 25/08/2016 18:03

How many open days for colleges and schools did he attend? Where else did he apply? Have any of you thought through plans B,C and D.
What does he want to do?

T0ddlerSlave · 25/08/2016 18:06

Could you offer him some cash for a car or something if he goes to a non fee paying school? I guess it depends what the alternative schools are like.

pontificationcentral · 25/08/2016 18:09

Yvaine you have clearly never lived with an exceptionally bright but exceptionally lazy teenage boy. If the kid can get As with little effort, it's worth considering what effect that is going to have on the rest of their academic life. Far better he realises that he has been a lazy toe rag now than lazes through $30k worth of a levels thinking he is smart enough not to need to make any effort and crashes and burns.

Op I have his twin living here. It is a fairly impossible situation - how to motivate the laziest kid on the planet so he doesn't waste his smarts, or how to ensure that results are linked to effort.

It's disappointing to see a stellar kid get pretty average results through laziness. (And I mean average for the kid - not across the board). It's not hard to look at Carol Dweck and want to hand the kid over for reprogramming.

All we ever want us for our kids to meet their own potential. When they don't it's gutting, especially when you know it is due to their own complete lack of buy-in.

Hopefully this will be a good thing for him op - and he will start to take responsibility for his own studies.

This situation cannot be compared to an average kid who has clogged their guts out for these grades - that kid should be lauded from the rooftops. The op's kid needs a long hard think about his privilege and to use his brain to work out what he needs to do next.

It's not helpful when other parents congratulate your kid for something that has effectively been handed to him on a plate. You may as well congratulate him for having blue eyes or blonde hair.

pontificationcentral · 25/08/2016 18:11

And to do so belittles the outstanding effort of the kids who really have worked for their grades.

Original poster
Abloodybigholeintheground · 25/08/2016 18:15

Comments about poor child, horrid parents etc do make me laugh. So horrid we spent all year ensuring he stopped being so slack and worked through his coursework, assessments etc. So horrid we are bothered that he achieves somewhere near his true potential. I tell you what, we'll go for the relaxed, laid back attitude and let him do what he wants, flunk all his exams, stay in bed all day refusing to get up for school or a job and leave him to a life of no achievements, no money and no prospects. That's what nice parents do hey?
In the meantime, back in the real world where aiming high should be something to be proud of....

OP posts:
Original poster
Abloodybigholeintheground · 25/08/2016 18:15

Toddler -the car idea would definitely push his buttons!

OP posts:
CrotchetQuaverMinim · 25/08/2016 18:17

I can't see how it will motivate him to work harder next year, as he will just see that he's been punished, he's away from his mates, he's having a harder time - I expect that would just make him give up, frankly.

It's not like you're showing him a consequence of what might happen with bad grades and giving him a chance to work harder to avoid it in future, in the same situation. You're just moving him into a harder situation and saying 'see how you like that, then', which does come across more as punishment.

I think you're concentrating too much on the not wanting to go back on what you've said for fear of him thinking he'll always get his own way. But this situation seems so unique in his life that I doubt he'll make that sort of conclusion from it anyway; it seems like the wrong ultimatum to have given in the first place, but given that you did, you could save face and make it a meaningful result now by giving him a chance to prove himself, adding extra study time in, etc. Most student find A-levels enough of a shock that things will be very different next year anyway, and if he continues to coast, he will soon know about it with his grades, or the school will get to the point that they won't keep him, or he won't get the grades to do what he wants, and those will be real consequences for him. In the meantime, you can keep on his side, and keep a supportive relationship going while he tries to get to the point of finding motivation and/or realising what happens when he doesn't, and that good relationship will probably serve him better in the long run.

BishopBrennansArse · 25/08/2016 18:40

Don't you bloody give me the being laid back is bad parenting crap.
One of my children starts secondary in September, they don't even offer GCSEs there as it's beyond the cohort's abilities. Instead they learn life skills and vocational qualifications if they are capable.

He is not and never will be a down and out or anything but successful in what he chooses for his life. The measure of a successful human being is not how many subjective bits of paper they can rack up saying they're intelligent.

Our children are so much more than the sum of their qualifications.

cansu · 25/08/2016 18:48

I would leave him where he is, but you may need to be clear with him that he only has one shot at his a levels and that you won't fund endless retakes. It is highly likely that he will struggle with a levels tbh which require much more self study and effort than GCSE even for bright kids.

cansu · 25/08/2016 18:50

Also meant to say for gods sake don't try and bribe him to work for a car! he needs to work for himself so he can get on and do what he wants in the future and to fund desirable purchases like cars. If you promise a car, you will be in the same situation again of wondering whether you should give it to him anyway because he just missed out or whatever.

YvaineStormhold · 25/08/2016 20:20

Pontification You think?

Ok.

PortiaCastis · 25/08/2016 21:00

Turn off your engines and slow down your wheels
Suddenly your master plan loses its appeal
Everybody knows that this reality's not real
So raise a glass to all things past and celebrate how good it feels.

Awash on the sea of our own vanity
We should rejoice in our individuality
Though it's gale force
let's steer a course
For sanity

VanillaSugar · 25/08/2016 21:05

Leave him where he is, the school will ensure that he gets decent a level grades. Unless you've got a very very good sixth form college, he'll go off the rails at the local comp and duck off. Then your money which gun shelled out up to last term will have been completely wasted.

Did you put in notice in April? If not, you'll be liable for one term's school fees anyway. If he'd failed the kit then you could start a grievance with the school, otherwise you absolutely have to pay the fees in lieu.

Keep him there. But no holidays, nice clothes or a car on his 17th birthday.

Mummydummy · 25/08/2016 21:20

Being lazy is a very natural state for a teenager. I think overall he did very well. Forgive him. Nudge and incentivise etc - do new deals etc. Encourage him to make the most of his potential - smart people make the best use of their resources. He stands the best chance of maximising his opportunities staying at that school and your reason for your deal was to get the best for him - right? Focus on that - whats best for him? Don't focus on the small print of the deal - that seems to be missing the point.