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Secondary education

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Original poster

Am I being unfair...GCSE results

126 replies

Abloodybigholeintheground · 25/08/2016 11:12

Real first world problem here..... Hmm

My son has just got his GCSE results. He has been privately educated and the past year has been a complete battle-us/his teachers vs my son! He is a bright kid-not super genius but more than capable of achieving top grades. He is also bright enough to have worked out what he needed to do through the year to get by-keep out of trouble (mostly) but do no more.
He didn't work particularly for his exams-he did a bit but was kidding himself most of the time.
We set a bench mark for continuing at private school for sixth form-all grade B's or above. Although he isn't overly bothered about school per say he does have a good crowd of mates and loves the sports available to him which are not offered at the other sixth forms.
So-he did OK but got one C.
I think we should stick to our guns and pull him out-his stinking teenage attitude also weighs heavy in favour of this in my mind!
OH is going to bottle it-I am sure. He went to private school-in fact this school-and has a habit of not sticking to deals.
Should I stick to my guns and insist he leaves private education? He knew about this all along and didn't seem bothered (until last week when As came out and started to be nervous). It is only one grade-but what lesson does it teach him that he didn't achieve what was required but got to stay anyway?
Or am I being a miserable cow.... Confused

Just to add-all B's were more than achievable for him. He was told he could achieve A*/A in all bar one subject-ironically he got an A in that one!!

OP posts:
baringan · 25/08/2016 12:04

I think those grades sound great. Dd had been privately educated and got 2A, 4B, 3C

Shes going to state 6th form but this isn't a punishment, she can't wait to start there. She got an A in history with an a* in one paper, a B in biology but very close to and A and ditto chemistry. She wants to do biology and RS.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 25/08/2016 12:04

I would keep him at an institution that has teachers in that know him and know his strengths and weaknesses. It's only one C. But I would set down some ground rules for staying.

And I agree with Bertrand, you may not be intending the State option to be a punishment but that may well be an unintended subtext in his mind.

baringan · 25/08/2016 12:04

And history!!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/08/2016 12:06

I would say that the A grade and the C grade even out at two B grades - but that is just statistics. I can see why the OP is not keen to risk another two years of private school fees if her ds is going to carry on doing the bare minimum and tanking his A levels as a result.

I would sit him down and have a long, serious discussion with him - we had to do something similar with ds3, whose attitude was pretty lackadaisical at senior school. He did pull his socks up before his Standard grade exams (we are in Scotland and this is the exam that is the equivalent of GCSEs), and did well in them, so it's perfectly possible that the OP's son can also change his attitude in the next year or two - but it will be up to him.

He will have to realise that he is screwing up his own future, and will have to decide that he doesn't want to do that any more.

I don't know the OP's son's school, or the state schools in their area, so I don't know which one would be best at getting a coasting student to buck their ideas up - but that is the option I would go for. She could give him one last chance - a total change of attitude and achievement in the next year, leading up to AS level, or he goes to state school for A levels.

It is a difficult one, OP - I hope you can sort it out. WineChocolate

Dawndonnaagain · 25/08/2016 12:10

You seem determined to stick to your guns. I do however think you are unreasonable. He got ten GCSEs, nine of which were above the grade you requested, six of which were exceptional grades. I don't think you are playing fair, particularly as we're discussing a child and his future.

tictactoad · 25/08/2016 12:11

Does he want to stay?

If he does, thrash out a deal with him that if he's still showing the same lack of commitment by say Christmas he leaves and sorts something else out. But make it clear lying round the house scratching his balls for months on end isn't on the table.

chameleonspots · 25/08/2016 12:14

He was told he could achieve A*/A in all bar one subject-ironically he got an A in that one!!

So the one he was worried about seems to be the one he worked for and the rest he just coasted?

Definitely let him sweat (and don't tell your DH, in case he lets on that its all ok really).

But if he's lazy, he probably needs to have the extra help his current school can offer - and they know him well too.

youarenotkiddingme · 25/08/2016 12:18

Will he be doing the subject he got a C in at a level? What subject was it? I think that would make a difference to me.

TBH I'd make it more about lack of effort than lack of grade. You can also check if that was a C but almost a B or a C by the skin of his teeth because he CBA to study.

Could he start his AS levels there with the condition he does X y and z and if he renegades on his side of the deal he'll complete them at college. Make it more that if he wants the privilege of private education he needs to prove he deserves it?

embo1 · 25/08/2016 12:21

I think you should talk to him openly... discuss your previously agreed upon terms and see what he has to say for himself. I would only consider continuing at this school if he seems contrite and understands the cost of the education and agrees to make the most of it. And I would also stress that if he does not take his education seriously and if he seems to be slacking, then you will pull him out and send him to... whatever the alternative would be.

I went to a private school... I would have been far better off if I'd had to take some of the responsibility for my own studies instead of the constant pressure and comparison to other students with the added pressure of not living up to my parents' expectations (based primarily on the money they'd spent) I didn't want to try my best and fail... much easier to slack off and fail...

fascicle · 25/08/2016 12:25

It would be interesting to find out how close to the boundary his grade C was (as a parent, can you access the information online?) . If he was a mark or two off a B grade, would you feel differently? Any chance that his papers haven't been marked correctly?

Attitudes to studying seem to shift with A levels - maybe he'll be more committed to studying subjects that he has chosen and are of interest to him.

Do you think this school is best suited to what he wants to study/do after school?

How does your son feel about his grades and the prospect of changing schools?

Original poster
Abloodybigholeintheground · 25/08/2016 12:26

Food for thought!
I would have expected more people to say let him get on with enjoying life at a college TBH. He is very immature and I think going into state education would mean he would grow up a bit more-to have to motivate himself rather than been spoon fed as they are at private. I am also leaning more towards a "what will be will be" attitude wrt his future-he doesn't have a clue about what he wants to do-it's almost as if he hasn't made a link between himself and being an adult in 2 yrs! I was very academic and a high achiever but having battled with him over the past year or two I have realised that not everyone is the same and perhaps we should let him get on in his own way-doesn't everyone say they get there in the end?!

College he would attend as an alternate is very different but very successful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Abloodybigholeintheground · 25/08/2016 12:28

Subjects he wants to study at A level were A*/A. But he had complete free rein over GCSE choices-in fact switched In the early days as he changed his mind.

OP posts:
ShipwreckedAndComatose · 25/08/2016 12:36

-to have to motivate himself rather than been spoon fed as they are at private

I teach at an outstanding State school with a sixth form and we get a fair few from private school. Most are superb students but some join us because they think it will be somehow easier. But it really isn't, they are put under a lot of pressure and given a great deal of support throughout.

One student told me that a few of his friends dropped out early on with us because it wasn't the doss they thought it would be at State school.

Which is why I advised he is better off staying where he is already known and has the relationships with teachers established. And that, if he does go to the state school, he doesn't go with the attitude I saw in the students I described above.

Original poster
Abloodybigholeintheground · 25/08/2016 12:37

The issue is about the effort.
There had to be some grade boundaries in place as there is no way to quantify his effort. B's should have been achievable all round with a moderate amount of work-he was expecting himself to get A* in the 3 sciences and maths without doing much work. My worry is we strike a deal-yes, you stay as long as you work etc etc-but then he doesn't work (he is a typical teen-full of good intentions when he wants something!) and then what? Pulling him out mid way through studies is surely worse isn't it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Abloodybigholeintheground · 25/08/2016 12:42

No illusions here that state will be easier shipwrecked -I think it would require more motivation. Not sure why they would think that-same exams at the end of the day.
But after battling for so long I think it would be easier to let him find where he wants to be without the pressure from parents forking out lots of money!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/08/2016 12:43

Maybe these results will be the shock to the system he needs - he will realise that he can't just coast, and still get the good marks?

I do think they mature a lot in the mid to late teens - mine certainly did. Ds3 in particular was a bit of a nightmare in the early teens, and was definitely not working that hard at school - but it seemed as if the penny suddenly dropped, and he started being far more self-motivated, and worked harder - and he did well enough in his Highers (the exams Scottish students take at 17 - AS level equivalent, I think) that he got an unconditional offer from university.

We did point out to him that going to university meant he got 4 more years to decide what he wants to do (degrees are 4 years up here), and I think that appealed to him. He did choose a subject that isn't really vocational, but is a core, academic one.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 25/08/2016 12:46

I agree with your second sentence there (the motivation bit, less so... That would not be the case with us).

You do need a frank discussion with him about it all and base the decision on what would get him where he wants to be after A levels. Established relationships with staff or a fresh start? And what he thinks would happen if either option starts to falter.

PurpleDaisies · 25/08/2016 12:47

No illusions here that state will be easier shipwrecked -I think it would require more motivation. Not sure why they would think that-same exams at the end of the day.

It's definitely harder in a state school (broadly speaking). Despite the exams being private schools have much smaller class sizes. That makes a MASSIVE difference to how the students do. Not to mention being able to run all sorts of extra revision classes, trips etc

Autumnsky · 25/08/2016 12:48

In my DS1’s school, 1/3 of students will move into State college, as there is a quite good A level college nearby. We plan to move him as well. The main reason is money. I think we need to have a 2 year break before we start to support his University. And the other reason is, the state one is more close to the feel of an University, I think this will be a good step for him to learn to be more independent. And I believe he would get same A level grade as he stay at his current school, of course, we need to pay more attention for his University application.

YvaineStormhold · 25/08/2016 12:51

Blimey, some people on here are harsh. The boy did great.

Autumnsky · 25/08/2016 12:53

I agree with some post that you make the decision based all the facts not just because of the C grade, then discuss with him openly.

MrsJayy · 25/08/2016 12:53

Well if you are paying for his education then you might get told he was predicted A* to keep him at that school he got fine marks he just didnt perform well as you paid for .

HPFA · 25/08/2016 14:27

Yvaine I must admit I'm a bit stunned by amount of people on here who think these are bad grades. DD only 12 but I'd be very happy with these in four years time (translated into numbers of course).

noblegiraffe · 25/08/2016 14:49

No one thinks they are bad grades full stop. They think they are bad grades for a student who could have achieved far more if only they'd pulled their finger out. That fact makes them disappointing grades.

I was absolutely bloody delighted for a student of mine who got a G in maths. For that student, it was an awesome achievement.

PurpleDaisies · 25/08/2016 14:53

DD only 12 but I'd be very happy with these in four years time (translated into numbers of course).

If your dd was predicted straight A*s but she didn't do and work and got Bs and Cs can you honestly say you wouldn't be a bit disappointed?

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