Angry 9pm emails to teachers of Independent schools

[jeanne16]

This is very common apparently, according to Daily Mail article. After a glass of wine, parents fire off angry emails to teachers, expecting instant replies.

So have you ever done this and if so, what was your complaint?

That u-non u thing is dated though. I am pretty sure that only people over 70 would talk about getting an 'ice' rather than ice cream, and they wouldn't be thinking of phish food, or peanut butter cup, and when was the last time you heard anyone say they had bought a cycle?

Oops, wrong thread!

The Daily Mail article was ripped from an IAPS magazine article about wine o'clock emails and it actually is worth a read.
A break down of school communication from 100 schools showed that emails received during the day and early evening tend to be brief, clarifying an issue or requesting information.
Any incidents have been freshly described by the child, and any reasons for absence given. The later ones tended to be more emotional and with more rhetoric, 1/10 of the schools said that it was clear when parents had been drinking.
Complaints will obviously need to be made from time to time, but a clear outline of the issue and a request for a meeting is a better ways of handling it, than copying in other parents and mustering up an outcry
The article went on to discuss how, because heads are more accessible these days parents tend to go straight to the top rather than through more appropriate channels.
The article raised points around people expecting more for their money, and so being more intrusive about what schools are doing with and for their children. It also said that parents take their outside stress and angst out on the staff over trivial matters such as a lost shoe. One school head likened these emails to road rage, they are used as a vehicle to vent frustration.

It was followed up by an editorial about parents being more stressed than they have been in the past, both around their own work and their aspirations for their child, and this is filtering down into their handling of school staff.

I think most of us like to feel we aren't demanding our kids teachers 24/7 and I have to say I feel l need less contact with my DSs school since he moved into the independent sector, but I would imagine that the issues raised apply to state and independent sector parents and teachers.
I agree with a poster above, I would hate to think the staff at my son's school needed to contact me straight away, no matter what time of day or night, and sometimes I do send later emails because it is when I get the chance to, and I think it looks unprofessional to be eager beaver always waiting to respond.
Pause reflect and look into it.

The later ones tended to be more emotional and with more rhetoric, 1/10 of the schools said that it was clear when parents had been drinking. Complaints will obviously need to be made from time to time, but a clear outline of the issue and a request for a meeting is a better ways of handling it, than copying in other parents and mustering up an outcry

I think the bigger question is how parents who send off angry emails when they are drunk, cc'ing them to all and sundry, manage to hold down the kind of jobs that enable you pay expensive school fees.

Are these people with trust funds?

I expect they are the people who hold it together at work and then let it rip in their down time when they decide they have an avenue to vent through

"I think the bigger question is how parents who send off angry emails when they are drunk, cc'ing them to all and sundry, manage to hold down the kind of jobs that enable you pay expensive school fees.
Are these people with trust funds?"
Of course they haven't all got trust funds (you've been reading too much Agatha Christie) there is a huge drinking culture (as in drinking alcohol) amongst the wealthy middle classes. IMO experience when mums meet for lunch or even late morning coffee drinking alcohol is very much the norm, as is downing a bottle if not two bottles of wine in the evening and many will have also had a "quick drink" with their colleagues before they commute home, . We've quite a few friend who successfully hold down very respectful jobs; bankers barristers etc who as far as I can see are pissed most evenings.

We've quite a few friend who successfully hold down very respectful jobs; bankers barristers etc who as far as I can see are pissed most evenings.

But somehow, through the alcoholic haze, they remember only to send pissed emails to school and not to their clients?

Of course they haven't all got trust funds (you've been reading too much Agatha Christie)

From what I have been seeing on the news, I think Eton might have received some payments that had passed through various efficiently organised trusts and tax saving vehicles!

I'm sure the answer is that most parents at most schools don't complain that much.

I dont think many of our friends are firing off angry emails to schools when they're pissed or sober frankly, nearly everyone we know educates their DC's in the independent sector both day and boarding and I'm always amazed by how uncomplaining they are as a general principle, even when they or their DC's have clearly been treated badly by a school. The article said only 1 in 10 schools receive these emails that's not a lot is it?

"From what I have been seeing on the news, I think Eton might have received some payments that had passed through various efficiently organised trusts and tax saving vehicles!"
Of course there will be the odd parents with trust funds but over the years I've met lot and lots of incredibly wealthy parents; Sunday Times rich listers, hereditary peers Russion billionaires etc mat who were at Eton and have Ds's at Eton et al and nearly all work in fact off the top of my head I cant think of any parents where one or other was not working. I'm not saying they're not putting their earnings through a tax saving vehicles (legal or illegal) and many of course have more money than most people even dream off and still carry on working to make even more money but none I can think of are sitting around doing nothing living on a trust fund.

The article doesn't say only 1/10 receive the emails but 1/10 put them down to drinking.

I did have a lot to complain about at my DSs old school, in comparison I really don't think I have anything to complain about now, but there are many parents happy to complain, and I am aware that one reason I don't have to complain about some issues because other parents are already on it and to be fair to them getting it sorted, but I am fairly sure they aren't the pissed ones.

I'm not trying to say that people who send their children to independent schools are all a bunch of tossers with trust funds.

My point is that, in the context of the article, it's difficult to understand how somebody who has the poor judgement to send drunken emails to their child's school doesn't also have larger problems managing day to day life. If you have the earned income to send your children to a private school, generally it's a sign that you are able to cope with life to an extent. Of course there are drunk, abusive parents at all schools, but a lot of them clearly can't manage day to day life very well.

However, it's only one article, and who knows how accurate the 1/10 figure is and how much has been exaggerated to make it a good read?

In one of my pre children job we received endless complaints, were talking 100's many were ridiculously unreasonable and even untrue, you failed to do X even though it was carefully documented that it had been done very angry, but it's was so common in this line of work and its gone on for so long I dont think it ever crosses anyone's minds that the complainer was pisssed. Parents complaining is a relatively new phenomenon and teachers take it very personally perhaps with time they like we used to just see it as part and parcel of the job.
Although having said this it is very demoralising to receive endless petty complaints, someone was complaining the other day about one of my colleagues, criticising (in writing) the quality of the tea they'd made for him and that the cup was chipped, no I dont work in the catering sector, and I just want to say "do you have any idea how demoralising this is? We cant recruit staff at the best of times and its this sort of thing that makes many leave my profession completely disillusioned" Instead by managers send letter saying your comments have been noted we'll try to do better next time and apologising that youre not happy with our "service"!.

I agree about parents complaining being a newish thing. When I was at school the head was a remote figure even to the parents, he was the absolute figure of authority over schooling, and it was absolutely the last resort to talk to him, that status seems slightly diminished now as heads seem to want to be more approachable.

I do understand what Merrymouse is saying- if you are the sort of person to treat your child's teacher like that, how are you stable enough to hold down a good job, and if I am honest, I think for some of those parents, the rather ugly truth is it's probably a status thing, how they perceive the teacher's status compared to themselves and their minions colleagues and wine may well fuel that sense of entitlement, but for others I think it genuinely is a pressure valve, guilt over working, the stress of work, the stress of having a Tigermother like approach to your child's education, it blows up in emails.

BTW This is a preview of the article that was published
attain.news/post/6

I agree that some parents think school staff are below them, hence the angry wine-fuelled emails.

There would (/ could) be consequences for sending such emails to colleagues, so I wonder if it is because it's pretty safe, albeit embarrassing.

I once had an email argument which started when I emailed at around 6.00 pm It went back and forth until 9.00 pm when I said I could not believe she was making such an issue of the situation. She emailed me back being conciliatory at 11.50 pm!

I once had an email argument which started when I emailed at around 6.00 pm It went back and forth until 9.00 pm when I said I could not believe she was making such an issue of the situation. She emailed me back being conciliatory at 11.50 pm!

My favourite was sending a reasonably mundane email to the Head of Year chasing up on something. I got a very prompt reply. Unfortunately the HOY had thought she was forwarding it to a colleage and had added a note along the lines of "you better get this done as she wont let it drop" though I felt it was unfairly derogatory. Instead she sent it back to me.

I thought it was funny. I assume teachers also have wine-oclock. The HOY had a reputation of being quite brusque with parents. No one ever knew why she was always so very nice to me.

I have never complained by email, but I have once emailed at 8pm to report some bullying of one of my children, and again years later when one of them got tonsillitis two days before AS levels. This was the school's approved way of handling such issues.

No wine was taken on either occasion, and no anger, but the tutors involved responded very promptly and sympathetically. They were great and we thanked them very sincerely.

I don't get the issue with getting emails whenever. Surely the advantage of email is that you can choose to send and indeed monitor it at a convenient time. I far prefer it to the back and forth waste of one of trying to get hold of one another on the phone.

I used to teach in a fee-paying secondary and often received emails late in the evening. I wasn't expected to respond (well not by my employer) however, emails were pushed to my phone so it often suited me to dash off a quick reply/forward it to the relevant person as I saw it, rather than increase my to-do list for the next working day. That was my choice though, I could have turned it off and purposely did so at weekends and holidays for example.

In response to the main point of OP though, yes I suppose I have seen the occasional unreasonable rant that was quite probably sent after a wine too many.

We are expected to reply within 48 hours. Which seems quite reasonable to me.

If I feel the tone of the parent's e-mail is a tad aggressive, I will ensure I cc relevant SMT

I am about to email dd1 teacher cos she left her English homework behind this morning. This email is just for info so I don't expect a reply. I do email teachers pretty often at all times of the day and they reply all times of the day, or sometimes call me. This is due to having 2 children at the same school with ASD and all the various up and downs that situation brings. I have been consistently impressed with the responses and have I hope made that clear to the staff in my replies, even when I am not sure the school always meets my kids needs I know the staff actually care which goes a long way.

In contrast with the primary school they attended, even when I was a governor there emailing staff about governor bizz I didn't always get a reply, contacting the school as a civilian/ parent I had between no hope and Bob hope of a reply. Not impressed by that, the school was ok but communication is important, even if it is a quick acknowledgement some reply is better than none.

Rude parents are part of the job, any job that involves the public involves dealing with arseholes, I worked in local government, in parking for a time, so dealing with angry people face to face, was the usual, so maybe I am hardened to it. Doesn't make it right, but we can't control what others do just how we respond.

My point is that, in the context of the article, it's difficult to understand how somebody who has the poor judgement to send drunken emails to their child's school doesn't also have larger problems managing day to day life. If you have the earned income to send your children to a private school, generally it's a sign that you are able to cope with life to an extent. Of course there are drunk, abusive parents at all schools, but a lot of them clearly can't manage day to day life very well.

My neighbour is a consultant anaesthetist at our local infirmary so high income and has sent children to a private school. I dread to think about him at his work. He's incapable of coping with normal day to day tasks. It's like a comedy sketch just watching him do mundane things like mowing the lawn or de-icing the car - just think Mr Bean and you get the picture. Nothing to do with drink. He can't cope with people either - will fly into a rage at the slightest thing like the paperboy not closing his gate properly (no, he has no pets!). Over-friendly with you one minute and blanking you or shouting at you the next! He's exactly the kind of moron I'd expect would fire off an angry email to a teacher, drunk or not, as he's completely unstable. Heaven only knows how he ever got through medical school and then into such a demanding position - must have been a healthy dose of nepotism. I wouldn't trust him to tie his own shoelaces let alone administer anaesthetics!

I email my children's school (independent and state) when it's convenient or when I have time. Sometimes this maybe 2am.
I do not however expect a reply straightaway.