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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Should I send my kid to a grammar school

134 replies

Mamahen999 · 01/02/2016 00:52

Ds1 is really bright high 11 plus score . Grammar would involve a bus journey but not too bad. I'm rural so would take a little planning. Family and friends are really against this. In fact I'm feeling quite upset at the negativity about it. Local comp was in educ dept intervention as a failing school until last couple years. Turning round and kids seem to love it but falling intake. As a kid I was offered a grammar place but the family decided I shouldn't go as bright kids do well anywhere. I was bullied year 8 and 9 but came into my own and was very very happy at comp. I got middling GCSEs but got notes from grammar friends and went to technical college at night to get me the excellent a levels I needed for the high level uni course I wanted. I succeeded academically in spite of the school but the life lessons in schooling with diverse pupils was invaluable . Family Nd friends are so negative via they all went comp. none of my family went to grammar. They keep saying he'll do well anywhere but I remember vividly the underachievement of boys. Even I had to hide the fact I was studying . it wasn't cool. Yet the grammar school is made up entirely of middle class parents ( my education has made me one too) sending ds1 to grammar is saying to them all I don't agree with your choices but my bright boy is telling me mum I'll have more opportunities there. Maybe he's the bright one . I dunno but I cannot believe the negativity and hostility . Views folks.

OP posts:

Finola1step · 01/02/2016 11:43

Wrt to the timeline, I assumed that the ds is Year 6 and they are nervously awaiting the secondary school decision. That this is about the reaction of family members about the prospect of ds going to grammar now that it is very likely.

GladToBeDone · 01/02/2016 12:29

If you, your DH and your DS all agree on grammar, please send him. A bright child usually benefits immensely from being with similar peers (not least of which is not getting picked on for being smart) and I don't agree that a bright child will do well in any school (plenty of cracks to fall through for a DC whose interests are not sufficiently nurtured).

It's extremely sad that those closest to you can't find it within themselves to encourage and celebrate talent, ambition and success. Two generations of missed educational opportunities is more than enough - please don't add a third.

Badbadbunny · 01/02/2016 13:18

This is what really annoys me. It's celebration time if your kid gets a place in the school's top sports team, or if they land a leading role in the school play. In fact, get a place in a top drama school, or a sports academy and it's high fives all round. In primary school assemblies, any kids who did well out of school for any reason was congratulated in assembly, and special announcements were made for the few kids who got places in arts or sports schools. Yet nothing at all was mentioned about those who got grammar school places. It's like it's some dirty little secret. Do well in sports or arts and you're wonderful, but do well academically and you're a swot to be looked down upon. What a crazy world we live in. No wonder we're forever falling in world league tables for our kids' education!

sydenhamhiller · 01/02/2016 14:31

I totally agree with you BadBadbunny. In our area, if you get into the local academy on a sports or music scholarship, (admissions otherwise based on lottery), that is great, but getting into grammar school apparently just means you think you are better than everyone else. I do think if we had gone private with DC1 we would have had less hassle from other parents.

It is interesting that selection by arts/ music / sport is socially acceptable, but by happening to be quite good at maths is not...

DC1 got quite a lot of hassle throughout primary for being 'a geek' and has been happier in one term of secondary school than he has for about 4 years, so I think you just try and do the best for your child, and ignore everybody else.

swingofthings · 01/02/2016 14:34

Don't look at it as one of the other, most likely he would do well at either, so it's not a case of one being right and the other wrong.

My friend's DD went to grammar school, DD just went to the local comp because there are no grammar school where we are. Although they achieved similarly up to Year 6, I expected her DD to be much ahead in regards to GCSEs but as it stands, they are both expected A/A*. DD was lucky that school was only a 10 minutes walk away whereas my friends' DD had to travel for over 1 hour morning/afternoon. However, she has been very happy at her grammar school and wouldn't change things.

mamaslatts · 01/02/2016 14:36

People are often quite happy to throw other people's kids under a bus when it comes to their principles. It is often a different matter when it comes to their own though (Yes, I am looking at you, Diane Abbott).

I think you would hugely regret sending your son to a failing school to appease other people and what they think is 'best' for whatever reason. It is up to you, your son and his dad. These randoms have nothing to do with it whatsoever.

almondpudding · 01/02/2016 14:58

I have one in a grammar and one in a comp.

Send him to the grammar.

Badbadbunny · 01/02/2016 15:43

It is often a different matter when it comes to their own though (Yes, I am looking at you, Diane Abbott).

Usually I never agree with her, but re her own kids' education, she's right. In theory, brilliant comps for all would be the ideal world. And that's something that a politician is right to call for if that's their belief (and supported by their constituency). But when it comes to the here and now, real life scenario, decisions have to be made on what the situation is today, not what we'd like it to be in the future! She had a choice of a selective education for her kids or comps - her belief is that she should have had a choice of several good comps. But that's not the here and now, so she has to do the right thing for her family. I don't see it as a betrayal of her beliefs, I admire her for it. She's right not to jeopardise her own kid's education for the sake of her beliefs in the long term.

ErgonomicallyUnsound · 01/02/2016 17:41

Look around the schools, you will get a feel for where your DS will fit in.

I would counter the argument that a bright kid does well anywhere with the danger of coasting, peer pressure and not standing out for being "too bright".

My DS is at a superselective which suits him down to the ground as he's very competitive. The other schools we saw I think he either would have coasted at, or not really fitted in.

I would totally ignore what others say, as it's very doubtful they understand the schools or your DS as well as you do.

jonesthegirl · 01/02/2016 22:36

Absolutely send your DS to the most academically appropiate school, which in his case is the grammar school.

I have always believed in selective education and the child receiving an education based around their abilities. I know this view is not generally welcomed here or by many academics. However, i can express this view based on my own experiences of four children from all ranges of the abilty spectrum. DD1 2nd year Chemistry @ Cambridge DD2 Yr12 IB Super Selective, DD3 Yr10 'bog standard grammar' who works very hard to keep up will struggle to get B grades to get in to the 6th form. finally DS year 8 mild (SEN) is well catered for in what people on here disparagingly label as a 'secondary modern' and therefore assume it has to be second rate.

The school is excellent in dealing with his breakdowns of behaviour based on frustations related to the idiosyncratic way he learns. DS is making excellent progress at this school and despite what posters might think is at the correct school regardless of its designation.

LadyWithLapdog · 01/02/2016 22:38

Grammar. He'll be old enough by Sixth Form to really know if he wants to stay on.

Ericaequites · 02/02/2016 04:53

Go for the grammar. A school filled with other children committed to academic excellence is best in the long run.

SelfRaisingFlour · 02/02/2016 06:58

Grammar. I think the "bright kids will do well anywhere" line is a bit of a cliché and not true. Lots of things can go wrong.

My eldest is at a grammar and it's a great school. He's certainly not allowed to coast and there is no stigma about doing well. I know women, who made deliberate mistakes in their tests or made sure they were average at their rubbish schools in order not to stand out.

sandgrown · 02/02/2016 07:05

The Grammar.How I wish we had them where I live .

Blu · 02/02/2016 07:36

Support him all the way. Let him go to the Grammar.

I am not a grammar system champion. My 'top stream' DC is in a good comp, doing well . But you don't have that choice. Why would anyone send a child to a failing high school if they had an alternative?

You will get nonsense from your family, they will make comments about him being posh etc. take no notice or be blunt with them. You won't escape that by sending him to the local school anyway. When he wins prizes, passes exams etc they will go 'oooooh clever clogs' in a not good way . So there is NOTHING to be gained by paying any attention to their silly attitudes anyway.

Be proud of your boy and let him take his place.

You yourself value education, you fought to get it for yourself, so you can face down some daft comments!

Chippednailvarnish · 02/02/2016 08:48

I echo this. I hate the grammar system but given the secondary choices where I live, I will be trying for both the grammar and the church school.

Blu · 02/02/2016 09:01

And OP, if you did have a good local comp you would still be fighting your family's attitudes / issues. About him being in top sets, winning prizes , attending STEM club or music clubs after school.

Brightnorthernlights · 02/02/2016 09:44

DD at local comp, DS at local Grammar. Absolutely send him to the Gramnar.

Brightnorthernlights · 02/02/2016 09:45

Or even Grammar....

jonesthegirl · 02/02/2016 09:57

I find it hard to understand the 'not for the likes of us' views in 2016 !

Anybody can surely understand the importance of taking any educational opportunities offered today.

The 'posh' comments are just sad and jealous comments of people who are dissatisfied with their lives.

Privately any person who makes 'snide' comments about being succesful or bright , just wishes it was their child who was achieving .

tinofbiscuits · 02/02/2016 13:42

The point of grammars is that children from all backgrounds can apply and selection is on ability alone. You don't have to be wealthy or posh.

ErgonomicallyUnsound · 02/02/2016 13:59

tinofbiscuits Tue 02-Feb-16 13:42:35
The point of grammars is that children from all backgrounds can apply and selection is on ability alone. You don't have to be wealthy or posh.

Sadly that isn't the reality these days.

BertrandRussell · 02/02/2016 14:12

"The point of grammars is that children from all backgrounds can apply and selection is on ability alone. You don't have to be wealthy or posh."

That might be the point- but it's certainly not the reality.

tinofbiscuits · 02/02/2016 15:28

Sadly that isn't the reality these days.

Perhaps they should use means-testing to accept a proportion of the best-performing children from each income bracket?

I think selection on ability is a good thing and that any problems with the admissions process aren't beyond being overcome.

Quite a few grammars are updating their tests to make it fairer to those who can't afford tutoring as well.

shutupandshop · 02/02/2016 15:49

If he wants to go send him. Its an excellent opportunity. My dd loves it.

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