Year 10 parents evening - such pressure to get As and A*s, when a C is a pass

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Sorry if that sounds defeatist and lacking in ambition for DD. She's doing well, she's taking 11 GCSEs and she's on target to pass all of them at C or above, but last night the pressure was seriously on for her to achieve the As and A*s that are her predicted grades at the end of year 11.

This is more for the school isn't it? Their figures/data. DD doesn't want to go to uni, she's not sure what she wants to do really at this stage. She hates studying, we have to nag and bribe and confiscate to get her to do anything, and she's a fairly anxious teen, so I've been backing off a bit.

These As and A*s that are 'predicted' are solely from the results of her Year 6 SATS, it all seems madness to me.

Considering she is doing well, I feel that last night was depressing and disappointing from the teachers point of view, as she isn't doing as well as school believe she can.

I'm late 40s now and there was never any pressure like this when I was at school. And I'm sure there was far less anxiety, depression, self harm etc amongst teens.

Am I wrong to back off and let her find her own way.

There might be more to life in general than good GCSEs, but they are pretty much a top priority for 15/16 year olds.

They were the biggest thing in my DD's life last year and she worked accordingly, and got the results she deserved.

Interesting comments here, sorry it's taken me so long to reply.

Maybe I am doing DD a disservice by not being more 'pushy' for want of a better word. When I posted this I was a bit down about all the pressure these kids are under compared to when I was young.

DDs mental health is more important than exam grades but I appreciate there has to be a balance. in her case she has a sickness phobia which seems worse in the school environment for some reason so I do think my bar has lowered in the sense that I'm thrilled when she actually attends school, regardless of exam results.

I'm finding it hard to find the middle ground between wanting her to do her best and making her more anxious.

Draylon Sorry, but what does NT mean? Also, of course I still 'strongly encourage' my son, but what I'm saying is that for him, that does not make any difference.

Yes, it no doubt is more difficult for people to do exams alongside a job. But it can be done. My DH is a stubborn soul, and hated school with a passion. He taught himself computer programming after he became tired of the long hours involved in working for the theatre. This was around 5 years ago, so yes, it is possible to re-train at any time and get a good job if you really want to. I recently met a nurse who had done several courses with the Open University and had been accepted into Manchester for medicine. She was 38 years old and had 3 kids.

Of course I'm glad there are lots of young people out there who can follow the path of As at GCSE followed by As at A level and then a top University degree afterwards and a super well paid job immediately. Good for them. I have 5 nieces/nephews who have done this and that's fine. And of course it's a lot easier doing it that way, as my son knows, as I've told him, and no doubt his teachers have too, ad infinitum.

I'm just saying, that not everyone can do this, or even want to do this, and if this is true, it is important to get priorities straight. GinandJag - lovely for your DD and well done for her working hard, but the OPs daughter is unwilling to 'work accordingly' which is the whole point.

timeforabrewnow I would argue that 'winging it' in that way puts far, far more pressure on teens/young adults

NT = lacking Special Needs that affect brain &or behaviour &or relationships.

I'm thrilled when she actually attends school, regardless of exam results

I have one like a bit this, SandyBalls. He's improved a lot on Yr11 (hooray). We have a support group going ... pm me if you want details.

Oh - where did I say that we were 'winging it' ? Or is that another Mumsnetter putting words into my mouth? I thought I'd said this>>

Also, of course I still 'strongly encourage' my son, but what I'm saying is that for him, that does not make any difference.

Thanks for the explanation regarding NT lljkk

Dear god this thread is depressing. One of mine has some learning issues but is looking at scraping Cs and possibly a couple of Bs which is amazing for a child on level 1 in year four.

I feel like shes already written off college and uni wise based on this thread.

its only depressing if you think that university is the right thing for everyone. There are somany options out there that don't and shouldn't involve universities.

Not read thread, only oP, so in response to that, well yes, but not something we're dealing with. I would be delighted if Dc1 gets a decent clutch of C+ GCSEs, anything more is a bonus. We have a moderate LD going on, plus constant battles over doing hmk, going late to school, missing school even for fake illness, depression, angry rants, calls from school because not there/late/missed hmk again/rude to teacher etc. So, while trying to still hold down a job which requires me to leave the house before dc1 does often, I am doing my best but can no longer drive dc1 on. Up to him now and can't push water uphill!

Oh mine probably won't go to uni but i am not writing it off for them. They WILL go to college though despite some comments on here that kids getting cs cannot get into the best colleges. There are other ways in and i don't believe in writing children who don't get straight As off.
I left with one B and the rest C or lower. I was accepted to a big city university in my early 20s with 'life experience'.

I know a head teacher who left school with nothing and someone else who has gone on to a very high very well paid position. Both went back in later life.

I think there can be a certain snobbery on MN about universities. I know lots of people who went to polytechs who have very good jobs.

Powerfail The warnings to get at least a B or so is because as parents we ideally want our children to get to where they want the easiest way possible. Not everyone has the drive to go back to school and plus I believe you might have to self fund after 18?

Also depending on how old you are a C today and a C 30 years ago are very different not to mention more international competition for university places.

My children have to get 5B in Maths, English and the subjects that they want to do at Alevel if GCSE is a pre requisite if they want to stay at the 6th Form if their school.

Powerfail. The world has changed. Yes, people could leave school with a string of low exam grades 20/30/40 years ago and still climb their way up to top careers. I did that myself. But you have to appreciate that in those days, As and A*s were the exception rather than the norm and most people would get B, C or D grades. With grade inflation, nowadays, most people get Bs and above. It was also the case that the vast majority of people didn't go to university. Getting a clutch of C grades at O Level was the passport to most "office" based jobs. Now, those same jobs require a university degree.

I see a lot of posters have mentioned MH issues and learning difficulties. That's not what this thread is about. In the OP's case, the child is clearly able to get top grades. She clearly scored well in her SATS to be projected to get As. The teachers clearly see an ability to do far better than her current performance levels. If she had learning difficulties or mental health issues, then the advice would be completely different. But there's no mention of those, so it seems an absolute travesity, and something that the child may regret for the rest of their life, if they end up with grades far lower than capabilities which will restrict her career and further education choices in later life.

Yes, there are avenues to try to climb back, but they taken more years of your life and are harder work. It seems a no brainer to spend a little more time and put a little more effort in today for a few months, basically just spending a little less time on Facebook and slightly fewer sleepovers & parties, to get better grades now. It's not as if anyone is asking them to chain themselves to a desk, not allowed any TV or Facebook, not allowed to go out, etc. All it needs a short term period of doing a little bit more and putting a little more effort in to get a clutch of As and Bs rather than Cs.

I think there can be a certain snobbery on MN about universities. I know lots of people who went to polytechs who have very good jobs.

I think it's more a case of people realising that the job market is more competitive than ever and a degree is needed to get a sniff near jobs that used to be open for those with A or O levels. No-one in my immediate family has ever been to Uni, so it's certainly not a case of snobbery etc for my family, but I'm realistic enough to know that decent jobs are going to be very hard to find without a degree, they're even hard with a degree these days, and it's harder than ever to even get a university place.

Polytechnics don't exist anymore - most have been converted into universities, so that's not an avenue open for today's children, and you're again going back in time. The further education and jobs market today is completely different to a few decades ago.

One of my neighbour's sons got several GCSEs, mostly Cs but with the odd B and D, couldn't get into a sixth form college to do A levels, wasn't able to get on the college courses he wanted to do, and has been constantly rejected for other training courses, all despite his GCSEs meeting the "minimum criteria" required as per the school/college/job specifications. Basically, in every case, others had better qualifications so he was way down the list. In desperation, he has now ended up in a dead end job of driving a skip wagon on minimum wage! His parents didn't push him to get better grades because they fell into the trap of thinking C grades at GCSE mean the same as they did when they took them, 30 years ago - sadly they don't.

These days, kids need to aim high and get the best they, not just aim for some artificial "target" and sit back when they get there.

Most 6th foprms want Bs in the subjects to be chosen for A level. To aim for 4 Bs in those subjects but Cs in everything else leaves no margin for error or dropping a grade..better to try as hard as you can I think.

I'd be asking myself why she has changed so much. Why the disinterest?

I try to pass on to DS that whatever he thinks he may want to do when finishing school, the better grades he gets, the more options he has.
He may not want Uni, but if he does, then he won't be able to choose the course/Uni he wants if he doesn't have the necessary grades. Or will waste a lot of time making up for them.

It is easy to equate good grades with self esteem and she may have felt the impact of lowering her grades by imagining that she is simply not capable, instead of adapting the way she works or studies.

But I'd certainly not confiscate anything, bribe or punish her for not studying. She needs to be given responsibility and support instead. And feel that whatever she is doing is for her, not you or the teachers.

I'd also think 11 GCSEs are too many.

I'd go for 6 subjects tops, which tallies up with this:
www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/10478876/Children-sitting-too-many-GCSEs-exam-board-boss-says.html

Andrew Hall, chief executive of the AQA board, (in 2013)
"“My personal opinion is that it’s not. Look at the current Government’s accountability measure – the best eight, with double weighting for maths and English."

6 subjects is a total non-starter. No good universitywould be intereted in someone studying 6 when everyone else is doing 9 or 10. There is no need for 11 or above. I don't see why children cannot have the free period or do more sport, or something else that interests them. Best 8 again is not enoughfor top universities because the breadth of subjects is a bit lacking. Again 9 or 10 is better. Best 8 is a government measure of how a school is doing, not a measure to compete for the best university places.

The old polytechnics are now universities and some are very good. Others are so, so. It depends on the course. Generally the grades needed to get into their courses are lower and they do not do some courses at all. They do, however, do some excellent vocational courses and the old polytechnics were set up to deliver this type of course - so little change really! Academic courses such as PPE, Vet Science, Classics are to be found at the older universities. It was ever thus!

Anyone with C's at GCSE would be struggling to access most university courses. In my day, O levels were 1-6 - top pass was 1, just-about-pass was a 6. Therefore when GCSEs came in, with an A-C pass, clearly they did not replicate the old O level grades. However, differing boards had differing grades. I think just try and get the young people to do the best they can in the normal timing. I did my higher education much later but had to get my employer to sponsor me, and I worked at the same time. I had to do my work in 4 days rather than 5 as I had no reduced work commitment. That is harder than going to university at 18, believe me!

there's a MNer who had a DD at Oxford who only had 5 GCSEs to her name...

O level grades switched to A-E long before GCSEs began in 1988.

Many top 20 universities actually couldn't care less about the number of GCSEs provided the grades are reasonable and the predicted grades at A level are in the right ball park. Very few university courses as a fraction of the overall number would be looking more than 8 GCSEs.

It's not unusual for home educated students to have only 5 or 6 GCSEs, taken over a long period. Not an issue, if their A levels are right and they do well in other assessment tests, interviews etc.

The thing I have found with mine is that each level 11+,GCSE, A level , class of degree are purely to get you onto the next level of study after which they are superseded and rendered almost meaningless.The one exception is medicine which requires a good level of ability over a wide range of subjects, and an Oxford subject which does not have an admiussions test.

We're having a similar struggle OP - ds(16) has high predicted grades across the board but at the rate he's going will be lucky to get anywhere near what he's capable of.

We've tried to persuade him that working a bit harder now will simply make his life easier later but he's completely disengaged with school at the moment and is obviously very unhappy. He has high functioning ASD and dyspraxia and is really struggling with puberty hormones
It's tricky because I worry above the effect putting pressure on him will have on his mental health- and I worry about his future if we leave him alone