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Original poster

School residential trip dilemma

109 replies

redbeard · 04/07/2015 16:53

Hi, my DD 12 (asd ) was due to go on a 5 day trip on Mon, however , she has been on and off for a few weeks as to whether or not she wanted to go.

I asked her to give me a final answer on Friday , so I could inform school if she wasn't going to go , as they leave early and would be expecting her.

She was adamant she didn't want to go, and so I phoned school to tell them she would not be going.

However now she is upset and want's to go, I have said that it's too late , she made her decision etc, but my question is , will they have cancelled her place ?

I cannot contact anyone, and they leave early , any suggestions anyone?

OP posts:
CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 22:07

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Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:08

I haven't hounded anybody, I sent one email.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:09

Hounding?

One email, asking whether the place is still open?

Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:12

I have never said once that I felt she could not have coped with the trip.Myself and her teachers felt she would be fine with support.

I did however give her the choice on Fri , as to whether to go or not.

She chose not to, but is regretting that now.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 04/07/2015 22:12

neither my sister nor I would dream of hounding our children's teachers over the weekend.

Teachers don't have to respond to or even check work emails over the weekends but many do and I quite often receive emails from my DDs' teacher during evenings, weekends and school holidays. Sometimes I have whole email conversations at those times. Sending an email isn't hounding by any stretch of the imagination.

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:15

Ah that was your mistake. Giving a choice. (Do it myself - frequently. Son's anxiety then shoots up. Not said judgmentally! I have done it so many times recently - it's much more of an issue now his anxiety is high, he could cope with me saying that sort of stuff when it wasn't as high)

youarekiddingme · 04/07/2015 22:16

Cheryl I hope my autistic DS never ends up in your class at school Hmm

I had this when DS had residential. Meetings, DS unsure, back up plans etc. School were determined to take him and keep him though!
He wasn't sure right up until getting to school.

I think emailing and then seeing if you get a response is fine. Iys showing your dd it's ok to change your mind but you may not then get what you want.

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:16

Yep snap Goldmandra.

I have to email ds1's teacher this weekend, with information that will be useful for her to know on Monday morning. I suspect she'll reply tomorrow evening (although I have no expectation of her doing so, but she often does).

Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:16

I know that's why I feel guilty.

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 04/07/2015 22:21

Agree sending one email isn't 'hounding'. As a matter of fact I regretted using that word about three seconds after I'd hit 'post'... Nevertheless, I think what I'm trying to say is that all the teachers I know and am related to work like stink all week long and thoroughly deserve the right to do fuck all or bugger off to somewhere with no internet access if they like for the weekend!

Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:25

I completely agree , I apologized in my email for bothering them on a weekend .
It's just that I know they would want to help if they knew what was going on.

I understand completely if they do not answer , however I am pretty sure they will not see them in time anyway.

My daughter understands she has made a decision that has now caused her to not be able to go, I just don,t think she really understood that it would be a final decision.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:27

Don't feel guilty - we all do it. I completely spannered ds1's day yesterday by saying the wrong thing. (I should have said "X tomorrow", and instead said "Y tomorrow" - the quick correction was not enough and we paid the price). His anxiety must have been very high though to not be able to cope with me saying one wrong word. It's just life with ASD.

Anyone can choose not to pick up any emails at the weekend if they don't want to. Presumably it was sent to a work account so isn't going to be accidentally opened.

Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:34

Thankyou, she's now saying that by making her make the decision on Fri morning put her under pressure .
I agree with her , it's one of the things she cannot cope, I feel stupid now to have done it.

I did however not want to put anyone out Mon morning by not being able to let them know that she wasn't coming.

Can't win, Smile

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:45

No you often can't!

The key is having understanding people around you. When everything went pear shaped on Friday the person organising it was so nice (and obviously experienced with the issues) that I know it'll be possible to try again one day. That helps!

Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:54

Yes you are right , it's a shame when things don't go to plan.

Thanks to all who have understood .

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:58

Good luck! I hope if she does go she enjoys herself, and if she doesn't she isn't too upset.

bigTillyMint · 04/07/2015 23:03

As a teacher who had taken many Y5 children away on School Journey, including those with additional needs /SEN, I really don't think there will be an issue if you turn up at 5am as long as she is definite that she really wants to go and knows that once she's on the coach she's on her way for the whole trip.

If you tell her that you can go along on Monday morning at 5am and hope that it's ok with the teachers, but that she has to be prepared for the slight possibility that she might not be able to go and if she can cope with that, then go for it.

LIZS · 05/07/2015 08:38

Surely whenever you'd set a deadline for making her decision would have felt pressurised. Don't feel guilty for having done so. You needed to give some notice if she were not going, not last minute. I don't think turning up is an option. If she now can't go or has a last minute wobble it will place more pressure on her and she'll be overtired as well.

hesterton · 05/07/2015 08:55

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hesterton · 05/07/2015 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
redbeard · 05/07/2015 09:11

There were no extra staff going just for her no, the ta going would have been keeping an eye out for her.

All staff know her well and knew what problems might arise , the teachers who will be supporting her all agreed that she should come on this trip and have assured me they will be able to cope with any problems that may arise.

I shouldn't have cancelled her place on Friday , and just took her on Monday, however my daughter is either adamant she isn't going , or pleading to go , there is no inbetween which makes it really hard to decide what to do.

OP posts:
Clavinova · 05/07/2015 10:14

I haven't read the whole thread but have you been provided with an emergency contact mobile number for the trip? Perhaps you could try ringing it.

LynetteScavo · 05/07/2015 11:23

I do think this is a learning experience for you though, and in future you should just decide for her. It sounds like she just isn't capable yet of making big decisions. For future trips I think you should just say she's going, then stick with it. If on the morning of the trip she really doesn't want to go, then would be the time to cancel. Smile

My ASD ds is totally the opposite when making decitions. Once he's made up his mind...which can take quite some time...there is no changing it for anything, which can bring it's own problems. Grin

I suspect you'll get an email this evening. Good luck! x

Original poster
redbeard · 05/07/2015 15:16

Hi, update ; the teacher emailed me this morning and said it is fine for her to come.

I feel incredibly bad now for interrupting his weekend , I hope he didn't mind too much.

Dd is now very happy and looking forwards to the trip , any more changes of mind will be met with a firm ,you are going, .

Thanks to all who helped out yesterday, I think I will probably say no to any further trips now ,it's all too stressful Grin

OP posts:
goinggetstough · 05/07/2015 15:40

Great news. I hope she has a lovely time.

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