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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

School residential trip dilemma

109 replies

redbeard · 04/07/2015 16:53

Hi, my DD 12 (asd ) was due to go on a 5 day trip on Mon, however , she has been on and off for a few weeks as to whether or not she wanted to go.

I asked her to give me a final answer on Friday , so I could inform school if she wasn't going to go , as they leave early and would be expecting her.

She was adamant she didn't want to go, and so I phoned school to tell them she would not be going.

However now she is upset and want's to go, I have said that it's too late , she made her decision etc, but my question is , will they have cancelled her place ?

I cannot contact anyone, and they leave early , any suggestions anyone?

OP posts:

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 21:48

The OP hasn't given any indication at all that she'll see the teachers as 'the bad ones' if they say no.

CrispyFern · 04/07/2015 21:50

Wow Cheryl, you sound really unapproachable.

Whatever happens OP, sell it to your DD as the best outcome!

SofiaAmes · 04/07/2015 21:51

Wow Cheryl....having a bad day? Your aggressive stance may be endear you to some parents and children, but mostly it does make me wonder if you will just explode in the classroom one day soon and perhaps you should look into some anger management counseling before that happens. Your explosive, angry reaction to the OP's inquiry about how to be the best parent she can to her sen dd, is completely out of proportion to the situation.

Original poster

redbeard · 04/07/2015 21:51

Nothing has had to be reorganized , that I am pretty sure of , just my daughter's name being taken off a list . The teacher organizing the trip was off site Fri afternoon, hence me not being able to let him know what was going on.

I do not mind at all being told it's too late , that will be completely understandable .

OP posts:

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 04/07/2015 21:52

So, cheryl, if you had a child with ASD who you knew had been stressing over coming on the trip to the extent they had cancelled at the last minute, and you saw an email from their parent the day before you were due to go, you'd ignore it?

Bloody hell.

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 21:54

And what is wrong with leaving the decision to them?

Her daughter was overwhelmed with anxiety. it happens with ASD, frequently. She has no calmed and wants to try again. Anyone with understanding of a 12 year old with ASD (or anxiety for that matter), would be willing to be as flexible as possible.

Seriouslyffs · 04/07/2015 21:54

Oh buzz off cheryl how on earth is what you're saying helpful- not even in a 'for future reference' way.

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 04/07/2015 21:55

Ever considered a career change, cheryl?

clam · 04/07/2015 21:57

"Horrendously guilty" about what?

Don't try and paint yourself as the caring teacher now. That ship has sailed.

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 21:59

OP sounds to me as if she doesn't know which option is best (again very common with ASD).

If I happened to be the teacher, and it was just a case of numbers and names on/off a litst I'd give some sort of contact text number and tell the mum to text in the morning at Xam to say whether or not she was going.

titchy · 04/07/2015 21:59

I'm not sure how much reorganising will have gone on tbh. Same coach, same hotel, same teachers. What is there to reorganise?

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:00

I thought you had a magic no-nonsense method of getting them off on holiday?

Or are all residential trips off for OP's dd forever?

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:01

Blimey. Do you REALLY work with kids with ASD?

(again thanks lucky stars for wonderful special school).

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goldmandra · 04/07/2015 22:04

I do actually, and we get on very well, they've come on leaps and bounds.

I don't believe that for a moment. However I can quite believe that is your perception. I would imagine they all breathe a huge sigh of relief when they move on from your class.

OP, as a parent of two girls with ASD who has been through this, I would suggest that you write this trip off right now. If you get an email back saying it's OK for her to join them, her anxiety will probably shoot through the roof again and she'll decide she can't go after all. Follow up your previous mails with an apology and say that you've realised that her anxiety is too high for the trip to go ahead after all.

I think sometimes it's kinder to take the decision out of their hands and make it clear that, no matter how much of a wobbly they throw, it isn't going to change. It's easier to stop stressing about things like this once you know it isn't in your power to change it.

She'll probably be cross but also be very relieved and you won't go through hell tomorrow with her not knowing and worrying about what to do.

Original poster

redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:04

Actually , I believe she would be supported fantastically during the trip and would be fine .
It's the anxiety about going that stops her ,I gave her the choice to not go , she has now realized she made the wrong choice and cannot now go.

I would never have agreed to the trip if I didn't believe she could not cope with it.

I feel bad because i should have realized it was just a few nerves about going and cancelled the trip.

We will both know better next time , these things are a learning curve , and not allway's straight forward when you have asd.

Unfortunately she is now very upset that she can't go.

OP posts:

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:04

I meant the snidey meltdown comment

AlpacaLypse · 04/07/2015 22:05

Actually I'm with Cheryl here... I have an mildly ASD daughter and a very severely affected ASD nephew, but neither my sister nor I would dream of hounding our children's teachers over the weekend.

OP, you've made a call, stick with it.

CoogerAndDark · 04/07/2015 22:06

I think OP's final deadline should be the one to go from tbh, unless there has been a clear indication of flexibility from the staff wrt to last minute decisions.

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