Do you think private schools give your children a advantage in life ?

[mistybear]

I am thinking of going back to work full time so I can send my dd to a private secondary school. My husband and I keep going around in circles of whether or not there is any advantage to a private education. We are not rich hence having to work full time to afford it and this is one of the questions, will having parents that are not that well off be a massive problem being at private school, we are not in London and the area we live in is not massively affluent. One of the reasons I keep thinking about it is that the people I have as friends and some of my family that have been privately educated are doing well and more importantly doing a job they wanted to do. My dd is hardworking and has already achieved her leaving school targets even though she is in year five, the state secondary schools around us are not the best but a couple are not too bad educational wise but all of them do not have clubs and sports that the private school has. She loves her violin, science and space also her ponies and she loves her warhammer !! she is also a only child x

Gently can you point me in the direction to one state school with the same results; exam and university entrance as a Westminster?
Awaits with interest.

Taz1212

No need to apologize, or even to clarify

I didn't assume that you alma mater was comparable to mine, or was even in the same country,

everyone's circumstances, location and outlook is different.

can you point me in the direction to one state school with the same results; exam and university entrance as Westminster? happygardening

or St Pauls, even....

{waits}

Just to assist you gently here are Westminster's exams results and university destinations.

And here are SPS's.

Here are Eton's

Word - my point is that merely attending the same school and being friends with the DCs of the people in the positions of power does not automatically put them in the network of back door favours and leg ups that the privileged DCs will benefit from. They are not family. Never saw any evidence of it being passed down to classmates at DCs private schools.

Just saying if people think paying school fees buys a passport to the corridors of power they might be better finding something else to spend the £20,000 plus a year on. Exclusive golf club membership perhaps?

Here are Win Coll's.

But the whole point of a network is that it extends way beyond ones own family.

I've had favours find for me by other parents and I've done favours for others.

I haven't said no to the DC who are from less wealthy backgrounds. Why would I?

DS went to a school generally in the top 20-30 academic schools in England and the top in our region. Can't say that the old boy network has done anything for him so far, though he did take over one job (on other side of world) from another ex-pupil (who would have had no part in picking him for the job).
I suppose Oxbridge admissions tutors and some employers might have a favourable view of the school. He's just been offered a job by an international institution which probably has never have heard of his school.
He enjoyed being with a load of people who were as clever or even more clever than him rather than being always thought of as a "boffin". And he enjoyed the fact that the teaching moved at a speed that suited him.

"But school is somewhere kids spend 7/8 hours a day. The building, the teachers, the other pupils, the atmosphere, the ethos are part and parcel of their childhood.

So obviously I want all those things to be as positive as possible."

What do you mean by 'positive'? What are you assuming about the 'ethos' of state schools?

My dd's state comp school is a hive of activity. There are so many things going on.

The school's list of extra curricula clubs:

Latin club
Debate club
Strings club
Flute group
STEM club
Clarinet and saxophone group
Swing club
Java programming
DofE
Improv comedy club
Madrigal club
Tag rugby
Yoga
Film
Book club

etc etc (can't be bothered to write them all down)

This is in a mid-level comp (60% A to C) with a 'good' but not 'outstanding' ofsted. A school with high numbers of children on FSM and children with EAL.

The teachers are great - totally positive, enthusiastic, ambitious for the girls.

This school is rejected by lots of local parents in favour of a private girls school half a mile down the road.

I just don't get it. What makes this sort of provision not good enough? Average GCSE grades for high achievers at this school aren't quite as good as for the local private school (A- rather than straight A) but then they don't get the sort of intake that the private school gets. I just don't understand how someone can look at a school where there are good numbers of children achieving at the very highest level, where there's loads of extra curricula stuff on offer, and where kids seem really happy, and think it's shit and second rate. I can only assume it's a status thing - that they don't want their children to mix with the sort of children who private schools emphatically exclude.

I grew up in America and I went to a private school and then eventually an Ivy League Uni.
For me, I was there to learn and I loved learning and being at school, I would have been exactly the same at a public school if I hadn't gotten my scholorships.
It's opened doors for me professionally for sure and I made some great friends who are still my friends, but other than that I don't think it has given me an advantage.

I think any kids that want to learn and benefit from school, will do. It doesnt matter if they are at state/private.

happygardening try Pate's Cheltenham here

mini I'm sure the school you describe is very good.

But, frankly, I'm looking for something different for my DC. I can afford it so why not?

Your view seems to be that because you rate it, then so must I. But why would that be so?

I doubt we have much in common on terms of our backgrounds, interests, views on life , parenting.

Seems unlikely we'd seek the sane things in schools for our DC.

MrsC I've found it to be quite different over here. You don't necessarily get the breadth of education that is pretty much guaranteed in the US schools because of their curriculum. For example, we are in Scotland and our local catchment school only offers 3 different Advance Highers (it has pretty much positioned itself as a vocational school). The private school DS attends offers 26. Yes, children who want to learn and benefit will do so, but it can be hindered depending on what their school offers.

Advanced, not advance!

If you were to ask my DDs they would probably say it's not so much that it is fee paying and more that it is single sex. I do regret this. The DDs' independent is a really great school in loads of different ways but I (not a very outgoing child by any stretch) has my first "boyfriend" at 14, whereas my DDs, at 16 and 18 - far more outgoing, far more "with it" and bothered about their appearance, have never had a relationship with a boy and have relatively few male friends. In this, they are absolutely typical of their school peer group.

I love that you don't seek the sane things in schools, TheWordFactory.

FWIW I do think independent schools seem to instil confidence and this is very important in adult life. If you think you can do something you probably can. There seemed t be stronger discipline but less rules and regulations in my sons' prep school - they could climb trees and run around lots and were encouraged to excel in academic studies in small groups where they were listened to as well as taught. I think I was right to use the private sector for up to 11 as they now have a lot of confidence and that easy manner independent schools seem to give but don't stand out as thetypical PS types.

I think the most important thing private school gives is self confidence and the ability to be good at public speaking. Theses are the most important things at interviews ( for uni or jobs) ime. I think if you can afford it comfortably, then for most children private school will give them an advantage.

Mini- I don't know if I have posters mixed up but are you not the poster with a dd who is completely off the rails and terrorising your family and not even going to school a lot of the time? ( I may have it wrong but a lot of the details are the same- girls comp, london etc). Maybe a boarding school from age 8 would have been better for her?!

Disco - state schools also often have debating clubs. They're not exclusively a private school thing.

Word - must be doing something wrong then because have never been offered these secret club legups that are supposed to be on offer.

Must tell DS to up the quality of his friendship group

State Schools do have debating clubs but they generally have about 10 children in them? So you would have to be interested in debating and seek them out? Something most people not too confident would do? And I don't think that is what gives the advantage- it is how they are spoken to in class and how their classmates react to class discussions everyday that is the real difference in private schools. You get " debates" in class everyday of the sort that just don't happen in most state schools and that is how shy children get more confident.

Disco - my dd is a royal pain in the arse.

It's not her school's fault though!

I went to boarding school as a teen. It took me a decade to recover from the emotional neglect I experienced there. Troubled teens need to be parented, not handed over to strangers.

Actually, I can't praise her school enough for the help and support they've given her. She's back in the classroom now, engaging in her lessons, been moved into top set for English and on track for scraping through her exams, or at least some of them. God bless state schools as no private school would be arsed to help her.

I find it amazing and awe inspiring that her school can meet the needs of children like dd while still turning out students with 10A*s.

SomewhereIBelong

Very good school indeed, but a bit of tricky place to get your kids into if you don't live in Chelters - and probably even if you do.

Lots of private schools will take any child from any part of the country if the child meet their standard and the school's unofficial motto is 'Quis paget, entrat'.

Only on Mumsnet could £150k class you as an average earner