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Original poster

SW/W London Independent Schools thread part two

629 replies

Chillaxalready · 09/02/2015 20:09

There. I've done it and started one.
1001 messages and counting!

OP posts:
misspantomime · 16/02/2015 15:14

private schools genuinely make me froth at the mouth with rage. If all the money that was poured into them went into the state school system, then every single child in this country would have an equal education regardless of their wealth or background.

I would not send my DC to a private school even if I was a billionaire. I went to a crappy East London state, as did all of my siblings, and we all did very well academically. My best friend went to city of london school for girls and was so badly bullied and pressured there that she ended up with a stomach ulcer and ended up dropping out and repeating her A levels at a state comp. Now she is a doctor, with full credit to the state comp and none whatsoever to City of London.

People forget as well that school is about way more than just doing well academically. I was a painfully shy and passive child and going to a fairly rough state school really taught me a lot about learning to be assertive and stand up for myself. That was very important for me.

Waitingandhoping2015 · 16/02/2015 16:00

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amidaiwish · 16/02/2015 16:18

One thing the schools could do is send a card to fill in to turn down offers. I have written to turn down the one I didn't want but I don't believe I had to. After the March deadline it would have lapsed. Why don't they include a letter for you to tick and sign to decline an offer? Would make it quicker and easier.

Bonsoir · 16/02/2015 16:35

Presumably if a school gives a child an offer, that school wants that child? So why would they hand out a "thanks but no thanks" card?

I actually had quite a hard time declining one offer (the first) that DD was made. It ended in rather a frosty exchange of emails!

Eastpoint · 16/02/2015 16:39

LEH used to do that amidai - there were 3 options, firm yes, firm no or possibly yes. Another thing to consider is that if your child was offered a place at their first choice you could ring the other schools even before the results came out to say you didn't want the place.

Chocfinger · 16/02/2015 17:17

East point that's a great idea. Imagine all the disappointment which would be avoided. If you think that two very bright girls were accepted at say, five, schools they applied to, that's ten offers between them and only 2 will be taken up with eight children out there waiting and hoping.....although I appreciate they over offer.
Brought DD to KGS sports grounds Saturday. She was seriously impressed(-:

wheresthebeach · 16/02/2015 17:22

Thanks Ealing. I've looked at terms and it seems as long as I give 'a terms' notice after accepting its the deposit only, rather than a full terms fees. Not great; but doable. Mind you I don't like messing around...but that's got to be a secondary consideration to DD's school preference.

All so stressful. I so hoped it would be over by now!

Chocfinger · 16/02/2015 17:39

Twickers, I am assuming the prep heads do this where it is your child's first choice- surely part of the package...But just not sure what difference it makes??
I have emailed our top school a number of times now and phoned twice to ask where dd is on wait list and how very much she wants to come. Debating whether to press send on a 'did you know this about my child?' email as pretty sure her school reference won't have included what she does out of school hours such as music grades, sport, sport and more sport.

Mulberry10 · 16/02/2015 18:43

Twickers, wheresthebeach and Chocfinger, and anyone else who's on a waiting list - please don't despair. We were in this position two years ago. DD on a waiting list for her top school and the second choice asking for a term's fees as well as a deposit. DD was offered a place at the number 1 school within a week, and I think what helped was letting them know how much we felt that particular school was right for our particular child. I wrote to the registrar straight away saying why it was our top (and, if I'm honest, only real) choice, and then called a few days later and had quite a long chat with her, and it was clear that schools want families who really want to be there. We got an offer later that day. It was a horribly anxious week though.

I know three other families who had similar experiences. Obviously no one wants to be pushy and annoying, but it is definitely worth making it clear how much you value what they have to offer, and what a great fit you feel it would be.

PinkTrumpet · 17/02/2015 00:41

I've got experienced of having a child on the waiting list at one of these schools and can say that the prep school head did not make any calls on our behalf. Instead, Dh and I did and we were successful. Good luck, be prepared to lose your deposit at the school you accept an offer from first, and stock up on wine!

Twickersm0m · 17/02/2015 08:04

Morning all,

Thank you for those encouraging words, I have started drafting an email already :)

I have one question that is niggling at the back of my mind, KGS interviewed about 350 children of which they made offers to 180 – 200 children. Are the remaining 150+ children all placed on the waiting list? I have not heard of any child being told it’s a ‘No’ after an interview. On the day of the interview, we did speak to the Head and he did say that there would be some children they would have to decline even after an interview but not sure if this is the case as I don't believe I have come across this scenario from the mumsnet threads I’ve read.
Just trying to figure out how long the waiting list could be...

TheCrimsonQueen · 17/02/2015 08:32

I'm the old Dolphin from earlier up thread. Hope the girls who sat got in and congrats to those with places.

Beingfrank · 17/02/2015 08:48

Twickers - I know of children who had a no after a KGS interview in previous years, so it certainly used to be the case.

Good luck!

Original poster
Chillaxalready · 17/02/2015 08:53

Twickers if you call the registrar (not Kerry but Charlotte who has this information, apparently) she may be able to give you an idea of where your DD is on the waiting list.

No doubt there will be many on the waiting list for whom losing a deposit is actually quite a big deal (and for whom the ongoing fees will be a struggle) so no doubt the wait list (should they get to that point) will be rather depleted. I notice there was a section of the wait list letter which you could return to indicate whether you would definitely take a place if offered and I'm sure the schoo rearrange the wait list according to parent responses.

DH and I have decided to take our DD off the wait list for KGS and accept her WHS place with great excitement Smile - she won't go into that school feeling like a second class citizen/space-filler for having come off the wait list and even though WHS was our first choice, and not hers, I am sure she will thrive there (or we wouldn't have bothered applying!). Although the response of the KGS Head to the mixup over DD's gender has been swift and professional, the whole situation has really created a complete lack of confidence in the assessment procedure and generally left a hugely unfavourable impression of the school for us!

OP posts:
Pop1ns · 17/02/2015 09:41

Twickers-we were told by HM that KGS want maximum of 112ish in year 7.There are about 20 from 10+ so that leaves 92 places.The have a 55/45% split,I do not have a calculator to hand but make it roughly 48 boys and 44 girls.In the real world most schools seem to want to cover 2.5x places so according to your figures the true picture is 230offers or 200 offers and 30 waiting...I think,do not take this as gospel.

Twickersm0m · 17/02/2015 09:48

I completely understand Chillaxalready and believe I would have felt the same way in your situation and to some degree do feel resentful to be put on the waiting list. The interview at KGS did not go too well for my DC but that was because the old gentleman interviewing him did not engage well as he could have done. Lord only knows what criteria are used to determine who gets an offer, waiting list or is declined. My reasoning for pursuing with KGS is that the other offers we have are for good schools but not as good as KGS. Coming from the state sector this school just fits.

KingscoteStaff · 17/02/2015 10:35

Chillax congratulations on accepting WHS - a fantastic school and we would have bitten their hand off if we'd been offered a scholarship there.

It seems that every other person I've talked to this week had a great story about the school and (in particular) the new head!

mertonmama · 17/02/2015 10:58

Kingscote - I don't think there were many WHS scholarships this year. The only one I've heard of was for 5% and I don't think the family will take it.

NWgirls · 17/02/2015 11:17

Chillax - glad you are happy with your choice. But I really hope that your emotional reaction (feeling like a second class citizen, apparent bitterness and taking personal offence) is one that other readers with a preference for schools for which they are waitlisted will copy. This is the way the process is, just now the schools are waiting for a wave of rejected offers from kids, and spaces will hopefully open up for DC (high) on the waiting list by early March. Once they start school nobody knows or cares if your DC came in off the WL or got a straight offer - they really are all 1st class then. People really should not let the ups and downs of this imperfect process affect their true preferences for this important decision.

NWgirls · 17/02/2015 11:23

... is NOT one ...

Waitingandhoping2015 · 17/02/2015 11:27

NWgirls - you are correct.

However I would add that the school we are about to say no to their offer had been not great in their communication including sending out details of the sports scholarship day just a few days before the offer day - which you could quite easily assume meant you probably had an offer coming in a few days time, which was not necessarily true! My older DS goes to the school and the communication over the last 5 years has always continued an amateurish pattern at times, with very late notice of match timings etc.

So, whilst I wouldnt let something like this put me off the school entirely, poor communication now could actually be a foretaste of poor communication to come.

Waitingandhoping2015 · 17/02/2015 11:33

misspantomime wrote: private schools genuinely make me froth at the mouth with rage. If all the money that was poured into them went into the state school system, then every single child in this country would have an equal education regardless of their wealth or background.

Really? You might like to do some sums and work out that this is nowhere near correct.

I would not send my DC to a private school even if I was a billionaire.

Mmmm I think you would and would put money on that, but then we're never going to find out...

My best friend went to city of london school for girls and was so badly bullied and pressured there that she ended up with a stomach ulcer and ended up dropping out and repeating her A levels at a state comp.

So one unfortunate example extrapolates to the entire universe of private schools!!??

ladygrinningsoul · 17/02/2015 11:48

I wonder whether privately owned housing makes her froth at the mouth with rage as well? If all the money that was poured into buying houses went into social housing instead...well, I don't need to go on, do I? Hard to see how someone could hold one opinion without also holding the other....

looks nervously around for the topic police

SonorousBip · 17/02/2015 12:16

I deffo agree that once term gets under way, no one has any idea who was on the wait list. If I asked DS who is in Y9 if he knew, I guarantee you he would look completely blank, because once you are there the whole focus is on moving forward. Also, to make you feel better, DS waltzed into a school quite easily and is now in the bottom maths set, while one of his mates, who had a specialist maths interview as he was apparently v borderline, is in a higher set. I think my DS had a good day on the day of the exam and his mate had a bad day - but it doesn't set you in stone for the next 5 years, and once you start its all a level playing field.

I know its horrible, because I've been there and it was really stressful, but if you like the school, hang in there.

I also know its tempting to be a bit Hmm about a school that didn't offer your child a place, but in the long run my own experience was that its probably better to suck it up. If anyone wants an example of spectacular mis-administration, we were on a waitlist for a-g-e-s, had quite a lot of conversations with the school, they said we'll let you know if anything comes up, you are definitely our first port of call etc. They then sent us some new Y7 joiners info by email. We got all excited and phoned up and said, oh - does that mean a place has come up and they said - whoops, no, sorry - sent in error - that was just for people who , you know, have a place - you don't. Ouch!

Chocfinger · 17/02/2015 19:37

Ouch is right! That's terrible!

All members of my family are now fed up with discussing the topic- whilst I research good schools guide etc! Thank goodness for you all on mumsnet. Flowers

I am in two minds about pushing the Putney waitlist. I am anxious that If I express enthusiasm but then don't take up the place (should we get an offer) and go for KGS that my DD2 's application- this coming year- might be be looked at unfavourably. Unfortunately we do not have a common surname!! Equally my DD preferred Putney but really remains pretty indifferent to all but LEH (waitlist again)??