Starting Y13 (y12 support thread contd)

[AtiaoftheJulii]

Well, I filled up the other one, so here's a nice new one to get us through dropping subjects, Uni open days, personal statement writing, and UCAS applications

Plenty of and and (nicely-intentioned) s available!

DD hasn't looked anywhere close to home, 2 hours away is the nearest
She does love us really though

Ds has chosen one near home, three others are about an hour or so away and then there is York which is pretty far away!!

Actually dd is anxious about leaving home but that is probably why she needs to do it (IYSWIM). We chose on reputation for the subject she is going to do and then knocked any London ones out as they are too close to home and she could have ended up staying at home and commuting.

My dd1 chose her 'insurance' to be fairly close to home (half an hour away) - partly because she liked it & partly in case she didn't get into halls (breathing space while she looked for accommodation). As it happened she ended up at this university, did get a place in halls and hasn't been home! Very happy too.

Have heard some horror stories about accommodation for Insurance choices, so might be worth considering.

Two are nearish, though neither she nor us would really want her to live at home. (One, she couldn't. The other she said that after the first year if she couldn't find good digs, that she could come home and commute! I suppose in theory she could.) The others are 80, 200 and 400 miles away.

Ok, not many looking to live at home! I had been led to believe that that was not the trend!!

My DD is only in y12, but looking at US unis. I am hoping to persuade her that Leeds has all she wants on offer. For the avoidance of doubt, OH and I live in Surrey, but we visit Leeds every fortnight. DD is seeing New York in a whole different light!!

I have one friend who says her children have to be within a 2 hours commute. Probably makes sense, but I wouldn't be so restrictive.

That said, I do think you have to find a way of restricting unis, or you would be on a never ending open day trip!

DS has chosen his universities on reputation and the course content. If he got into Cambridge that would be the nearest and is only 30 miles away but he also has Exeter and Durham as other choices which are miles away!

Leeds2 DD1 did a year in the US which was a fabulous experience but I don't think she would have wanted to do the whole three years out there.

Congrats on your DD's offer MrsBartlet

Leeds2, my DS will have attended 11 open days when he's done them all
Most of them are at least 2+ hrs away, some have involved overnight stays.
He's gone on reputation for his subject.

Feeling rather envious of those who already have offers. DD finished her PS last week but is waiting until internal school exams in November before she sends her UCAS application, in the hope of improving her predicted grade in Biology (the Biology teacher has said he is willing to reconsider it if she performs well in November). Meanwhile we have only attended one open day - she wouldn't look at any before AS results as there was 'no point' [where's the eye-roll smiley?]. We have at least four lined up between now and 1st Nov. Strathclyde this weekend - that's 400 miles! Anyone looking further afield than that?

Oh dear mumslife - your poor dd. I have to say none of us are back to normal yet and dd has just been given antibiotics as well (although only 1 a day not 8!) Wishing your dd a speedy recovery!

Well done on your DDs offer Mrs Bartlett

Hope your DD gets better soon Mumslife

Doubt DD will get her UCAS in until early November as also small possibility of improving predictions. May do one last visit in half term week.
Already have date for first CUKAS audition, and it's sooner than expected.

DD also not be over enthusiastic about leaving home. still wants one London commutable left on list, but it's the least suitable of them all and she has been advised to drop it. Drew the line at a 2hr train journey from central London.

Well done Mrs Bartlett's dd on offer from York :D ds1 has applied there also (Biochem), but hasn't received an acknowledgement from them yet.

Somebody please talk to me Rubbish Parents' Evening tonight. Absolutely every teacher (all severn of them) said tbe same: DS well capable but not putting in enough effort.
His predictions are ABB, which are ok but it's so hard when I know he could do more and all his choices want AAA.

I want to rant and yell Why why why does he not understand that unless he works he won't get the grades or uni he wants.
He's not contrite either, just breathtakingly arrogant, yet it will be us stressing next summer, not him.

Oh jeez, I'm sorry, that sounds like a horrible string of conversations Does he understand that if he has ABB predictions that he's unlikely to get offers from places wanting AAA? Are there any ABB unis on his list?

As for next summer - for your own sakes you have to step back a bit and just let whatever happens happen. Easier said than done, I know, but you can't make him work. Have a hug, hope you get some sleep tonight.

Thanks Atia, you are right, we can't make him work.

Roisin dd didn't get a confirmation from York that they had received her form just an offer, so fingers-crossed for your son.

Atia that does sound difficult. Does he have any universities that he is interested in with ABB offers? Perhaps if he has to start looking at universities that he wasn't considering it may give him the push he needs. I can imagine how frustrated you must be.

Horsemad - it's so frustrating to watch someone not fulfilling their potential, especially as a parent.

I think there are some things you can do to help:

One of the biggest motivations at this stage is a,bition for the future. So concentrate on talking about that over the tea table, rather than about his current work. Focus on the courses and unis he wants to apply to, why he wants to do that subject, where that will lead in the future.

Offer him your unconditional love and support, and make that clear to him. Many young men are outwardly full of bravado and arrogance, because inwardly they are very vulnerable and insecure.

Keep gently repeating offers of how you might help: Do you want me to help you go through your documents and notes and get yiur file organised? Are there any revision guides you need us to buy? Would you like me to look through your diary/planner with you to help prioritise outstanding work and help you get organised.

Good luck!

My message to Atia was meant for horsemad of course! Too early in the morning!

Thanks MrsB and Roisin. This is what gets me; we are so so aupportive, DH who is a maths person offers loads of assistance, far beyond what I could. I offer organisational help, but he refuses most of my help, preferring to work in a muddle.

He's insistent he's applying for ICL, they want A*AA. He hasn't a cat in hell's chance of an offer but won't take anyone's advice.
I really feel fed up today!

Oh Horsemad I do really feel for you - have done (more than) my fair share of teeth-gritting and tongue-biting. Does he have a specific UCAS mentor at school? I can't imagine school are going to let him send off a UCAS form with 5 highly-aspirational choices on it, so perhaps he'll listen to them.

Rant here, be nice to him, and let last night's realities sink into his head. I'm sure he knows at some level, he must be feeling disappointed as well

He does have a UCAS mentor Atia, I'm hoping she can talk some sense into him!
His Physics teacher said last night he must be realistic about his selections.
Doesn't help that DH thinks any none RG uni isn't worth applying to and DS agrees, although he might not have much choice in the matter now.