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Secondary education

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Original poster

Something happened on dd's school trip and unsure how to handle this

93 replies

Schooltrip · 08/07/2014 20:04

Dd is 13yo and went on a residential foreign trip last week.

While away dh got a call from school telling him that a video had been made by a kid on the trip and in the video dd was being called names. School wanted us to know they were dealing with it, fair enough.

Dd is back and being a bit quiet about the whole thing. I've just got it out of her what happened.

She's in a bedroom, 6 girls sharing the room. Dd is getting changed and some of the girls are the other side of the room making videos on their phone. A boy comes into the room, against the rules as they were told no boys in the girls rooms, etc.

Dd is totally naked as this boy is in the room. According to dd the boy was staring at her and loudly calling her "bushy". Dd says she froze. This was caught on video.

Now dd hasn't seen the video and says she doesn't think she was on the video. But that the video shows the boy staring at her and calling her bushy.

The video was seen by kids back in the uk while the trip was still abroad. So I'm guessing was shared on Facebook.

My concern is that maybe dd was actually in the video!

Dd says she's getting teased a lot at school about it. Kids calling her bushy in the corridors, etc, talking about how this boy saw her naked.

School appparantly is deciding how much trouble the girls who made the video are going to be in and whether they're to be excluded or not. Dd is worried that these girls are in trouble and that they'll blame dd for it.

On top of this we had an incident yesterday where a boy shoved and kicked dd. its his second episode of violence towards her. The first time he reckoned it was an accident. Hmm. He tried saying it was an accident again but HOY according to dd was screaming at the boy that she didnt believe him. His parents have been contacted and he's been told if he does it again he'll be excluded. School haven't contacted us about this at all.

Earlier on in the year dd was hit round the head with a chair in a lesson and I went nuts at the school. Wrote a two page letter copied to the head and governors asking how they felt they were safeguarding my dd and that if there was further violence to dd that I'd contact the police if I felt the school didnt take it seriously.

In year 7 dd was also attacked by a girl who was temporarily excluded after that.

So I think school may already feel that I'm one of "those parents" as I can't imagine my letter went down well. Obviously my priority is to dd. who wants it forgotten about.

I need to contact the school don't I to try and get any more details on what was in the video? And then what? Nothing?

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 09/07/2014 13:07

I can totally understand about not upsetting her further, but you do need to get to the bottom of it, and the police are best placed to do this. I really don't blame your DD in wanting to forget it, but the problems are out there already.

I, too, am unimpressed with the school, both that the deputy has no knowledge of a really serious incident concerning his school, and by the bullshit victim blaming he has done.

Good luck, OP, and my best to your daughter. Thanks

Original poster
Schooltrip · 09/07/2014 13:10

Is it something Ofsted would be interested in?

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/07/2014 13:16

Definitely , or speak to the Children's Services department at your county council as they have also a responsibility for Safeguarding.

Damnautocorrect · 09/07/2014 13:19

You've had good advise already.
On my school residentials the teachers did sit outside in the corridors with a book and can of beer it must have been shit but it's what's needed sometimes

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 09/07/2014 13:20

Short of sitting in the corridor all evening

Well if that is what it takes to safeguard the children then that is bloody well what they should be fucking DOING. The trip is not a vacation for the teachers, FFS, they are on duty.

I think you need to establish the facts first OP (was there definitely a naked video of your DD) and then contact the police and OFSTED. I do believe this is a breakdown in the school's duty of care to safeguard your daughter, and they should be involved.

Keeping Children Safe in Education. Well they didn't keep her safe, did they? They let a naked video of her be posted on the internet. They let her be bullied and humiliated.

In this case I don't think you let her discomfort dictate your actions. She might want to brush it all under the carpet and try to forget about it now but I guarantee in the future it will bother her unless it gets dealt with.

HibiscusIsland · 09/07/2014 13:20

No one would think you are one of "those" parents. You are trying to stop abusive behaviour towards your dd

Original poster
Schooltrip · 09/07/2014 13:22

The school are saying they don't think dd was in the video.

Dd is saying she doesn't think she was in the video.

The girls who filmed the snapchat thing said she wasn't in shot.

I'll never have any way of knowing for 100% sure I guess but maybe I just have to trust that she was out of shot?

OP posts:
CarpeJugulum · 09/07/2014 13:24

I remember being on school trips and we had a teacher (actually two thinking about it!) in the corridor for about 2 hours after lights out. And this was a "naice" school with no exclusions that I can remember in the six years I was there.

Kids will be kids, and yes they will try to get into places they shouldn't be, but that's what the teachers are there for - to stop them!

As for the changing in the toilets comment, words fail me!

LIZS · 09/07/2014 13:27

but that doesn't make the behaviour any more acceptable, especially if she was still identifiable. It may save her dignity but the incident still happened, there has been discussion post the trip and you may never be sure. Please don't let the school minimise this.

RabidFairy · 09/07/2014 13:30

I honestly think you need to ring the police now about the video. Social media is such that things can spread like wildfire and there is no guarantee that these images have been erased. The police should seize the phone at the very least and check.
The Dep Head sounds like a tool who just wanted to make nice but not actually DO anything. Take it further OP.

titchy · 09/07/2014 13:33

I too suspect she wasn't actually in the video.

But a) the school are victim-blaming - saying she should have got changed in the bathroom, and b) admitting they are incapable of ensuring her, or any other pupils', safety because they aren't prepared to sit in the corridor all night.

And yes OFSTED would most certainly regard this as a safeguarding issue and be interested to talk to you.

Curioushorse · 09/07/2014 13:46

Eh, um, my experience of residentials is that you do sit in the corridor to police children! The deputy head's reaction is bizarre. He is admitting thst he can't guarantee kid's safety......and that the kids felt so unsafe that they didn't get changed in their bedrooms! He also seemd to be passing the blame onto your child.

Don't phone the police or ofsted. Neither of those will help......but a letter to the governors outlining the events would be interesting. Pretty much your post here, actually.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/07/2014 14:05

Don't phone the police or ofsted. Neither of those will help......

This isn't true. Please do call the police, on their non-emergency number 101.

tiggytape · 09/07/2014 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

queenofthemountain · 09/07/2014 14:24

I don't think posters are reading this correctly.

1 your dd does not appear on the video at all , let alone naked

2 A 13 year old boy came into the room and the girls filmed hiim coming in and shouting 'bushy'

OK the boy should aqbsolutely not have come into the girls room , although i don't expect he was expecting to be met by the sight of a naked girl.It sounds as though he was as shocked as she was.

The offending video has now been removed from facebook.I really think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.I am sure everyone of us has been accidentally walked in on at sometimes.It will all be forgot after the summer holidays.

I am not sure what the school has done wrong, they can patrol corridors, yes- but they just need to be called away to deal with an incident and a girl or boy sneaks by.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/07/2014 14:30

1 your dd does not appear on the video at all , let alone naked

The OP can't be certain of this, until she has seen it. That's a pretty big leap of faith to take the school's word on this, considering how shit they've been about everything else.

tiggytape · 09/07/2014 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Patrickstarisabadbellend · 09/07/2014 14:46

First thing you need to do is to get the police. Report all assaults and bullying.
Get in touch with the education department in your area. Do not let this drop. If a video has been posted onto facebook or sent around the school I would be demanding those kids were arrested for producing child pornography.

Kids need to know they cannot do this and they'll be serious consequences.

In must be hell for you sending your dd in to that school Sad

Calling your dd bushy? What vile children.

AntoinetteCosway · 09/07/2014 14:49

I worked in a girls' boarding school and being on duty meant staying on the corridors for a good couple of hours after lights out so that a) we could nip shenanigans in the bud and prevent them being in and out of each other's rooms distributed each other and b) if anyone was upset (e.g. homesick) they could find a member of staff easily and not have to walk through the pitch black boarding house to the staff flats. I am gobsmacked that, on a residential trip with boys and girls, the deputy head didn't have staff on duty in the corridors after lights out. I know this happened while they were getting ready rather that at night but the fact that he said they couldn't be on duty all the time (what a defensive thing to say!) to me strongly implies that the level of care in general was not good enough.

AntoinetteCosway · 09/07/2014 14:49

disturbing, not distributed.

AnAirOfHope82 · 09/07/2014 15:13

I would want the police to check the phone for the video and I would call HT to talk about changes to policy with night duty and no moblies on school trips and ofsted to see that its implemented.

I would try to work with the school to improve and not move my dd unless she wanted to.

nomdemere · 09/07/2014 15:18

I would ring the police. Completely unacceptable. I can't believe the school hasn't contacted you themselves to talk this through.

queenofthemountain · 09/07/2014 16:04

OP's DD SAYS SHE IS NOT ON THE VIDEO!!

LIZS · 09/07/2014 16:14

But she should never have been placed in a position of even potentially being videoed undressed, whether she was out of shot or not. Why were the girls playing with their phones etc in the bedroom and how was the boy able to just walk in and why. Was it a dare, were they set up ? By the sounds of it it wasn't just a quick mistake , he had time to tease her , they had time to switch on phones and record his reaction, if not her. Then the girl/s decided to circulate it on social media. None of this is appropriate behaviour, whether on a trip or at school, and should be punished. If there was a commotion, and I can't imagine there wouldn't have been some screaming, a member of staff should have been within earshot and come to investigate.

AnAirOfHope82 · 09/07/2014 16:22

I would not trust children to tell the truth.

The teacher could not confirm if it had been on the phone or shared.

I would personally need the police to get the phone and check the data and retrive the vidoe and see if the video had inclued my naked dd and if it was copied or shared and if she was I would want the owner of the phone who took the video charged.

Her dd cpuld have been filmed naked and that I would want investigate by people who know what they are doing.

Her dd was frozen in shook and embarressed as any one would be and might not know if she was on the video or not. The only way to find out would be for the police to check.

But its up to op to deal with this as she sees fit.

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