Something happened on dd's school trip and unsure how to handle this

[Schooltrip]

Dd is 13yo and went on a residential foreign trip last week.

While away dh got a call from school telling him that a video had been made by a kid on the trip and in the video dd was being called names. School wanted us to know they were dealing with it, fair enough.

Dd is back and being a bit quiet about the whole thing. I've just got it out of her what happened.

She's in a bedroom, 6 girls sharing the room. Dd is getting changed and some of the girls are the other side of the room making videos on their phone. A boy comes into the room, against the rules as they were told no boys in the girls rooms, etc.

Dd is totally naked as this boy is in the room. According to dd the boy was staring at her and loudly calling her "bushy". Dd says she froze. This was caught on video.

Now dd hasn't seen the video and says she doesn't think she was on the video. But that the video shows the boy staring at her and calling her bushy.

The video was seen by kids back in the uk while the trip was still abroad. So I'm guessing was shared on Facebook.

My concern is that maybe dd was actually in the video!

Dd says she's getting teased a lot at school about it. Kids calling her bushy in the corridors, etc, talking about how this boy saw her naked.

School appparantly is deciding how much trouble the girls who made the video are going to be in and whether they're to be excluded or not. Dd is worried that these girls are in trouble and that they'll blame dd for it.


On top of this we had an incident yesterday where a boy shoved and kicked dd. its his second episode of violence towards her. The first time he reckoned it was an accident. . He tried saying it was an accident again but HOY according to dd was screaming at the boy that she didnt believe him. His parents have been contacted and he's been told if he does it again he'll be excluded. School haven't contacted us about this at all.

Earlier on in the year dd was hit round the head with a chair in a lesson and I went nuts at the school. Wrote a two page letter copied to the head and governors asking how they felt they were safeguarding my dd and that if there was further violence to dd that I'd contact the police if I felt the school didnt take it seriously.

In year 7 dd was also attacked by a girl who was temporarily excluded after that.

So I think school may already feel that I'm one of "those parents" as I can't imagine my letter went down well. Obviously my priority is to dd. who wants it forgotten about.

I need to contact the school don't I to try and get any more details on what was in the video? And then what? Nothing?

[crazymum53]

Am very sorry to hear this OP.
If you are not satisfied with the Deputy Head's response you need to write a formal complaint to the Head/Chair of Governors.
If the school is an LEA school I would ask the LEA if they have a policy on Safeguarding children on school trips and on the internet to check that the school has acted accordingly and that guidelines do exist for dealing with a scenario like this.
Ideally it may be an idea to consider moving schools, but if you live in a rural area or small town where there are only a limited number of schools this may not be possible. Most schools would transfer the protagonist to a Pupil Referral Unit (PRU) if there were persistent behavior problems, but this may be more difficult in rural areas where such a unit may be far away.

[deadwithoutsugar]

You have to get out of that school and find a better one
and contact the police and if it keeps on going thats a kind of abuse
but all I can say I am a mother and that school is not right so get her out of there and delete facebook everything.

[todayisnottheday]

Sorry I've not read the whole thread, I normally would but I'm rushing and wanted to make sure you know this. It is possible to download an app that saves snap chats automatically. Imo the police need to be contacted and the school need to isolate all the people who were sent the video (including any who forwarded it) to ensure all traces are deleted.

[JimBobplusasprog]

Op: "there'll be no record"

Not necessarily true as deleted stuff can be recovered.

[JimBobplusasprog]

I agree you should report to police

The children would deny that your dd was filmed nude as kids this age know it's something that can land themIin serious trouble. The y6 at our school get this drummed into them.

Don't assume the content doesn't exist any more. The police need to have a look at the phone and social media accounts.

[LOLeater]

Also, this school needs to tackle the fact that one pupil has attacked your DD twice - have I understood that right.

At this point I really feel that your DD needs self defence lessons. Is anyone in that damn school takening violence and bullying seriously?

[LOLeater]

I feel very sorry that this has happened to your poor DD. I would be seething with fury and disgust if this had happened to my DD - and I am sure you feel the same.

Part of me understands your DD's wish to keep this contained and quiet but the worst case scenario is that images of her will be available.

Lots of the advice on here seems very frightening I know but I think you and your DH/DP need to make a formal appointment with the Headteacher and possibly a member of the Governors. You need to clarify exactly what happened and the extent to which the school did not prevent your DD being treated in this way.

I think the boy who entered the girls' room needs to be excluded and his parents warned.

The girls with phones who recorded this episode need to be interviewed individually and action taken against them.

Above all else, your daughter needs reassurance and support that NONE of this is her fault.

I do hope that you find some answers.

[fieldfare]

Op why are you downplaying this?!

Call your local police station, speak to them. Call Ofsted and report it to them. Write a letter to the Governing Body and report everything to them, including previous incidents. The dht's response is woeful as is his attitude in trying to blame your poor dd.
This needs investigating properly, not some half-arsed guess work about whether she was 'in shot' or not. This should not have been allowed to happen!

I would also not be allowing my dd to step foot in that school again. They have shown a blatant disregard for your daughter's safety and emotional well being.

Please take this seriously as you seem to be minimising it as the thread has progressed.

[lornemalvo]

I would be so upset if this was my DD. It is totally unacceptable. I would look into getting her into a different school. I wouldn't take her back there. I'm a grown woman and I couldn't go back if these things had happened to me. It sounds like an awful place.

[ConfusedintheNorth]

Phone the police, if it turns out she is on the vid, they've made and distributed sexual images of a minor... massive issue!

[LIZS]

Then they should have collected phones in and given out as required.

[Schooltrip]

And realistically I'm never going to know the truth. Especially if it was Snapchat live rather than posted to Facebook as dd states. There'll be no record.

[OwlCapone]

OP's DD SAYS SHE IS NOT ON THE VIDEO!!

She doesn't think she was in the video.

I would be appalled if this happened to my DD.

[Schooltrip]

They wanted them to have phones because the kids were allowed round the city in groups of 3 or more. But it was felt they needed a phone so they could contact someone in an emergency.

[CharmQuark]

OP, I am glad your dd is sure she is not in the video.

The school do need to invetigate it properley and I am glad they are being hard on the various offenders.

Though I think the pressure needs to be kept up on the school, I do not see why your dd should be moved out of a good school that she largely enjoys to a less good school because of the behaviour of other kids.

I hope the school do sort it out and it can all calm down and your dd can go into next year with no worries.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

I thought dds school were draconian in not allowing phones on residential trips. I'm beginning to see why they do so now.

I think though that there are a couple of issues
1)Boy comes into girls room. He is inappropriate.

2)Girls are mucking about with phones, not being inappropriate but then get stupid and post video of inappropriate boys comment.

To me they are safeguarding issues and if the HT doesnt respond appropriately then I would take it up with the governors and OFSTED if unsatisfactory response.

[LIZS]

I would not trust children to tell the truth. Agree, they've had time to get their stories straight, attempt to delete evidence and cover their tracks. They know the potential seriousness of the situation.

[AnAirOfHope82]

The teacher didnt know about it til op told then a few days after the trip so he could not have seen it or any copies.

The girls will say no to get out of trouble none of these sources are reliable.

None of it is ok and the school response was not enough

[AnAirOfHope82]

I would not trust children to tell the truth.

The teacher could not confirm if it had been on the phone or shared.

I would personally need the police to get the phone and check the data and retrive the vidoe and see if the video had inclued my naked dd and if it was copied or shared and if she was I would want the owner of the phone who took the video charged.

Her dd cpuld have been filmed naked and that I would want investigate by people who know what they are doing.

Her dd was frozen in shook and embarressed as any one would be and might not know if she was on the video or not. The only way to find out would be for the police to check.

But its up to op to deal with this as she sees fit.

[LIZS]

But she should never have been placed in a position of even potentially being videoed undressed, whether she was out of shot or not. Why were the girls playing with their phones etc in the bedroom and how was the boy able to just walk in and why. Was it a dare, were they set up ? By the sounds of it it wasn't just a quick mistake , he had time to tease her , they had time to switch on phones and record his reaction, if not her. Then the girl/s decided to circulate it on social media. None of this is appropriate behaviour, whether on a trip or at school, and should be punished. If there was a commotion, and I can't imagine there wouldn't have been some screaming, a member of staff should have been within earshot and come to investigate.

[queenofthemountain]

OP's DD SAYS SHE IS NOT ON THE VIDEO!!

[nomdemere]

I would ring the police. Completely unacceptable. I can't believe the school hasn't contacted you themselves to talk this through.

[AnAirOfHope82]

I would want the police to check the phone for the video and I would call HT to talk about changes to policy with night duty and no moblies on school trips and ofsted to see that its implemented.

I would try to work with the school to improve and not move my dd unless she wanted to.

[AntoinetteCosway]

disturbing, not distributed.

[AntoinetteCosway]

I worked in a girls' boarding school and being on duty meant staying on the corridors for a good couple of hours after lights out so that a) we could nip shenanigans in the bud and prevent them being in and out of each other's rooms distributed each other and b) if anyone was upset (e.g. homesick) they could find a member of staff easily and not have to walk through the pitch black boarding house to the staff flats. I am gobsmacked that, on a residential trip with boys and girls, the deputy head didn't have staff on duty in the corridors after lights out. I know this happened while they were getting ready rather that at night but the fact that he said they couldn't be on duty all the time (what a defensive thing to say!) to me strongly implies that the level of care in general was not good enough.