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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

After School Detentions

136 replies

hippppy · 27/05/2014 13:58

Please do not come in on the attack!

My son is at a secondary Free School, they are in temporary accommodation and tucked away. They have no bus route and are not near a train station.

The days are very long already. They HAVE to stay for an hour of clubs every day. Unfortunately these clubs do not seem too much fun... Juggling, Magic club, textiles.. (thats another story!)

My son recently has been labled G&T, and now G&T underachieving and SEN (because he is G&T) his behavior at school is getting out of control, he is rude and cheeky to teachers and is very bored in class.

He is grounded at home, no internet or phone. I have constantly tried to work with the school, I am in no way letting him off for his poor behavior at school!!!!

I have told the school I am going to remove him and put him into a normal state school. Unfortunately this will take up to 10 school days and I feel this has upset the Head.

He was suspended on Wednesday for being rude to teachers and the Head insisted I collected him. I do not drive and my son comes in a car share. I am a single parent on a very low income with two children and all week I have not been able to go to work. (self employed) A taxi back from the school is £30.

A couple of weeks ago the head insisted he came in on inset day, this resulted in two trains and a taxi. After this I wrote the head a long email stating that I simply cannot send him in taxi's home and I thought the school had accepted that.

He was naughty on Friday (I AM NOT TRYING TO EXCUSE HIS BEHAVIOUR!) and the Head rang me very late in the day saying he was going to KEEP my son and he would miss his lift home. I tried to explain I do not have the money to put him in a Taxi but the Head was very firm and insisted I would just have to find him a way home.

He is only 12, I do feel uncomfortable sending him in a taxi with a stranger. I had to ring four taxi companies as everyone was booked up and ended up putting him in a car with a firm I am not familiar with (CRB checked etc) He didn't get home until 6.45pm)

I do not think this school is the best place for my son. He is very unhappy there! I have spent hours on the phone trying to move him somewhere else. I have had many worries about the school but as it is new I have tried to work with them but its all getting out of control.

I do not have the money to put him in a taxi and i'm worried that this will end up costing me my job. This is costing me a fortune!

10 days left (ish) Can I refuse to allow the school to keep my son after school? Or can I home ed until he gets a place in the other school?

Thank you in advance

OP posts:
happygardening · 29/05/2014 10:25

"If your son did like the majority of kids and got his head down........"
If only it was as simple as this! Just imagine we'd have a completely different society. But here in the real world it isn't just a matter of saying get on with it and it miraculously happens.
Thea have you never misbehaved? Have you children never seriously misbehaved? Sometimes if you've always been well behaved it's hard to understand why others can't see what "bleeding obvious" to you. We are all different.

Wolfiefan · 29/05/2014 10:33

Thanks for letting me know his levels. He's clearly able. Surely if he's bored it would be better to work with the teachers and get work differentiated rather than act the clown and stop other kids learning and the teacher teaching.
You do still seem to be making excuses for his behaviour or finding it funny. (I'd be really cross if my 11 year old wrote on furniture. I don't care what it is he wrote.)

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 29/05/2014 11:34

I'm not totally convinced it is boredom. From the OP's posts I get the feeling that he's OK in academic lessons that he can do, regardless of whether he's being challenged but it's the subjects he's not as gifted in and doesn't see the point in that he's misbehaving in. That's not boredom, that's an attitude problem.

OP I would focus lesson the school and more on changing that attitude and getting him to take responsibility for his own behaviour. It may be that he needs specialist help with that. He isn't a child any more. He's growing up. At some point he's going to need to learn to knuckle down and get on with stuff he doesn't like without causing an issue. Much better to learn that now than later when he's finding himself in problems with either the law or trying to hold down a job.

I'd also be careful about which independent you pick, if you go down that route. Unlike a state school they have no obligation to educate him. They can probably fill that place several times over. If his behaviour continues like it is they might just decide to get rid of him. An expulsion on top of his existing behaviour record is not going to look good however gifted he is,

happygardening · 29/05/2014 12:03

"He isn't a child any more"
Rafa he's 12 years, old the UN states that they are children till 18, most children admitted to hospital will be considered children until at least 16 some say 18. SS remain responsible for them till 18. So at 12 he's definitely a child and he's allowed to make mistakes.
I'm bowing out of this thread now good luck OP.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 29/05/2014 12:21

I never said ha wasn't allowed to make mistakes. He's 12 of course he will make mistakes. I doubt he'd even fully thought of the consequences when he set that fire alarm off.

But being 12 is not the same as being a younger child. Whilst the UN definition of a child is under 18 at 12 he is over the age of criminal responsibility, can I think be prosected as an adult, and if in hospital would likely be considered old enought to make decisions for his own medical care. Even where his wishes go against those of his parents.

Agggghast · 29/05/2014 13:53

He does sound terribly immature, writing on furniture, letting off fire alarm etc. Also not being able to cope with Drama/Music, has he been seen by an edpsych? It does sound like there are deeper difficulties for the levels you cite are not remarkable, most secondaries will have pupils working at or above them. Certainly we have at least 10 pupils in Year 7 working above L7 in Maths. He is bright but not a genius so there must be another explanation.

DeWee · 29/05/2014 14:32

I think money wise you've got off lightly.
When I was at school a couple of lads set the fire alarm off during horseplay-not deliberately, but definitely their fault. They got sent a bill: 500 per fire engine. 4 fire engines turned up. Shock
They also were suspended for 2 days, so again, he got off pretty lightly there.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 29/05/2014 17:05

It's gone up a lot. DeWee. I think we've been quoted up to 10,000 fine at work for accidental setting off of fire alarms. Pretty sure the fire brigade wouldn't hesitate to fine us that for malicious setting off of one.

Hakluyt · 29/05/2014 17:24

Of course he's still a child at 12! That's why he needs firm boundaries and rules. What happened when he wrote on the bedside table?

AElfgifu · 29/05/2014 19:49

Did you have a response to the suggestion of walking to the school to collect him and walking him home? That wouldn't cost anything.

Hakluyt · 29/05/2014 20:01

If it's a 30 quid taxi ride it's not likely to be walking distance, surely?

annebullin · 29/05/2014 20:07

The OP stated in her opening post that she works. She needs her ds to be able to make his own way home rather than have to collect him presumably.

AElfgifu · 29/05/2014 20:44

It doesn't really matter whether DS considered it within walking distance or not. if he had to stand ans wait for his mum,and then walk home, it won't cost his mum anything, and DS would not be wanting to spend his evenings like that, so in fact, the further the better,. Mum could travel part way by train to collect him, if she wanted to. Still cheaper than taxi.

Hakluyt · 29/05/2014 20:52

Oh don't be silly- it's a 30 quid taxi ride! Round here that's probably about 20 miles.

AElfgifu · 30/05/2014 06:54

20 miles should have the desired effect.

Or make it half and half, £15 quid taxi ride, and 10 miles, or some other variation.

TooBigNow · 30/05/2014 12:40

This may help you to understand and cope with your DS.
Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students
My DD is also gifted and can be emotional.
I found the book very helpful.

AElfgifu · 30/05/2014 12:44

Thee levels given don't indicate a gifted student, it maybe more related to very high expectations?

Icimoi · 30/05/2014 21:55

You are wrong Icimoi the contract schools have with parents entitles schools to charge parents for damage/fines their child incurs

Not so.

  1. There is no contract between parents and free schools.
  2. As you can see from the quote in my post, the fine in question would have been a fine imposed following a prosecution. Nothing whatsoever to do with the school in any event.
Icimoi · 30/05/2014 22:04

A couple of things struck me- after school juggling and magic clubs not being much fun? on what planet?

On this planet. How could anyone who regularly deals with teenagers think that they are itching to attend after school magic and juggling clubs???

Icimoi · 30/05/2014 22:18

It doesn't really matter whether DS considered it within walking distance or not. if he had to stand ans wait for his mum,and then walk home, it won't cost his mum anything, and DS would not be wanting to spend his evenings like that, so in fact, the further the better

The problem with that is that he wouldn't be allowed to wait in school till his mum could get there after work: given the public transport situation, that could well be 7 or later. It's not exactly desirable for a 12 year old to have to hang around outside a school indefinitely after school hours.

Unexpected · 30/05/2014 22:21

Let's not get hung up on the magic and juggling. I suspect the OP picked the two most "niche" clubs from a catalogue of about 50. Given that after-school clubs are apparently mandatory, I would bet that there is also football, basketball, netball etc etc as well as chess, choir, drama and a whole range of other options too. Frankly, there would have to be, unless you are going to have 300+ kids in each of magic and juggling. Oh, and for what it's worth, DS1 would hate both magic and juggling, DS2 would think they were the greatest thing ever.

Icimoi · 30/05/2014 22:23

20 miles should have the desired effect.

Average walking speed: 3.1 miles per hour - slower for children. So approximately 7 hours' walk in the dark after a long day at school, arriving home around 2 a.m..

I'm glad you're not my mum, AElfgifu.

AElfgifu · 30/05/2014 22:24

i wonder how far it actually is then? it does seem very strange to choose a school without any consideration of how to get there and back.

Icimoi · 30/05/2014 22:26

Unexpected, the chances of about 50 after school clubs being available in a new free school are vanishingly small. Remember they are in temporary accommodation and probably have one or at most two small year groups and, apparently, a falling roll.

AElfgifu · 30/05/2014 22:28

Icimoi, I don't know if it is 20 miles, that was another posters suggestion, but he could certainly walk part of it, if his Mum considers 20 miles too long. My children can walk that distance, enjoy it and are proud of it, but wouldn't like being told they had to. On the other hand, if the mum cannot arrange any other form of transport for him, it is his own fault.

It would seem to be £30 taxi fare FROM THE STATION, surely no school would accept a student who had to come by train, then take a taxi for the last 20 miles? I don't understand, really.

How far away is the school, OP?

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