After School Detentions

[hippppy]

Please do not come in on the attack!

My son is at a secondary Free School, they are in temporary accommodation and tucked away. They have no bus route and are not near a train station.

The days are very long already. They HAVE to stay for an hour of clubs every day. Unfortunately these clubs do not seem too much fun... Juggling, Magic club, textiles.. (thats another story!)

My son recently has been labled G&T, and now G&T underachieving and SEN (because he is G&T) his behavior at school is getting out of control, he is rude and cheeky to teachers and is very bored in class.

He is grounded at home, no internet or phone. I have constantly tried to work with the school, I am in no way letting him off for his poor behavior at school!!!!

I have told the school I am going to remove him and put him into a normal state school. Unfortunately this will take up to 10 school days and I feel this has upset the Head.

He was suspended on Wednesday for being rude to teachers and the Head insisted I collected him. I do not drive and my son comes in a car share. I am a single parent on a very low income with two children and all week I have not been able to go to work. (self employed) A taxi back from the school is £30.

A couple of weeks ago the head insisted he came in on inset day, this resulted in two trains and a taxi. After this I wrote the head a long email stating that I simply cannot send him in taxi's home and I thought the school had accepted that.

He was naughty on Friday (I AM NOT TRYING TO EXCUSE HIS BEHAVIOUR!) and the Head rang me very late in the day saying he was going to KEEP my son and he would miss his lift home. I tried to explain I do not have the money to put him in a Taxi but the Head was very firm and insisted I would just have to find him a way home.

He is only 12, I do feel uncomfortable sending him in a taxi with a stranger. I had to ring four taxi companies as everyone was booked up and ended up putting him in a car with a firm I am not familiar with (CRB checked etc) He didn't get home until 6.45pm)

I do not think this school is the best place for my son. He is very unhappy there! I have spent hours on the phone trying to move him somewhere else. I have had many worries about the school but as it is new I have tried to work with them but its all getting out of control.

I do not have the money to put him in a taxi and i'm worried that this will end up costing me my job. This is costing me a fortune!

10 days left (ish) Can I refuse to allow the school to keep my son after school? Or can I home ed until he gets a place in the other school?

Thank you in advance

The school aren't causing the problem. The behaviour of your child is causing the problem.
You need to stop complaining about the school. Support them and deal with the behaviour of your child or in a few months you will be back here moaning about the new school.

Thank you. I am waiting a call back and have just got off the phone to the education department

Well surely you have to accept this is your son's fault and you must make him aware of this, get him to cook dinner with what is in the cupboard and plan meals for the week. Maybe he will improve his behaviour when he sees the practical impact. You cannot blame the school for the impact of taxis if your son ignored it, indeed it sounds as if his behaviour escalated.

Someone asked earlier what he was like at his previous school, but you don't seem to have replied. Is this new behaviour, or has he had problems before?

He suffered with a lot of bullying at his last school. Behavior was very good in the subjects he likes Maths, Science, English etc. not so great in music and drama.

Nothing like this.

He loves to study, write stories, mathematical problems and reading. He does things like that for fun! Part of the problem I feel is that his new found popularity with his peers has gone to his head, especially after
Being picked on previously.

He isn't your average kid. I have just registered with potential plus, I'm hoping for a telephone call with someone experienced in gifted and talented, on the website it says if your child's behavior is getting worse, gifted and talented underacheiving etc they can help support.

I am not blaming the school. But I do not feel this is the best place for my son!

I have spent today speaking with the Education team and the Home Ed team, both have been extreemly supportive and helpful.

And the fact is, I cannot afford to send him back!

So he behaved badly at his last school and behaves badly at this one? There's a common denominator here and it isn't the fault of the school.

By all means move him but if it doesn't work out again you need to start planting the blame firmly at the feet of your DS.

So behaviour in some subjects was "not so good"? This has escalated? Bullied in the past or not HE needs to take responsibility for his actions. It's not the school's fault if he's behaving badly.

A couple of things struck me- after school juggling and magic clubs not being much fun? on what planet?

And the being labelled SEN for underachieving? What's that about?

As for the detentions- at ds's school there are a lot of very rural children, and if they miss the bus they are stymied, so there is always warning for after school detentions, even though technically there doesn't have to be. It does seem to me to be unreasonable to expect the OP to come up with a £30 taxi fare at short notice.

I have no experience of the state sector so this may not be helpful BUT it sounds incredibly unreasonable to keep hold of a 12yo until a time when he cannot reasonably get home. Tell the head that you can't afford a taxi and that if he keeps your DS late again then you won't be picking him up or arranging a cab home and will expect the school to deal with the situation in a safe manner. The Head just won't want the hassle is my prediction, but admittedly it is a gamble. What pretext is he using for issuing the DTs? Can't the school use their imagination and find a punishment that punishes the child and not the parent?

If you don;t want to call the Head's bluff then pragmatically, I would HE for a couple of weeks. Alternatively, go straight to a governor (find them from the website).

And a fair number of independent schools I'd imagine, tiggy. Mine certainly would have given detention or suspension for that.

And there's no way I'd have got off a detention for living too far away and missing the bus. Nice if they might consider it, but not the school's problem to sort.

obviously I have looked into the legal side of this now. A head does have the right to issue a detention with no notice:

Detentions outside school hours
34. School staff should not issue a detention where they know that doing so would
compromise a child's safety. When ensuring that a detention outside school hours is
reasonable, staff issuing the detention should consider the following points:
? Whether the detention is likely to put the pupil at risk.
? Whether the pupil has known caring responsibilities which mean that the detention
is unreasonable.
? Whether the parents ought to be informed of the detention. In many cases it will be
necessary to do so, but this will depend on the circumstances. For instance, notice
may not be necessary for a short after school detention where the pupil can get
home safely; and
? Whether suitable travel arrangements can be made by the parent for the pupil. It
does not matter if making these arrangements is inconvenient for the parent.

Surely by issuing a detention very late in the day causing a child having to come home in a taxi that IS NOT CRB checked is not SAFE!

I do not think i am in a position where I can safely collect my child at such short notice (again)

Profplump - unfortunately they seem to be perfectly within the law, no matter how much of a financial burden to me and with no exception to my circumstances. I will not send him back to this school..

I have contacted ALL the agencies and LEA teams to tell them exactly why.

thank you so much mouldingsunbeams and others for actually pointing me in the right direction, rather than just coming in on the the attack.

I have a son that is working at least 5 years above himself in all subjects. Most people would not understand that his alone brings other issues. NEVER have I said that this is an excuse for misbehaviour. I just want him to be happy and settled somewhere and as any Mum, I will continue to try and do what is BEST!

Arrrgghhhhh!

So let the further attacks begin.

Hakult - A couple of things struck me- after school juggling and magic clubs not being much fun? on what planet?

Oh my days! For it to be compulsory to attend after school club and be forced to 'juggle' with the Maths teacher for an extra hour after school??? hahaha OR magic club with Mr whoever... COMPULSORY! Its a bloody joke!

RE:stretch and challenge, if he's in year 7 but working at GCSE level then you need to weigh up the social aspects vs the educational aspects - I went to university with someone who was 15 when he arrived and had been doing an open university degree whilst at school. Could you find a school that would 'fast track' your son and allow him to do that and move on?

It is worth noticing that there were huge gaps in my friends education though when he arrived at uni and socially he really missed out. Interestingly, he didn't leave with a 1st - it was as though his intelligence settled down to 'normal' by the end!

hippppy - there's been a program on radio 4 tonight about the link between maths and magic! There's all kinds of learning, you know :)

Is he really five years above his age group in all subjects including MFL, music and drama (which seems unlikely as he doesn't seem to be able behave in the later two...)? In which case he can surely home ed himself... Good luck, I genuinely hope this works out for the best.

So- he's at GCSE level in all subjects in year 8. is the school he's going to able to deal with this?

He is year 7 not year 8. and no, the new school may not be able to deal with this. but I have no other option @HHakluyt

potteringalong - I like the idea of afterschool clubs and to some an extra hour at school learning magic would be fun...but bloody hell, its not for all..not many kids want to spend an hour on the end of their day (with no choice) juggling with the maths teacher.

An extra hour of maths, chess or science and my son would be haappy..

Yes he is working above his year (apart from drama, music and art)

Im trying my best to do what is best - so unhelpful comments and blatant attacks on my parenting skills are really not helpful!

Thank you again for all the replies.. some have been very helpful!

:)

So Doesn't rule 34 cover it? Suitable travel arrangements CAN'T be made by the parents and so the detention is likely to put the child at risk ERGO the HT has no right to issue a DT.

Above his year or five years above because you said the latter... Quite a big difference, almost as big as the difference between naughty behaviour and criminal acts.

Look, you are clearly trying to fix the situation but you must understand that the buck stops at you. We all make parenting mistakes and we all have to learn from them. We have to admit them first though. The evidence that you have given suggests that your child is causing serious problems - but rather than asking for guidance on dealing with that you are asking for guidance on how to solve a perceived problem you have with a school you have already decided to remove him from DESPITE being repeatedly told that the school are in the right and you are in the wrong.

Home educate themselves? fourcorneredandnarrowmindedsquare? What a silly thing to say... !

I know, I stooped to sarcasm, the lowest firm if wit. In fairness you're saying a lot if silly things too. And you can't spell hippy.

thanks ProfPlump- I will look into now.