After School Detentions

[hippppy]

Please do not come in on the attack!

My son is at a secondary Free School, they are in temporary accommodation and tucked away. They have no bus route and are not near a train station.

The days are very long already. They HAVE to stay for an hour of clubs every day. Unfortunately these clubs do not seem too much fun... Juggling, Magic club, textiles.. (thats another story!)

My son recently has been labled G&T, and now G&T underachieving and SEN (because he is G&T) his behavior at school is getting out of control, he is rude and cheeky to teachers and is very bored in class.

He is grounded at home, no internet or phone. I have constantly tried to work with the school, I am in no way letting him off for his poor behavior at school!!!!

I have told the school I am going to remove him and put him into a normal state school. Unfortunately this will take up to 10 school days and I feel this has upset the Head.

He was suspended on Wednesday for being rude to teachers and the Head insisted I collected him. I do not drive and my son comes in a car share. I am a single parent on a very low income with two children and all week I have not been able to go to work. (self employed) A taxi back from the school is £30.

A couple of weeks ago the head insisted he came in on inset day, this resulted in two trains and a taxi. After this I wrote the head a long email stating that I simply cannot send him in taxi's home and I thought the school had accepted that.

He was naughty on Friday (I AM NOT TRYING TO EXCUSE HIS BEHAVIOUR!) and the Head rang me very late in the day saying he was going to KEEP my son and he would miss his lift home. I tried to explain I do not have the money to put him in a Taxi but the Head was very firm and insisted I would just have to find him a way home.

He is only 12, I do feel uncomfortable sending him in a taxi with a stranger. I had to ring four taxi companies as everyone was booked up and ended up putting him in a car with a firm I am not familiar with (CRB checked etc) He didn't get home until 6.45pm)

I do not think this school is the best place for my son. He is very unhappy there! I have spent hours on the phone trying to move him somewhere else. I have had many worries about the school but as it is new I have tried to work with them but its all getting out of control.

I do not have the money to put him in a taxi and i'm worried that this will end up costing me my job. This is costing me a fortune!

10 days left (ish) Can I refuse to allow the school to keep my son after school? Or can I home ed until he gets a place in the other school?

Thank you in advance

He sounds less gifted and more entitled by the post. I have to say all the truly gifted pupils I have ever taught, including the ones with ASD, have been remarkable for their love for learning and good behaviour despite provocation.

So he's in year 7 and 5 years ahead in all subjects, working at Lower 6th form level. I think you have bigger issues than the occasional after school detention. What plan have you got in place to deal with his academic needs?

Why can't you walk to the school and walk him home?

My son is working at these levels @Hakluyt..

If your son is working at such advanced levels, surely he should be even more aware of the stupidity of setting off the fire alarm in school and be able to understand the effect of his behaviour on you, emotionally, practically and financially. Why is there such a disconnect between his academics and his behaviour? And no, it's not all down to boredom, I know several extremely advanced children in my ds1's year who wouldn't dream of pulling a stunt like that.

and I have no 'plan'. I do not know what to do for the best. The school he is at is not good.. the school he will be going to I hope will be a bit better..

he is at least 5 years above in some subjects. and has always been. swallows books from a young age.

Why is he working at these levels? That is poor management.

So what are his levels?
The new school may well be better but if he doesn't behave better then you'll be in exactly the same position.

WOLFIEEFAN: Level 8 English and I think 7A in RE, Science, Maths and others (apart from lang & music)

due a report out soon with levels etc..

1. Those levels are 'able' for a Yr7, but not '5 years above'.

1. People pointing out facts / disagreeing with you isn't the same thing as attacking you at all. Don't post on the internet if you don't want people posting their thought too.

1. The fact you are a single parent is irrelevant. The fact you might not have money in your purse is irrelevant too. You chose to send him to a school that had longer hours than most. You chose to send him to a school that is so far away / difficult to get to - you can't expect special allowances because you made those choices.

Those levels are very good for Yr 7 but they are not 5 years ahead, that would suggest he is working at 6th form level in some subjects. DS2 has some 7A and 7b targets in in Yr8 and he's not even in the top group for some subjects in his year group, never mind working ahead of them.

Obviously those levels are excellent- but not 5 years ahead, and nothing which can't be managed by properly differentiated work in a normal classroom. So if the school he's going to is a good one there shouldn't be a problem academically any more. And if his bad behaviour is caused by frustration and boredom that should stop too.

He is G&T but under achieving...Apparenty! I am only going by what I am told. I have been told he is producing work of university standard. Especially with his writing and poetry. And in his school they only mark up to a 7a in year 7. I do not think his levels are a true reflection.

Thank you Hesterton. I have already started the admissions process for a private school that offers bursary places at 13+. I do feel now his behavior at this school will prevent him being offered a place. No harm in trying! I hope to spend time in the break between schools talking with my son and trying to make him realise all of this!

And yes, a lot of gifted kids are the model pupils. but some are not!

Setting off the fire alarm is really naughty! I am not for one minute trying to say that has anything to do with being gifted or being bored! He is in heaps of trouble!

Sorry it's not black and white. SOME of his poor behavior is due to boredom. for example, if he gets kicked out of drama he has to go and sit in year 8 maths.. He loves year 8 maths! He does insist he is not learning enough and is finding school boring.. I cannot ignore that.

His behavior is really slipping. I came on here for advice.. And thank you to some posters!

I usually avoid these kind of threads as I hate to see the OP attacked by a bunch of self righteous parents when she's specifically asked for advise.
OP many children seriously misbehave and the reasons are exceedingly complex, it's exasperating for both parents and school staff involved. 12 year olds don't always think about the consequences of their actions setting of a fire alarm is exceedingly serious but he may not have seen it like this, fortunately his current school appear also to be taking this view and not going down the legal road with all it's consequences.
As others have said keep him at home it's only for a few weeks, can you or a family friends/relative etc who he likes sit and discuss his behaviour, I'm not sure if you said if this has only started since he went to the school or if he's always mucked around? Is he well behaved away from school around you? Does he have friends at school? Is he well behaved with them? You really need to find a way of at the very least improving it. Punishments are necessary but so is encouragement and listening to them and what's going on. It's very hard to stop bad behaviour over night, aim for small realistic improvements.
I do hope he settles at the new school.
I agree with a comment up thread if he's bright have you thought about a selective independent school? Christ's Hospital is the obvious one they offer generous means tested bursaries.

So what does whoever told you he is working at university level suggest is best for him?

I think it sounds tough and I really hope happier times are ahead for your son (and you).

I do not think my son realised how serious setting the fire alarm off was. And to be honest I had no idea that it was a criminal offence etc! I know he deeply regrets it now.

He is playing class clown. He has found a way to be popular (he has had a lot of bullying!) he is making people laugh and quite enjoying g the attention. BUT when it comes to feelings he believes he has to pretend to be someone else, like things (bands etc) just to appear cool. I know he is very unhappy with everything at the moment. He has dug himself a hole! I have had him referred for some counselling. We talk a lot but maybe it would help him to talk to someone removed about how he is feeling.

Thank you happy gardening.

Also, his behavior has not been great at home. But as soon as we hit half term there is a huge sigh of relief. His behavior this week hAs been great. Apart from writing on his bedside unit.. But not just scribbles its a list of books he wants to read this year. And dismantling the hoover to try and fix it and now it's broken.. Haha

We will get there..

Thank you treadheavily :)

Definitely try and find someone who he can talk to. You need to constructively address this behaviour before he really does get into trouble, I'd be talking to the new school seeing if they can help, he needs someone on his side, can he be allocated a teacher who will take an interest in him?
Lots of children at this age do feel they have to pretend to be someone else, lots of things are changing physically and emotionally and they get confused and worried.
Work really hard on your relationship with him, you sound like a great mum I have no doubt that you're in a difficult position just ignore all the negative comments above and concentrate on your relationship with your DS.

I'm not sure whether I would fully trust the assessments made by unqualified teachers (as the teachers in this school appear to be).

Who said that he was working at university level? Was this the English teacher who doesn't actually have an English degree? I'd guess that particular teacher hasn't a clue about how to meet his needs.

At the risk of pointing out the bleeding obvious it isn't the school that is causing all this stress and upset. If your son did like the majority of kids and got his head down did his work and stopped causing trouble there would be no detentions at all!

It may be a rubbish school,I'm not going to comment on that. Move him or home Ed as you will but actually it NOT normal and not ok to behave badly at school in any context.

If your son is G&T surely he can see that?

You can't just behave like a prat in the world of work because you don't like it much....

Why do people assume that kids who have high academic ability automatically understand the consequences of their behaviour?