Is it right to make our children study for GCSE'S?

[coolmom420]

I have a 15 year old daughter who is in year 11 and has exams coming up. My approach to parenting is quite laid back; I don't force her to do anything, and I make her feel happy and secure. I haven't ever pressured her into studying for exams in high school, as I feel that she is old enough to figure out what she wants to do herself. She is a smart girl, and does get good grades without studying, and I have told her that no matter what her GCSE grades are I will still love her, because grades aren't important to me. She also spends about 10 hours a day on the internet, on twitter, tumblr, and other sites. I never annoy her, I always let her do her own thing, as I am not that kind of parent. She never acts spoilt, and is a very well behaved girl.

I was just wondering what your attitudes to studying/homework and internet usage where? All ideas will be completely grateful. :-)

Tbh I'd be more worried about yourself. Not your dd.

Actually, my ds1 is one of those bloody irritating children who could get 11 b grades at GCSE without ever looking at a book outside school. Thankfully, he has now more ambition and knows with effort, he can achieve higher than that, get good a levels and go to a good uni.

I daresay in theory he'd quite like the idea of never having to look at anything more taxing than twitter. In theory. I guess that at age 21 with less than excellent grades, in a less than excellent job, he would regret wasting his potential

Luckily enough, that's what I am here for. Not to be his best mate, or to make him happy and stress free all the time. But to instil some values, some ambition, some recognition that if he applies himself he can achieve anything.

What a strange thread. Macdonalds beckons I think. What else could she be willing to do. Blimey - 5 hours sleep and you think that's OK. What is she doing on Facebook and the like for 10 hours!!

A low paid job where she has plenty of time for online stuff will I fear mean she will be living with you for a very very long time. She cannot afford to do otherwise

Maybe she just sees other benefits in parenting the way she does.
With those type of results she's too good for McDonalds
Who says dc have to do zillions of GCSE's they really aren't that important tbh [Message edited by MNHQ to remove reference to deleted post]

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"Who says dc have to do zillions of GCSE's they really aren't that important tbh "

It depends what the dc concerned wants to do next. For some GCSEs aren't important. For others they are vital.

curlew

Colleges and uni's only ask for 5 including Maths and English. You don't need so many.
Schools only have dc sit so many to give them a better chance and to choose their best results.
I have interviewed and accepted dc without any before now, its to do with their attitude to learning tbh.
Just because you don't have GCSE's doesn't mean you won't do well in life.
Anyway, the OP has given her dds results, they are very good.

Whether lots of GCSEs are important or not (and for most people with any sort of aspirations more than 5 are), a rounded education is important. While that could be obtained from the internet, it won't be from twitter and tumblr.

"Just because you don't have GCSE's doesn't mean you won't do well in life."

Of course it doesn't. But the path is generally easier with than without.

And try getting on to a competitive course at university with 5 GCSEs.

can I ask what you do for a living please op?

Sorry morethan but five GCSEs would be a barrier to entry to many courses at many universities.

My approach to my DDs studying has been quite laid back. I don't get involved with homework unless they ask, which is rare, usually to show me something they're proud of. But they know that they're expected to do it and they always have. DD1 did some revision for her GCSEs but I left it to her to decide how to go about doing it and how much time she spent doing it. I just made sure that the conditions at home were conducive to revising, so making sure she ate well, went to bed at a reasonable time, not having to do chores leading up to exams, etc. I've never limited screen time but the DDs have bed times on school nights. So far it's all worked really well.

I disagree with the OPs daughter being up so late every night and I think that our DC definitely do need GCSEs regardless of what they plan to do later on. But if your daughter is doing well at school OP, if she is going to achieve her GCSEs and the teachers have no concerns then I don't see a problem with the laid back attitude.

If I had a 15 yr old then I would want her to study, but only enough to get high grades.
Then, in her free time she can do what she wants. But I would want her chatting to friends, on line, spending time with mates, shopping, going swiping etc.
she isn't really spending 10 hrs? She can't be.

Swimming etc

I don't know how many hours a day my DDs spend online but I know that they do their homework, they spend time with their friends, they do stuff with me and DD3 and they generally float around the house doing other stuff, and we always eat together. They don't spend all their time alone in their rooms, there's no-one to bicker with in there

Surely some time between 4pm and 1am she gets off her backside to eat??!! And go to the loo? And stretch?! Sounds like she's sitting herself into an early grave, otherwise.

Can I just say that not having gcse's does not mean you don't have ambition, or you don't aspire to anything.
Not everybody wants to take a competitive course at uni, some competitive courses you would be accepted for without GCSE's, it depends on what you want to do.
You can be a teacher without any.
So the answer to the OP from me is
No it isn't right for us to make our children study for GCSE's.

morethan Of course GCSEs are not the be all and end all, shouldn't be anyway, though recent education strategies have let down those for whom vocational and other training will enable them to meet their potential doing jobs that society should value.

However a bright child spending 10 hours out of a waking 19 on a computer and only getting 5 hours sleep is most certainly not going to meet her potential in terms of getting the opportunities in life to use her ability, and quite possibly has a serious addiction, since it will affect her health, let alone concentration. I would be very worried if it were my DD, setting boundaries and possibly getting help.

I have never had to chain my DDs to their homework, they have done well whilst keeping up other interests, having boyfriends, a social life etc. We expect them to join us at family meals and occasions. In short we tried to make sure their lives were balanced. True they often do homework with Fbook etc on in the background but come exam revision time they both get their friends to change all their passwords. They are ambitious, love their subjects and are motivated to study them at uni. I have only ever encouraged them in their talents and interests, never made them do anything academically, and only stopped them doing things that were obviously anti social and would obviously harm them, such as banning them from joining the cool 14 year olds drinking vodka in the park. There is a world of difference between making them do GCSEs and complete laissez faire parenting that is damaging not just this DDs development and prospects but quite possibly her health as well.

Shooting

I agree with what you are saying and am glad that your children found a good balance. Only one of mine has so far and short of chaining him down it wasn't going to happen. He did his GCSE's and got C's when several of these could have been B's with a couple of A's. He was exactly the same for A levels, we tried everything.
I now believe that sometimes its just not what they want at this age irrespective of parenting. DC1 was fine and dd is only 10 so some way to go yet. It isn't just a case of encouraging them for some dc.
It is horrible to think that you have tried your best, done what you can, taken advice from professionals, offered support, backed off, been involved and everything in between and it have no effect.
It isn't worth it and in the end I'd rather have the philosophy of the OP, than feel like the failure I did.

"Not everybody wants to take a competitive course at uni, some competitive courses you would be accepted for without GCSE's, it depends on what you want to do."

Would you care to list a few of the competitive courses that you would be accepted for without GCSEs?

I agree that no everyone wants to go on to university, and GCSEs are not thefbe all and end all. But being in a position to do them, and capable of doing them, and not, then discovering a few years down the line that you have closed doors that you would now like to go through for the the sake of a bit of work at 15 is a very, very frustrating place to be.

Yes, if only so that she can learn that GCSEs shouldn't have an apostrophe.

morethan I have every sympathy. I was one of those intractable teens who underperformed at O level as it was then (I now realise I was dyslexic, my brother was diagnosed even then and all our children are, but my teachers put it down to laziness in spite of all my efforts, so I developed what they termed as "an air of insouciance") However throughout it all my parents hung in there trying to encourage and guide me and in the end it paid off and I got my head down in time to get to a good uni. All you can do is encourage and guide, and hopefully in the long term the seeds will have been sown. There doesn't seem to be much of that going on here though.

Absolutely no one on this thread has said that GCSEs are the be all and end all.

No one at all has said that those ten hours spent online should be spent studying.

However, it is utter stupidity to think this is a good idea and a good use of time. It is utter stupidity to think it's great parenting to allow it to go on.

morethanpotatoes, the difference is that you have tried leading the horse to water and the horse chose not to drink

that's fair enough

but the OP has already made the choice of not showing her dd the alternatives because she (the OP) has decided that grades aren't important

my dd has only achieved a handful of GCSE's due to ill health; I don't believe her life is over or that she will never be happy or successful

but I would not have felt I had the right to encourage her to get fewer qualifications than her friends if she had had the option

and I absolutely do think it was my duty to talk to her about the importance of hard work and overcoming difficulties

the problem is not that the OP sees many different alternatives to academic study- that could be brilliantly helpful

the problem is that she is teaching her dd not to make an effort at all

and that attitude isn't going to help her in any setting, whether academic or not

(BeckAndCall, there is a strong argument for putting an apostrophe at the end of GCSE's because it's a plural added to an abbreviation- this is a perfectly standard convention, like apostrophes put on plurals added to numbers: the 1400's)

You sound like my MIL. She also abdicated any responsibility for her kids once they got to secondary. Out of 4 children, all 4 have spectacularly failed to achieve (including my DH, who is now really bitter towards his mother and is desperately trying to make up the lost years and qualifications) just because MIL couldn't be arsed to fulfil her duties as a parent. At the time, DH thought it was great that his mum didn't hassle him and basically let him do (or not do) whatever he liked. Not so much now he has a crap CV, no qualifications and is unable to get a decent, well paid job.

OP, you're not cool nor are you fullfilling your duties as a mom.

You have essentially stopped parenting and are expecting a pat on the back (or a tennaged high five).

Grow Up.

Agree 100% with that poster. Seriously. It's not cool to try to be her 'mate' You're her mother. Man up and start taking the job seriously.

What wordfactory said.

It is also utter stupidity to suggest that 5 GCSEs is the most anyone is ever going to need.

Or to suggest that there is no chance a child might feel extreme regret if he or she discovers that doors are closed to them because they decided aged 14/15 that GCSEs were not important to them, or that 5 were plenty, and nobody made any attempt to suggest otherwise