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Secondary education

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Original poster

DD's mocks results are a disaster - what can I do now?

238 replies

Earningsthread · 18/12/2013 23:44

Art target grade A* - mock grade - A/B
Biology target grade A* - mock grade - C
Chemistry target grade A* - mock grade - C
English Language target grade A* - mock grade - A
English Literature target grade A* - mock grade - A
French target grade A* - mock grade - D
History target grade A - mock grade - A
ICT target grade A - mock grade - A
Mathematics target grade A* - mock grade - A
Music target grade A* - mock grade - B
Physics target grade A* - mock grade - D

This girl is talented. So talented that her English teachers in every year have told me that she is the most gifted student they have ever seen. But just look at those mock results. They are APPALLING. She is underachieving in every subject bar 2. What should I do? What can I do? There are only six months between now and the exams. The school thought she was an Oxbridge banker. I know my rebellious DD and knew she would not work. But there is not working and not working. THose mock GCSE results are appalling.

What if anything, can I do to help at this late stage?

OP posts:
RosesOnTheWane · 20/12/2013 17:32

Like Vanit as, my mock grades were as above and I got straight A's too.

Don't panic!

curlew · 20/12/2013 18:12

Does she know how important her GCSE grades are? Many don't, until too late.

lljkk · 20/12/2013 19:59

But they aren't that important, only for some people. Only to the very ambitious. That's what the OP's DD lacks: ambition.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 20/12/2013 20:04

Of course they are important. My DS needs at least B's in the subject he wants to do A levels in plus a B in Maths as he wants to do Biology. If he does not get this grades doors are already beginning to close. I have friends who would love to go to university but don't have their maths, English or science gcse's.

curlew · 20/12/2013 21:16

They're important if she wants to go to Oxford!

Original poster
Earningsthread · 20/12/2013 22:04

They are indeed important if she wants to go to Oxford. Her English teacher has been filling her head full of dreaming spires and whatnot. I do wish the blooming English teacher would tell her that she needs to deliver at GCSE level to have a prayer.

Anyhow, DD has told me that it is all entirely my fault. 'Oh' I said 'Where did I go wrong?' DD looked at me with a glint of mischief 'See, Mum, the Chinese have these Tiger Mums, and the kids are all so frightened of letting their parents down that they don't dare not work.'

So I told her that I am henceforth a tiger. She looked at me and said 'You couldn't be a tiger if you tried.'

Right. More pressure is needed, not less. I am a tiger.

OP posts:
fireandlife · 20/12/2013 22:18

They're fine. Mark my words - if all you say about her teachers' on going comments are true - she'll do very well indeed in the real things. Most pupils do badly in mocks. Relax and ALL enjoy Christmas!

lljkk · 21/12/2013 09:25

Lots of people say they want to go to Oxford, she won't be the first to entertain that fantasy. If she REALLY wanted to go, she'd be working for it. DD says she wants to be a famous actress; she makes almost 0 effort towards that end, but it's a nice thing to play at aspiring to.

FrauMoose · 21/12/2013 09:45

My daughter - currently in Year 12 is considering whether or not to apply to Oxford or Cambridge. I believe this is almost nothing to do with me. She chooses to work fairly hard and mostly I let her go on with it. (We encouraged to unwind a bit in the midst of GCSE revision last summer.) I go to parents' evenings, make encouraging noises and offer tentative advice if asked for it. She does sometimes talk to us about what she's studying. (Is there social commentary in 'The Importance of Being Earnest', why a political event might have unfolded in the way it did.) And we take part in those conversations. But that's the extent of my/our involvement.

wordfactory · 21/12/2013 09:55

I think how much involvement a parent has in schooling is different for each child. I have one twin who tells me the sqaure route of FA, another twin who disusses eveerything. In minute detail. All. The. Time...

Coveredinweetabix · 21/12/2013 09:58

How is your DD feeling about it? And what have the school said?
20yrs ago, I had similar results in my mocks and was appalled. I'd been predicted straight As (pre A* days) and got those in my mocks in everything other than the sciences where I got a B for biology (fine) and an E for each of Chem & Physics. I was devastated. My form tutor, physics teacher & head of science all made time to find me that day and the chem teacher & head of year the next day. All of them had the plenty of time yet/what went wrong with me chat. Like OP's DD my mocks had been before Xmas so I spoke to the teachers before the end of term & we came up with a plan and I worked hard throughout the Xmas hols and began to realise science didn't instinctively make sense to me like all the other subjects did at that stage. The teachers also focussed on me a bit more in the lessons to make sure I got it. I ended up getting straight As (and, down the line, into Cambridge as I wanted) but was relieved to not have to do any science in the 6th form. Looking back, I think the work I did over the Xmas and Easter holidays on those subjects was some of the hardest I ever did. And it made me work harder at the other subjects.
For me, it was a good & necessary wake up call. But it was me who wanted to get the grades (although with a careers advisor for a parent, I was probably more aware than some of the importance of GCSEs). I had a lot of support from school & my parents but I wasn't doing it for them but for me.
So, sit down with your DD, find out what she wants & then make sure she speaks to her science teachers & that they come up with a plan.

FrauMoose · 21/12/2013 10:02

I suppose the only other remotely relevant thing, is that I have said that until she has decided what she wants to study, it seems fairly pointless to decide which universities to apply to. Because the 'best' university for Subject A is unlikely to be the 'best' one for Subject B.

I have two stepchildren as well, and though they are quite different characters, I think my husband and I have had a broadly similar approach with all three of them. Trying to support and be there - ready to intervene if something's gone wrong - but leaving the children some space in which to work things out for themselves too.

curlew · 21/12/2013 10:02

I do feel like that woman who was a prophet and nobody listened to her.

Does she know - that means has anyone actually told her in actual words that if she wants to go to Oxbridge she needs all As- or at least practically all As?

There are not many other things you need all As for- people are right about that. But to have a chance at Oxford you do. And it is not being "over involved" to tell her.

Original poster
Earningsthread · 21/12/2013 11:55

Hello Curlew/Cassandra

DD is very well aware indeed that she requires all A or mostly A. I have been voicing this regularly and increasingly loudly. Don't worry, she knows what she needs to do. The unfortunate thing is that she shows no signs of doing it.

OP posts:
NoComet · 21/12/2013 12:01

She's 15/16 she already knows what grades she needs for Oxford.

Gentle reminders to turn of Utube/Dr Who and revise are one thing (I do a certain amount of this).

Nagging is quite another and liable to be very counter productive

lainiekazan · 21/12/2013 12:08

It's all very well some posters advocating that parents let the child get on with it, it's their life, if they show no ambition, blah de blah, but every child is different.

Some are motivated and self-sufficient; many are lazy arses or get badly sidetracked as a teen. I had laid-back parents. Never said a word to me about school. With hindsight, I wish they had given me a kick up the backside. I achieved well, but spent about 1% of my time on schoolwork or revision and 99% on boyfriends/pop music/reading stuff totally unrelated to the task in hand. Eg during my O Levels I became transfixed on the disappearance of Agatha Christie. I was down the library ordering books and reading up on this and making notes. During my O Levels!! Needless to say my results were patchy.

I trot out this tale to ds ad infinitum. It's not fun, it's exhausting, but sometimes it's a parent's job to nag.

BeckAndCall · 21/12/2013 12:13

Here another thought, OP - is she the type to visually plan? Maybe she knows what she has to do but doesn't know where to start?

For my 3 ( all different) they all need lists and priorities ( DS only recently so tbh, now graduated). But my 2 DDs ( one in yr 3 at a RG uni doing English, one waiting impatiently for a Cambridge decision - so I know what it's like to have clever kids where they are expected to get all A*s) - they need coloured lists and timetables.

At this time of year - 5 months out from exams - they would have some small goals for the holidays written onto a hand drawn timetable - so might be ' rereading all notes on x book, or do 2 practice maths papers - and they schedule them onto specific days. And as a matter of school routine they have week by week planners to keep track of homework, deadlines etc.

But as we get closer to exams, it gets very involved with colour coded activities and events, interspersed with revision sessions for different subject, starting off as general sessions about 6 to 12 weeks out from the start of exams then getting more topic specific as you get into the last 6 weeks of revision. If your DD sees things in either colours ( as one of mine does) or as a linear progression into the future ( as I, weirdly, do) this is a good way to chunk up what seems like a massive amount of work into something that you prove to yourself in advance is manage able.

Original poster
Earningsthread · 21/12/2013 12:54

Brilliant thought Beck! I mooted this with DD, and suggested that we draw up a revision timetable together and work on things together. She said yes (unusual) and then added that she'd rather I did this because she'd never get round to doing any revision if I don't stand over her and make her.

Righty ho. I'll do it. It's bizarre though. My parents never stood over me in this way and nor, frankly would I have wanted them to. When does this degree of support stop?

OP posts:
tiggytape · 21/12/2013 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bishbashboosh · 21/12/2013 13:06

I would be concerned too op and would arrange an informal meeting with school expressing your concerns

They'll be glad you are bothered!

basildonbond · 21/12/2013 13:58

Earnings - this was us with ds exactly a year ago ...

He did manage to pull things round a bit by working like crazy in the summer term of y11 (talk about leaving it to the last minute ..) but he didn't get the string of A*s he was so sure of

He has effectively closed the door on Oxbridge (was also considered a 'natural Oxbridge candidate' by his school) but tbh with his (lack of) work ethic it would be completely the wrong place for him anyway

Good luck with making revision timetables and standing over yr dd - we did all this and it made not a blind bit of difference - if you find a technique which works, please let us know!!

Tuhlulah · 21/12/2013 14:14

But if she needs to be stood over and berated by a tiger mother to make her do the work to get the grades she needs to get into Oxford -what then? OP, are you going to live with her in Oxford and stand over her then?

Will she be able to cope with the stress of being at Oxford? Is she up to it?

Original poster
Earningsthread · 21/12/2013 14:55

This is precisely my point. She argues that she is not remotely interested in most of the subjects she is studying at GCSE. They are painful. In fairness she does do well and self-starts with the subjects she likes. Which are English, IT and History. She promises she won't need me at A level, and I do believe that because she won't let me go near her in English and that is my own degree subject.

But you raise an interesting point. How many of us have studied for pointless exams that were painful? All of us, I am guessing. If she does want to be a lawyer (which is what she currently claims to want to be) then you spend years studying for pointless and painful exams. I am a very earnest mother but I am not proposing to stand over her for the next 7 years. There comes a point where you say 'it's up to you, munchkin' and hand over. I am guessing that point comes very soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
Earningsthread · 21/12/2013 15:06

And more to the point, if the holy grail is to do a degree in English, there are swathes of that degree that are dull and painful. Anglo Saxon, for instance. Beowulf. Pointless and painful. We all have to do pointless and painful things, don't we?

OP posts:
FrauMoose · 21/12/2013 15:17

Beowulf isn't part of the syllabus any more, though - both Oxford and Cambridge do require students to study medieval English. If Chaucer, Langland etc would be regarded as boring - then looking at other well regarded universities (UCL is hightly rated) - is worth doing.

But training as a lawyer is an extremely hard slog- and getting a training contract requires real tenacity.

Absolutely not for the fainthearted!