DD's mocks results are a disaster - what can I do now?

[Earningsthread]

Art target grade A* - mock grade - A/B
Biology target grade A* - mock grade - C
Chemistry target grade A* - mock grade - C
English Language target grade A* - mock grade - A
English Literature target grade A* - mock grade - A
French target grade A* - mock grade - D
History target grade A - mock grade - A
ICT target grade A - mock grade - A
Mathematics target grade A* - mock grade - A
Music target grade A* - mock grade - B
Physics target grade A* - mock grade - D

This girl is talented. So talented that her English teachers in every year have told me that she is the most gifted student they have ever seen. But just look at those mock results. They are APPALLING. She is underachieving in every subject bar 2. What should I do? What can I do? There are only six months between now and the exams. The school thought she was an Oxbridge banker. I know my rebellious DD and knew she would not work. But there is not working and not working. THose mock GCSE results are appalling.

What if anything, can I do to help at this late stage?

Does she know she needs all As (ish) for Oxbridge?

Actually the most positive thing she did say is that getting A* in all three sciences would be a breeze and that I worry too much.

I freely admit that I am worrying. But those mock results are not saying to me that getting an A in the three sciences are going to be a breeze. Apparently she has done 40% of her physics already and she has A for it and was the top of her year. Is that possible? I just look at the test score - which was lamentable. If she is going to breeze surely she would have breezed those mocks.

What do her teachers say?

We have a parents' evening coming up. Frankly every parents' evening for the past three years have made me want to cry. The conversations go like this:

English: She is the brightest student in her year, In fact she is the brightest student I have ever taught (three separate teachers, none of them new to the game), She has won the English prize every year.
French: She doesn't try, she doesn't listen in class, she is a pain
Sciences (all three): She could get A* if she ever did any work, but she doesn't
ICT: She will get an A*. She has won the iCT prize every year
Music: She needs to apply herself
History: She will get an A*
Art: she is good but she needs to paint. I bought her a set of paints. She won the art prize
Maths: She is disappointing. She might well still get an A* but she is disappointing. She never works

Music is not only performing but composition and some written part too.

My dd just got her mocks scores and we discussed what she needs doing in order to get better results.

I think your dd has to try to imagine herself how she is going to feel if she fails getting to 6th form due to poor gcse results in subjects of her choice. Would she be happy to swap subjects?

I hope she is right in saying she can catch up however studying for mocks saves time in long term

I've also heard that art is very time consuming etc

I keep telling my kids. Now is the time to get as high marks as possible. Also that they aren't likely to want to resit gcses in the future :)

You can't make her to do anything.

maybe she needs this lesson to work hard later in her a levels.

I meant in the sense that its much,much easier for young people to set up businesses now. Anyone with a laptop and half a brain can set a company up.
A good Uni qualification does not guarantee a good job anymore. It worked in the old days as only a small % of the population went to Uni.

Earning having read your latest thread, I think it's time to step away.

Your DD is lazy and arrogant (sorry, I know that's harsh). She doesn't work in term time. She didn't revise for her mocks and is refusing to do owt at Xmas.

With that attitude she is very unlikely to get the grades she is predicted and even if by some miracle she does, A levels just don't work like that. She certainly won't thrive in Oxbridge, where there is nowhere to hide .

No doubt you've told her, and clearly school have told her...and yet she remains convinced of her own brilliance . This is common amongst teens of course...

What you can do about it? Very little. Tutors would be an utter waste of money, I think.

All you can do is keep banging the drum that she is making a choice here.

As the teachers at DS school (absurdly selective) endlessly tell the pupils 'being clever on its own is without merit'.

Earnings- frankly those teachers' comments don't indicate that they think she's an "Oxbridge banker". Does she want to go to Oxbridge?

The music and language exams would have been listening ones and this is probably the 1st time your DD has sat them properly. School will be doing lots of these between now and May. Music is very hard to get an A* in btw even for a good performer.
I actually would be very concerned about the sciences. Even with limited revision an A* student would have been expected to score far higher. Print off loads of past papers and get DD to start doing them. Answers need to contain specific terminology.
Re physics - not sure if exam boards differ, but the course work/ Isa my DD has done is only worth 25% of final mark.

There seems to be an assumption that being a good parent means ensuring that - if our children show any spark of intelligence - they get:-

1. a string of A*s at GCSE
2. another batch of A*s at A-level
3. a place at a) Oxford, b) Cambridge or c) a Russell group university
4. is presumably something like a career in medicine, law accountancy or some other kind of supposedly secure high status profession.

I might go for something different. How about a secure and happy young person, with interests and the ability to connect with others in a positive way, who has the ability to earn their living and adapt within a rapidly-changing world?

Also op, make sure your daugter is aware that most of her exams will be in May not June!

frau ewhy on earth do you assume it's an either/or?

There are lots of young people who achieve their academic potential (whatever standard that may be) weho are also happy, have lots of interests, an ability to connect etc.

There are also lots of young people who do not achieve their academic potential and still aren't happy etc.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say that those of us who reach our potential are more likely to be happy conteneted bunnies . Obvious innit?

Earnings, It basically boils down to the fact that your DD is lazy I think she needs a good wake up call.

I would leave her to her own devices and let her fail her GCSEs (I know its hard) but she will have to find out the hard way.

1. Those results aren't a disaster! You are massively over reacting
2. They are actually very good considering - according to you and her teachers - she isn't working hard
3. You can't do it for her
4. There are always re takes

She sounds quite bored by it all IMO. Which is common in very able children I think. Stop berating yourself - and her - and relax. You are doing everything you can. The rest is up to her.

It is her life. Not doing brilliantly in GCSEs could be the best thing that ever happened to her, to save her from more wasted years.

She is, after all, quite capable of doing brilliantly, so now she needs to find the motivation. There's nothing more motivating than getting caught out and finally having something to prove.

Having read your latest update OP, I'm afraid I agree with word"s conclusion - she's lazy and arrogant and won't get 11 A*s, even if she's capable of them and there's very little you can do about it now - if you've heard the same reports at every parents evening and haven't been able to persuade her to change, it's too late now.

You don't get 11As by not working and not caring and there are no prizes for having 11As as targets - they're not even predictions.

Your DD's downfall is her attitutde and not her ability and as such I'd say yes, they are appalling for her - not for others, but certainly for her.

What to do? Other than showing her actual admission stats for Oxbridge ( where the average applicant - not entrant, applicant - has 8A*s) I'm not sure what you can do to demonstrate how important it is to try to achieve your full potential. Unless she wants it, a tutor will be a waste of time and money.

I think it can be an either/or wordfactory.

Sometimes teenagers are trying to tell us something. Such as. #I am not 100% committed to going down this path, which you - and the other significant adults in my life - are all trying to push me down.'

Shouldn't we listen?

The initial post was all about an 'appalling' set of grades and the parent's frustration that her daughter was failing to comply with what everybody else wanted for her.

It rangs alarm bells for me.

I was somebody who - via the aspirations of my school and my parents - got the right sorts of A-levels and went to the right sort of university. However because nobody actually talked to me or listened to me or was interested in me if I didn't say and do the right things, I turned out in many ways - to be a very unhappy young woman. There was a sort of emotional neglect and abuse (not appropriate to spell it out in much more detail here) which impacted a lot on the life I went on to lead.

I don't regret any of the things I did after university, even though there was very little material security and at one point I was homeless, and I also ended up getting really ill for a number of years.

But there's a paradox. I think that if people hadn't been so intense in the way that they projected their ambitions on to me and so detemrined to push me down a pre-determined route, I might have actually taken a slightly more conventional (and easier?) path.

No way those grades are a 'disaster', honestly get a grip. I hope your not like this with her or she's going to end up with horribly low self esteem

Congratulate her on the A's, give her some support on the D's.

I'm sorry about your experience frau but think you might be projecting here.

There's no evidence the OP's DD is unhappy, or has a burning desire to go down a non-academic route but her Mother will not allow it.

What we have here is a very bright but lazy kid. A kid who wants to do well academically, nay assumes she will do well academically, but simply can't be arsed .

As any teacher will tell you, this is a story as common as a cold, and every bit as bloody annoying.

And of course the OP and her DD's teachers are frustrated. Because let's face it, it wouldn't take that much effort to get her to where she wants to be. And it's probably not as if she's spending all the time she's saved not revising doing something life-changingly worthwhile.

She couyld easily be having a wonderfully full life and fitting in some school work. Easily. Lots of teens are doing this.

mew if you've read the thread, you will see that low esteem is not an issue with this young lady .

Can there be a difference between how people feel and how they act?! I was cocky when I was younger, but I was very insecure internally. Im not saying that's definitely the case here. Even if not it sometimes takes time to manifest. The more OP nags, the less her dd will want to work. I just think those are amazing grade and op needs a bit of perspective really.

What we have here is a very bright but lazy kid. A kid who wants to do well academically, nay assumes she will do well academically, but simply can't be arsed.

Spot on.

I kind of see it as my job to support her in whatever she wants to do, but I get impatient and intolerant of laziness. If the difference between an A and an A* is 10 hours of work, say, then I would always do that 10 hours of work and I can't really understand a mentality that wouldn't. I just don't get it and because I don't get it, I don't think I am providing her with the right kind of motivation - whatever that might be.

Earnings, apologies if I've missed it but I still can't see where you've said what it is that your daughter actually wants to do. Does she genuinely want to go to Oxbridge and become a banker?

Low self esteem isn't always obvious.

I have a very bright A predicted dd in Yr 11. She does work and mocks were all As with 1 A. Frankly I was delighted with that, though she wasn't. Dh and I put zero pressure on her because she does that herself fine and I prioritise mental and physical health above everything. If she doesn't achieve her potential SHE will be disappointed and I can help her through that. My concern is my child's happiness not grades on paper. I think you need to be careful OP. It would be very easy to alienate your child at this point. Sounds to me like she's bright but chooses not to apply herself. Well pk, she's 16 or nearly now. If that's how she is, that's how she is. You'd be best served loving what she is and supporting her as she is than nagging her in to being something she isn't.