DD's mocks results are a disaster - what can I do now?

[Earningsthread]

Art target grade A* - mock grade - A/B
Biology target grade A* - mock grade - C
Chemistry target grade A* - mock grade - C
English Language target grade A* - mock grade - A
English Literature target grade A* - mock grade - A
French target grade A* - mock grade - D
History target grade A - mock grade - A
ICT target grade A - mock grade - A
Mathematics target grade A* - mock grade - A
Music target grade A* - mock grade - B
Physics target grade A* - mock grade - D

This girl is talented. So talented that her English teachers in every year have told me that she is the most gifted student they have ever seen. But just look at those mock results. They are APPALLING. She is underachieving in every subject bar 2. What should I do? What can I do? There are only six months between now and the exams. The school thought she was an Oxbridge banker. I know my rebellious DD and knew she would not work. But there is not working and not working. THose mock GCSE results are appalling.

What if anything, can I do to help at this late stage?

""A good set of academics are becoming imperative if one is to have a life of meaningful independence."

Does this mean nobody will get a job as a plumber or an electrician or a carpenter in the next generation? Or merely that this isn't seen as meaningful? "

You have to have a decent set of GCSEs to get onto practically any sort of training course nowadays, frankly. "A good set of academics" might be 5 Cs for one person with one ambition, and 8As for another person with a differen ambition. Until she tells us otherwise, the OP's dd has an ambition which needs the 8 As. Telling her- oh, don't worry about it, you can always do something else is as bonkers as telling the kid whose ambition it so be an electrician that he needn't bother with trying to get a C for GCSE English because he can always do something else.

People on here go all weird when A*s are mentioned......

"Until she tells us otherwise, the OP's dd has an ambition which needs the 8 A*s."

Why? Surely, until she tells us otherwise we don't know a thing about the dd's ambition?

Or are we supposed to deduce this from the fact that her mother is a MNer?

I have not been saying "oh, don't worry about it". I have been saying "talk to your dd and find out what she wants". And "find out what happened and what she thinks she should do about it".

Cory- I was giving her the benefit of the doubt that when she said her dd was considered "an Oxbridge banker" that that was what her dd wanted too. I have asked several times whether that's the case, but no response- so can still only assume that to be true.

This statement
I have asked DD what she thought about her mock results. She laughed. She told me that mocks were ridiculous, she hadn't revised for any of them because she thought they were a waste of time.

gives interesting insight into logic of your DD
Is she perhaps thinking that the all teachers teaching GCSE's and also other students in y11 are idiots and she knows best?

She thinks she can swot it and get all marks as high as predicted.
Unfortunately exams mean practice.
I can only guess those are first exams she is (apart from music) taking in her entire life.
I can understand she isn't people pleaser but surely saying what she does shows she will have problem at Uni where consistency is important.

What does she want to do after school?

Does she realise that to get from D to A is not a piece of cake? As someone mentioned it is possible to improve by 2 marks which would take her to B.
She has to improve in 6 subjects which is just going to take many , many hours.
If she wasn't able to concentrate now how would she find motivation from January?

She just has to realise some opportunities don't come twice in life.

I haven't read all the thread so apologies if I'm repeating anything.

If your dd wants to improve her grades, get her the Letts revision and practice guides and start working your way through them.

I was kind of wondering the same as curlew in an earlier post if the breeziness is perhaps an attempt to cover up for panic. Had a friend who used to do that: under-revise so that underperformance would not be put down to lack of brains. Not a good idea, obviously.

Earningsthread Thu 19-Dec-13 23:25:13

"I'm not just worried that she is closing off doors in general. I'm worried that she is closing off doors that she professes to want to go through."

Just seen this. And take back my previous posts. If she professes she wants to go through these doors (for her own sake (rather than just agreeing with you), then that is where you have to start the discussion and that is a reasonable thing for you to do.

It might be worth pointing out to her that those of us who have children in Sixth Form report that there is a steep step up from GCSE to AS levels.

If she has something she wants to do, then that changes the whole situation and gives you a lever.

Yes, it's difficult to know if the OP's dd is supremely arrogant or masking her disappoinment or panic with a show of bravado.

If it's the second then everything's to play for, if the former, well... then the OP is probably going to get a full head of grey hair before the end of the summer.

I don't believe the OP's dd wants to go to Oxbridge. I don't believe she has any specific ambition. People with ambition do not behave like people without ambition. I believe the OP's dd has been told she has the potential to go to Oxford or Cambridge and that she would be letting herself down not to fulfil that potential. That is not the same thing at all as having that ambition for yourself or believing that your "potential" is pulling you in that direction.

frau I did not say people without a degree have no meaningful life experience. I said people on low wages have little meaningful independence.

I think the phrase was ""A good set of academics are becoming imperative if one is to have a life of meaningful independence."

Presumably a good set of academic qualifications, is what's meant?

The mock GCSE results, though uneven/and below predicted levels in some cases, are much better than many students would achieve. Many parents would be very proud.

They are also of a standard where - if the student goes on to take A-level results in subjects in which she is particularly strong - make it likely that she'd go on to get offers from good universities.

It seems terribly fearful to assume that a life of meaningless dependence will automatically ensue because one or two mock GCSEs are not quite as good as expected.

There's also the uncomfortable truth that although 20 or 30 years ago a degree might well be the passport to stable, well-paid employment, now there are many more graduates and fewer jobs. Plus student loans that need to be paid off.

It's a more complicated world, and we can't cling to our old certainties..

"It seems terribly fearful to assume that a life of meaningless dependence will automatically ensue because one or two mock GCSEs are not quite as good as expected."

Nobody is. However, what people are saying is that a life without achieving one of her current stated goals is inevitable if she doesn't do better than she has done so far.

Which is rather different. The straw armies are mustering!

"It's a more complicated world, and we can't cling to our old certainties."

We can about Oxbridge admission!

Fraumoose writes a great deal of sense! Listen to her. My sister never got less than an A - pre stars. Went to camb. Went to top job. Now a sahm (with children in teens) who can't get a job. There's some serious twisted stuff going on in her life as a consequence of her childhood experiences. It's almost as though she's doing this in defiance - controlling parents. Very similar comments to yours - I think they did not appreciate her successes. Don't do it op. Even if 'it' means pulling her up on bad grades - it's her life - support her but don't live through her. Meanwhile, I was happy go lucky and I had this ground out of me - was it worth it? Sure I too went to camb, but at what cost all this? Took me to age 32 to get past eating disorders - so so typical of the high achieving Oxbridge girls.

Well, there you are, OP. Damned if you do, or damned if you don't! Your choice.

Think suggesting "high achieving oxford girls" typically have eating disorders is a bit......

Curlew - were you at ox or cam? I ask because this was, unfortunately, my experience. I know SO many who were bulimic or anorexic, compared with friends from LSE where I went next.

And curlew, 'fraud that's the sort of thing my mother wld say! Actually, it's not so black and white - not saying damned if do or don't, saying support her! Sorry, this is touching a nerve - probab fraumoose relates ;)

Afraid, not fraud! Autocorrect joy.

Right so she didn't revise.
I would be a tiny bit concerned if she got those results after burning the midnight oil, but that is not what happened.
She now has a measure of what she needs to work at at what she doesn't. She doesn't need a tutor. Leave her to it.
DS1 got similar results in the mocks he didn't revise for and turned it into A*s when it mattered. A bright child can easily get top grades at GCSE without intensive coaching.
AS and A levels are different, work is required as well.

Yep, so much better for girls not to bother their pretty little heads with all this academic stuff- it's so bad for them.

There is no way the OP would be getting the same advice if she was talking about a boy. Absolutely no way.

Curlew, academic stuff is excellent. But what is not excellent is the degree of pressure to which both girls and boys are subjected.

GoByTrain - the key is, your sister never got less than an A. The OP's daughter could get As, but is actually getting much less. The OP isn't dissatisfied because her daughter isn't getting the grades, but because the DD appears to be lazy and arrogant, and doesn't seem to feel the pressure. (Obviously, it might be that she's too scared of failure to try, or some other reason, but we don't know.) We don't know if the OP is controlling, like your parents. All we know is that the OP is deeply disappointed that she feels her DD hasn't done her best, for whatever reason.

It might be that even with working the DD won't get A*s. But at least she will have tried. And whatever job you go in for - be it working from yourself rather than getting a degree, or working as a shop assistant - you need to try your best. Surely at the end of the day, we all want our children to try their best. Grade E is fine, as long as your child has tried.

And, incidentally, for every child who feels weighed down by pressure, there is another one who is so laid back they are horizontal, and would forget to revise unless reminded - my own DS totally forgot he had a GCSE language assessment coming up. Parents need the skills of Alex Ferguson to get the best out of their children, as they are all different, and not us.

"Too scared of failure to try" is well-noted Stroke. Children DO this. (Or I did.)

I did wonder if it was some form of self-protection - not bothering to work and getting bad results because she can honestly say she didn't do a stroke of work. It's possible.

She assures me that she wants to go to university and that she wants to go to the best possible university for her. If this is true then she is approaching things all wrong.

Well, OP, your question is one of the most popular in this "tumbleweed" section of Mumsnet, so it must have struck a chord with us all. If you think it might be self-protection, I would sit down with her and discuss whether this is the case. You could talk about the weight of expectation, and how the people who succeed are not those with natural ability, but those who work hard. There's no shame in trying, but "only" getting a B. Obviously, you need to listen to what she says, and not mention you hope she gets A*s or sits Oxbridge, but just that she does her best.

Our school recommends Carol Dweck's book on mindsets on just this subject - the importance of working hard rather than natural ability. I bought it but never had time to read it, so don't know if it's any good!