DD's mocks results are a disaster - what can I do now?

[Earningsthread]

Art target grade A* - mock grade - A/B
Biology target grade A* - mock grade - C
Chemistry target grade A* - mock grade - C
English Language target grade A* - mock grade - A
English Literature target grade A* - mock grade - A
French target grade A* - mock grade - D
History target grade A - mock grade - A
ICT target grade A - mock grade - A
Mathematics target grade A* - mock grade - A
Music target grade A* - mock grade - B
Physics target grade A* - mock grade - D

This girl is talented. So talented that her English teachers in every year have told me that she is the most gifted student they have ever seen. But just look at those mock results. They are APPALLING. She is underachieving in every subject bar 2. What should I do? What can I do? There are only six months between now and the exams. The school thought she was an Oxbridge banker. I know my rebellious DD and knew she would not work. But there is not working and not working. THose mock GCSE results are appalling.

What if anything, can I do to help at this late stage?

Presume you have checked her friends' results, sometimes schools mark hard to chivvy kids to work harder.

I never managed to make my teenage study. They would disappear upstairs but be messing around not studying. Sounds like there is a lot of pressure on this girl to perform and she is perhaps rebelling. One DD was a people pleaser and did v well (but wasn't interested in Oxbridge) but not due to my nagging, off her own bat.

Tutor is a good idea as they, DCs, hate the extra work and do it to get finished and away from tutor ime.

She will probably get into a reasonable uni of her choice and do well in a subject of her choice (ie not one chosen by her DM).

Try and find out how much of the science syllabus they have actually covered and also what her friends got.

is it too late to opt for double science ?

You do realise that Oxford and Cambridge will be more interested in a level results than gcses? And those mock results are very, very good - If she improves on those, as I'm sure she will, that will be fine.

I really, really hope you did not use the word "appalling" in front of your dd. She must be very intelligent and hard working to even get those grades, she doesn't need bashing.

You really need to take a step back and let your dd lead the way. There is absolutely no good pushing your dd to revise and achieve top grades if her heart isn't in it. Not everyone that can be academic wants to be. Be careful or you could really damage your relationship with her.

I was the top kid in school. At one of my parents evenings my head of year told my mum I had the potential to be one of the top women in the country. I went on to win a scholarship (fully paid) to a top school to do my a levels (from a normal state school).

I applied to Oxford. My mum was so excited, I would have been the only one from my family who went to university. I was accepted into oxford, ucl, Kings college and so on.

And you know what.... I was desperately unhappy. I hated the pressure of it all. I hated all of it. So after a lot of soul searching I turned all of of the offers down and went to work,full time. I feel even now my mum is deeply disappointed for me rather than loving me for who I am.

I still had a good career- I ended up a senior marketing manager earning a very high wage, working alongside the kind of people I would have graduated with.

However, I still wasn't happy. I just don't enjoy being around people and work. So with the support of my dh I am now a sahm! We manage on dhs wage, which is minimum wage and we have two dc. I have never, ever been happier. Honestly. I have no pressure. No stress.

Don't pressure your dd. It's her life. Let her make her own decisions. Academia isn't everything.

My ds 2 mates who were by far the brightest and highest achievers at exams etc both haven't gone to uni and have literally fallen at the last hurdle due to pressure.

Just a small point of clarification; Oxford do base much of their offers on GCSE results. As do Bristol and others . Cambridge less so, but then they make A* Alevel offers which are another sphere of stress IMVHO.

I can understand your concerns, to an extent. She is obviously very capable and probably just hasn't bothered enough. I would be frustrated too, but don't panic.

It's ok to tell her you think the results are disappointing, but I do sincerely hope you've not gone overboard on the APPALLING schtick. These are the mocks (and GSCE mocks, not even A levels). They are a practice run. This is the opportunity to make a mess of it and get a kick up the backside. Giving her a hard time will achieve nothing and quite possibly even backfire. You've said yourself she's rebellious so don't give her anything to rebel against.

And, as an aside, it is worth considering whether these dreams of Oxbridge (and banking??) are really your dreams or hers. Be honest. The brightest girl in my class at school (the days before A*s but predicted fabulous grades, Oxbridge and a glittering career), dropped out due the pressure and now, 20 years on, has nowt but a cleaning job and a drink problem. It can, and does, happen if the pressure is turned right up.

That's interesting wordfactory- things must have changed since I applied then because when I had my interview at Oxford they said my gcses we fine and they never really put great emphasis on them anyway as a levels generally show a better overall picture of a candidates attitude to work and their aptitudes.

I achieved 8 a*s at gcse, 1 b and 1 c (c was in maths, I have dyscaluclar so it's amazing I even got that to be honest!) I then achieved AAAB at a level - pyschology, english, politics and history.

I think it's really sad when parents put so much pressure on their dc.

I have a dd aged 11 and she is middle of the road in everything (year 6 and level 4/ low 5) and she enjoys school and is happy. That's enough for me. I help her if she wants me to but I never push her.

I understand the pain, OP.

But they are mocks . Plenty of time.

Ds had to take four GCSEs early in year 10. He seriously underestimated what was required in terms of work and did not do very well. He was absolutely gutted and went to bed for a day when he got his results. I had to fight to keep a sympathetic grin plastered on my face because, yes, we all live a little bit vicariously through our dcs and because of those results a couple of doors have probably closed.

But onwards and upwards. Or even just onwards. My eldest sister was a stellar scholar and did very well. Middle sister, following two years later, flunked her O Levels because she'd seen the whole circus surrounding her elder sister and just couldn't be arsed.

You can lead a horse to water and all that.

My mock results were similar (although I'd already done maths and was then doing additional maths). I got 8A (no A* in those days) and 2B in the real thing. I didn't do much work between outside school wither.

You do nothing. It is up to your dd to bring up the grades, this is what mocks are for.

Ii keep reinforcing the message to ds and dd that a brain is not enough . Good brain = good. Hard work = good. Good brain + hard work = excellent.

There are legions of us out there (and probably masses on MN) who have founf this to our cost.

They are not appalling- BUT make sure she understands that if she wants to go to Oxbridge, particularly Oxford, she needs all As with as many A*s as possible. Because that's the first sift, sadly, these days. Not room for the quirky genius any more!

As others have said, remember that these grades mean nothing. They are mocks. They are designed to help show a student where their weaknesses lie so they (and their teachers) can help fill in the gaps before next year.

Freaking out on your DD's behalf won't help - she will either panic too and get all stressed out about her real exams, or completely switch off. Just stay calm and try to subtly encourage her (easy to say I know).

We don't know whether the OP was putting pressure on her DD before the results. Perhaps the DD thought she was going to sail through, and didn't, and the OP was complacent as well. I think we all project from our own experiences here. All we know is that the DD underachieved. Can she do better in the actual exams? Of course she can. If I were the OP, I would sit down with DD and see what she thinks.

Sometimes, if children have always done well with a minimum of effort, they then struggle when they have to work. If she has always been praised for being clever, she may not want to apply herself, as she may fear she will still fail. She'd rather not work and fail, than work and risk getting "only" As and Bs, which would expose herself as not being the clever girl everyone thinks she is.

Or perhaps she's lazy or arrogant and this has come as a nasty surprise. Whichever way, the OP needs to get on the same side as the DD, and work out a strategy together to sort it out, with DD suggesting her own ideas.

Incidentally, in my DCs' school, the initial GCSE predictions are based on the CATs scores in Y7, so getting all A*s isn't necessarily an accurate prediction.

I might be bothered about the physics- a D there suggests she doesn't "get" it.

But it does also look as if she hasn't done enough work- the subjects where she's done well are the subjects where brains and bluff can get you through and the ones where you actually need to know stuff have gone less well. But there's still time.

fairy I don't want to give the impression that the GCSE grades are the only important factor.

Not at all.

But they are the initial sift. They feel the corrolation between good GCSEs and degree result is a strong one.

Oxford interview fewer candidates than Cambridge, and make fewer offers. But those offers are often lower than Cambridge. If you've made it through the sift and the interview, they pretty much want you.

Cambridge however interview a lot of candidates, and make more offers (statistically speaking), but those offers can be very high.

If one of my DS had achieved those grades I would be extremely proud!!!

but I would get a science tutor!

I presume she must have stopped working/revising and without that she's not going to get the A*.

Some children are capable of A* without any extra work due to a combination of intelligence, hard work and being able to answer exams well.

For this massive drop in some subjects it would indicate that she's been working very hard to be A* standard.

It seems that she just didn't study for the mocks.

I think the science results are a bit odd for someone choosing triple science. Even without much work I'd expect at least all C's. OP what were the Summer exam results and course work results?

What is your DDs reaction to her results? Is she upset?

The problem with bright children is that they find everything easy therefor never have to put in any effort its only when they get to GCSE/A level that they realise that brains alone wont get them the A*

And as for pressure. Please don't assume everyone feels like you. Your DD may not.

Many high achievers sail along quite happily. My own DS is positively horizontal.

We don't kbnow that the OP's daughter feels any pressure to perform. Whatsoever.

And I don't thik we can blame the OP too much for feeling peed off. Her daughter is capable after all.

If the predicted grades (A* for everything) are a fair reflection of her ability, you don't need a tutor.

The thing is that if you are predicted an A*, GCSE's aren't that hard.

Buy her the Letts revision guides, and tell her that's all she needs to know - it's all in there. You could also print out the syllabus for the exact exams she is doing.

Then (and this is the bit that was never explained to me) explain that, actually, GCSEs are quite important. And make her feel that she can do it - I don't think letting on that you think her mocks were a "disaster" will help (and I think you mean 'mildly disappointing' rather than "disaster")

She needs to find her own way to learn if she's going to do A levels and further. You just need to give her the tools and the confidence.

Speaking as the mother of a child who was predicted A and A* grades throughout secondary and ended up with a handful of A-C grades due to stress-related illness, I would say the important thing is how you handle it now.

First of all, deep breath.

Then try to assess the situation. Are these grades likely to be due to laziness, panicking, not having done all the work yet or simply having had overinflated grades in the past? Each of these scenarios is going to need a different approach so it's important to stop and think before you wade in.

There is no point in us MNers trying to tell you what has happened based on our experiences with our own children. You need to talk to your dd and encourage her to come up with a plan. Try to use calm, unemotional language as much as you can: teens can be very sensitive to anything they see as overreaction. Put the ball in her court as much as possible: what do you think happened, what are you going to do, what is your plan now.

Does she want to be an Oxbridge banker? Is is possible she felt the school had her future all mapped out for her without consulting her?