Light dawns! I have realised why DS1 got such dire GCSE results

[ormirian]

DD has just started yr 10 and she is working hard most nights. Her work is neat and as far as I can see to a high standard.

DS1 at this stage was more into his XBox and playing his guitar. GCSE revision consisted of my buying revision handbooks for him to stare at them for hours until i tied him to the chair and went through them with him. Homework, when the teachers were unreasonable enough to insist on it, was scribbled and rushed. I naively thought that he was doing more in school.....

Hey ho. We live and learn. DS2 is not going to have such an easy ride.....

oh dear... you don't realise with your first do you.
I think by the time you are year 10 though, you should be responsible enough to manage your own homework/ revision.
There is only so much we as parents can do..

What is ds1 doing now?
My dd1 struggles in school, she will do homework wrong rather than ask for help, and I have to ask and ask if she has any, she doesn't like me nagging her and tying to help.

Well yes that's what I thought too - he is old enough to look after his own work timetable. Ha!

He's doing furniture making at college and enjoying it. Plan is to do it to level 3 and then try to get onto a course making musical instruments... but we'll see.

that's great that he is doing something he is enjoying, and that he has a plan.

I never knew what I wanted to do at school (still don't!). And nobody ever really talked about it (school or parents), so I never did anything! I find in schools now, they talk about different careers from an early age and start them thinking about what things they are interested in and what they could do for a career.

If you could go back in time, what would you have done differently?

I'm interested because DS1 is just starting his GCSE courses and is one of those who tries to get away with minimum effort.

My DS year 10 teacher Called me today.
Guess who's not been doing his homework in enough detail.
Guess who's not been handing in his homework.
Guess who's not playing Xbox.
Guess who's been bloomin nieve in thinking he is responsible enough to do the right thing.

,

Ah wakeupandsmellthecoffee.... I wish someone had told me that. Things is he WAS doing his homework just the very barest minimum. They expected him to get a slew of Cs - so I guess whilst he was looking like he was heading for that they didn't worry. And he got them for science and maths - just not English.

What would I do differently? Just check and double-check what he was doing, how he was getting on, look at his homework every day.... the thought of that makes me blood run cold TBH. I will have to do that with DS2 as he is cut from similar cloth.

Thing is I was like DD. I just bloody got on with it. it didn't occur to me not to do it and do my best. It never occurred to me that I would have to stand over my teens to make them do school work. naive? Yep

Knew I'd spelt naive wrong .Lol.So blooming annoying there you are in blissfull ignorance thinking all is going well.
How stupid was I .How could I drop the ball like this .
I checked what homework needed to be done on the school internet system.And when it needed to be in .What I didn't check was the school behaviour section with your own child's misdemeniers shown .To be fair to me in years 7 8 and 9 he got NO red slips .In year 10 we are now at week 11 I think and he has got 5 already.
Let this be a warning from a former SMUG mother.

Don't panic. He's now learning a skill. If he moves into instrument making and is any good at it, he'll be in demand. However, this is going to take time, lots of time.

Support him all the way, he is actually very fortunate to be doing something he genuinely loves and is interested in, with transferable skills, as opposed to being shoved through the sausage machine that is AS/A Levels - interesting but useless degree - no job.

Some boys are like that, getting them to do homework and revision is hard work. Just bear in mind that sitting staring at a revision guide is the least effective form of revision, and after a short period a waste of time. In my subject, anyway.

The trouble is, kids pick up unhelpful messages from school over the years they spend there. All too often the messages are that learning should always be easy and fun, that "rote learning" is boring and unnecessary, that you learn best when working with a group and spending half the time chatting rather than on your own, that textbooks are dull and to be used as little as possible, that homework isn't really important (i.e. it is badly thought out and either not marked or marked cursorily) etc. etc. etc.

Schools should be setting small but REGULAR pieces of homework from Year 7, so that there is something to work on every day (though always with at least 2 days deadline to allow for after school activities. That would allow parents to help their kids develop regular work habits well before it starts getting critical in year 10. Habits are important when it comes to working hard and doing well. But this is well-nigh impossible when weeks go by with almost no homework.

Kids also need the opportunity to work out what revision methods work best for them before GCSEs start, which is why schools should be giving them tests and expecting them to revise for them seriously, as well as getting them to practise different revision strategies.

Totally agree with Kesstrel

I think there is only do much you can do as a parent. I have seen about 9 teens through their GCSEs and they are either self motivated or not. You can take away the x box, tv eyc bug I have had teens who will stare into space rather than revise. My current 15 year old was offered £30 a week if she handed her homework in regularly by her social worker( she is fostered) and she still does nothing. My last one passed 13 GCSEs despite missing 5 years school. I find the most successful ones are those that have a goal - a career they have plans for. Sadly lots don't at 16. Also if you control them through their GCSEs they then often rebel at A level or uni. Several of my GCSE failures went on to do really well in the college environment or when they got jobs. I think parenting works better long term when you are interested and supportive rather than restrictive.

Thank you Parsnipcake, that's really wise advice. DS1 really wants to be a primary school teacher, so hopefully that will help to motivate him.

I take my hat off to you, Parsnipcake! I take it that most of the teenagers you've seen through their GCSEs were fostered - I have huge admiration for people who do this. Thanks, on behalf of all the rest of us, for the difference you've made to these young people's lives.

I agree with you about the control. I'm thinking of someone I know with a delightful child who is not a natural academic. The family has paid a small fortune on this young person's education. The GCSE results were OK but not stellar. The AS level results were a bit disappointing. The A2s were better enabling the YP to leave home and have an absolute ball during the first year at university. Unfortunately work did not feature very much once away from the parental beady eye, and the YP failed the first year and failed the re-takes. The parents are beside themselves. The YP in question would probably have been a lot happier doing something more hands on in the first place. Square peg, round hole.