Daughters anxiety about school

[CezzaPutney]

my daughter gets really anxious about school. It is causing her real upset and I find it hard to know what to do. She is at a good comprehensive, but she gets really anxious about bad behaviour and teachers having to shout and tell kids off. I think she would have anxiety about this at any school. Any advice? Any recommendations for therapists to help her?

I think your first port of call should be the school, via her Head Of Year. Therapy is a bit 'labelling' as a first step, and could reinforce that there is really something to worry about. She might just need a bit of extra pastoral care.

My dd is only 8 but last year she was really anxious about other people being naughty and being told off. She had a lovely teacher who wasn't shouty. In the end she went to see a councillor about it and she taught her some strategies to help her manage her anxiety.

She still hates moral peril and panics when she's watching tv and people are breaking rules or doing the wrong thing.

We have tried to get her to relax about things at home but it's tricky.

What year is your DD in? If in year 7, could this be a settling in issue? Does she cope or appear to cope in school?

I would also contact the school and see what they say. Start with the person with responsibility for pastoral care. This will vary depending on your school. It might also be worth contacting the SENCO as their might be resources in school that she could access. My school run sessions on coping with anxiety which are predominantly for children with SEN, but other children can attend if they are anxious.

Thanks for the messages. She is year 8. I will talk to her head of year, although it's hard as she is one of the teachers she feels anxious about, as she is very shouty.

Could she have some time not going to school?

I was anxious like this and it was awful.

Thanks. I feel like it would be a slippery slope if I kept her off, but maybe it would give her some one on one time, and feel special?

I'm just aware that having a secure 'hiding place' can make people less anxious. Would maybe flexi schooling for a while help her to rebuild her confidence?

The school might be able to organise a secure hiding place. They probably do have a quiet room where students can work when they don't feel up to the classroom. Could your dd have an exit pass? I would contact the school's pastoral support officer and see if anything can be done.

OP you're right to think that time off school is a bad idea. I'm a CAMHS practitioner and we work with lots of children who have school related anxiety, and we'd never recommend keeping a child in that situation off school unless they are simply incapable of attending. The reason for that is if we are anxious and avoid doing the thing we are anxious about it just confirms and makes worse the anxiety.
What I'd suggest is a combination of close working with the school - ask for a meeting with head of year, pastoral staff and your daughter and look at problem solving any specific issues your daughter might have in school - and supporting her at home by encouraging her to manage her anxious thoughts and feelings. There is a good book available for parents of anxious children that I always recommend - i'll check out its title and get back to you.
If the problem continues or gets worse you can consider talking to your GP to request referral to CAMHS.

The book is called 'helping your anxious child, a step by step book for parents'
Hope that helps.

I - I have a daughter who suffered from anxiety/panic in YR 10 and 11 - a dreadful time for all of us, so would urge you to listen to all the advice, especially from Selks so that the situation for her does not get harder.- talk to as many people in the school as possible, and if necessary get some CAHMS intervention. We had support from them throughout and they were utterly brilliant, we would not have got through these two critical years with out the help and guidance they offered.

At my son's school there is a chillax type counsellor who is on hand supposedly all the time to offer children help and support at break, lunchtimes or whenever - it is the pastoral support which may be of help to her at this point. It is however, the nature of those needing 'counselling', that they find it hard to ask because they are not in a good place themselves. Knowing that you are there for her is critical, but you will feel better and more able to deal with this construcitvely if you are supported yourself. Good luck!

Thanks everyone - it has made me feel more confident having read your messages. My daughter may well see a councellor in school, which the head of year is arranging. My daughter is worried she is now going to be branded weird as she is seeing a 'therapist', but has agreed that its a good idea to meet the ladty once, and then I hope this will show her that (1) she is not going to be branded weird, and (2) talking this through with someone really will help. I will get that book - thanks.

Another thing - I may be barking up the wrong tree here but she will also be full of hormones, period ready to start (if it hasn't already) and everyone around her changing too. Just another factor that won't be helping the situation.

Hope she's okay. I'm hating being a mum at the moment. x

Manic street preacher, you are so right. No period yet but definitely nearly there with quite obvious monthly lows and tummy aches... I know what you mean, things are hard