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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Is this normal in a state secondary?

28 replies

FredWorms · 26/09/2012 22:18

DS is Y9, and often comments on the amount of "snogging" that goes on at breaktimes. He said today that one girl in his year with a Y11 boyfriend was getting particularly into it and they were "making noises and writhing about, she was kind of climbing on him".

DD has just started Y7, earlier this year in her previous school she was turning cartwheels on the grass, laughing and playing - now she comes home and reports in disgust about all the tongues.

It just seems so sad, somehow. Yes, I'm sure I'm being naive and they have to grow up sometime and blahblahblah but is it normal to have all this fevered snogging? I can't say I remember it back in my day (which was, admittedly, some time ago now). I realise the teachers can't be all eyes but it just seems to be accepted. Surely it should be discouraged at school?

OP posts:

Original poster

FredWorms · 26/09/2012 22:19

I've just read that back.

I sound hilarious.

I'm going to have to change my name to Mary Whitehouse or something.

OP posts:

chocoluvva · 26/09/2012 22:29

The snoggers are showing off to the others.
I agree it's a shame. They probably don't do it so openly when they're a little bit older (hopefully).
The older ones probably think this is very immature behaviour.

chocoluvva · 26/09/2012 22:35

You're quite right though. It's sad when your DCs are exposed to less than innocent behaviour. It's the swearing that gets to me.
(I think it is normal for a school. DD's one-of-the-best-state-schools-in-scotland-secondary has this too. DD doesn't approve. She is very discreet with her BF).

TalkinPeace2 · 26/09/2012 22:46

School discos at public schools used to be known as "cattle markets"
where large numbers of hormonal teenagers are gathered together ....
snogging at morning break is more to shock than anything else.

Original poster

FredWorms · 26/09/2012 22:48

Thanks choco. I don't want to have a word with the school and then be laughed out of town

How bloody awful though. It's just such a massive change for the poor li'l things. I remember DS being shocked because all of a sudden he couldn't "play" at break time, he just had to stand around trying not to get noticed/bullied.

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mummytime · 27/09/2012 07:22

From what I've observed and my kids say, not too much snogging goes on. Certainly no more than my day.
Teach her to say "Get a Room" loudly or even sing that annoying American song.

But hormones can run high during the teenage years.

Brycie · 27/09/2012 07:28

I don't think you're being naive, obviously children will do what they do but schools don't have to facilitate snogging and tongues, it shouldn't even be allowed in school in my opinion! Our school has just started a no boygirl touching rule. I've complained to a school before about snogging. I don't that that attitude of "oh what can you do they're growing up".

Brycie · 27/09/2012 07:29

I've just realised that excalmation marks do make posts look very Mary Whitehouse but I must stand by everything I said. I think it's worth saying something to the school.

DoIDare · 27/09/2012 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/09/2012 07:43

One of my schools used to ban PDA (public displays of affection) I love that acronym!

PropositionJoe · 27/09/2012 07:59

My kids' school bans public displays of affection, as kitten says. It's not appropriate and it is showing off. The school shouldn't allow it.

Startailoforangeandgold · 27/09/2012 08:02

DDs bunch got forbidden from discussing BFs and GFs stuff in Y6 because they kept falling out.

webwiz · 27/09/2012 08:04

I don't think it goes on in my DCs school even the sixth formers manage to rein it in as it isn't considered appropriate. But there is a huge amount of hugging between everyone - saying hello hugging, I'm not going to see you for one lesson hugging, its lunchtime hugging and saying goodbye hugging. This starts between the girls in year 7 and the boys join in from about year 10 (they only hug the girls though not each other). I think the fabric of the school would collapse if they insisted on no PDAs!

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 27/09/2012 11:29

when dd was in year 9 they had a year group assembly about 'PDAs' too, to stamp on this kind of thing.... I think it worked, and afterwards if anyone spotted you holding hands they would shout 'PDA!'

Year 9s need acceptable behaviour reminders sometimes, they can grow up a bit too quickly even for their own liking!

Brycie · 27/09/2012 12:00

webwiz I agree, what's with all the mwahing and kissing and hair-stroking between girls?! it never went on when I was at school!

LemonBreeland · 27/09/2012 12:03

I don't remember it being an issue when I was at school. We just didn't do it. I do agree that the school should ban it though as it is inappropriate behaviour for school time.

schoolchauffeur · 27/09/2012 12:21

DD's school has a technical ban on PDAs as well. I say "technical" as it is enforced slightly randomly but I think sensitively ie bit of a blind eye turned to a bit of snogging in corners at discos etc ( esp in 6th form). But she has been politely reminded that hand holding is not strictly permitted ( as she and bf were walking around campus one saturday afternoon)!!

But I think the kids just don't do "playground snogging" and those that have bf/gf are usually pretty discreet- certainly a Y9 rolling around on top of a Yr 11 would get you in serious trouble!

Original poster

FredWorms · 27/09/2012 14:40

Hmm. I may mention it to the school. It just seems wrong, somehow.

DCs are giving me a picture of incessant wanton rolling and groaning, it can't really be like that, surely?

Oh, how I do wish I could be a fly on the wall!

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meditrina · 27/09/2012 14:49

There was a no-touching rule when I was at school. So of course you became skilled at working round that trifling, unfair obstacle.

But most of the year group weren't doing what my peer group was.

Within the school there will be a range of attitudes and and actions. I hope you DD can steer her way to a congenial group who are as uninterested in snogging as she is. There isn't much you can do about the time she spends in school, but if there are friendships/activities you can encourage outside school hours to foster her having a non-snogging peer group then that can only help.

Original poster

FredWorms · 27/09/2012 15:47

"non-snogging peer group"

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SecretSquirrels · 27/09/2012 17:18

Definitely not allowed at my DCs school.
DS1 was outraged that he had been threatened with a letter home to parents for holding hands with his girlfriend (that is truly all they were doing). I told him I agreed with school and it was inappropriate.

EndoJ · 27/09/2012 17:21

no heavy petting

Tortu · 27/09/2012 19:14

Yep, another one to say that sounds a bit over the top. I have seen children holding hands or giving each other a quick peck goodbye, but have never seen snogging!

Coconutty · 27/09/2012 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaureenMLove · 27/09/2012 19:25

I love that the fact that you all know that it's not allowed at your lo's schools! Is there a policy written for it or are you just assuming it's not allowed?

It's horrid to see and I certainly stop and give a stern talking to students at my school, but it does happen!

We had two students, yr10 and yr11 permanently excluded about 4 years ago, for actually having sex on the school field!

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