Need advice - teenage DD going downhill at school

[MissConstrued]

I need advice please. My teenage DD who is 14 was doing really well in first 2 years of secondary school then suddenly over past year she has taken a nose dive. I blame her socialising too much and social media like Facebook/BBm etc as she is always on these. We sat down and had a good talk about it all and when she went back after summer she agreed that she appreciates this is an important time in schooling and will knuckle down and study more. We then got a letter home for her being detained at school due to failure to do homework. So we grounded her as punishment. We talked about it again and she was sorry and promised never to lie about not having homework and to hand it in on time etc etc. Now even after all of these promises i have had another letter home, same subject, same thing not handing in homework.
I need advice, as my last punishment never worked what would you do?

Hi MissConstrued, I feel this problem is also heading my way! Not had any letters home yet but I have warned my DD that if there are any problems with this type of thing then I will take her phone away until homework is complete. Perhaps that sort of thing may help with your DD.

When my elder DD was about 14 we had a similar problem. We just took the laptop and phone away and switched off the internet during the times she was around unless she needed it for homework. If she did need to use it, she sat at the table in a position where we could see the screen. We would also check her progress at intervals of half an hour or 20 mins and if she had only written one sentence ask her why!

It is tough. But the internet is addictive and they need help to cut down.

she has just come in and i've confronted her. Got all of the usual excuses about how she got the day mixed up and it wasn't her fault. It's wearing a little thin now. I've told her she needs to get her head out of the clouds and start concentrating in class. I've noticed that there is a trend for children to "tweet" while they are in class. I've seen her tweets coming up having conversations with her friends who are also meant to be in class at that time. I feel this is to blame for her not paying 100% attention in class and that led her to write down wrong deadline.
I've grounded her again, amidst a lot of protesting, and have removed all internet contact for now. I'm actually considering contacting the head teacher of the school to raise the issue of phones in class, as i feel they are a major distraction. They are told not to use them but are clearly ignoring the rules.

Oh and thanks for your replies. Just noticed I went a bit mad with the word "class" there

Exchange her phone for one of these. It's a phone, not an all-purpose entertainment device.

andimac sometimes the simplest plans are the best. i have extra handsets like this hanging around. I can just imagine her face if i offer her one of those instead of her Blackberry but maybe that's what she needs.

I'd certainly use it for grounding purposes. Might teach her to appreciate it and use appropriately when not grounded.

think you need to go talk to school about tweeting in lessons, in my DCs school phones are not allowed in the classroom and if you are caught with one then you get a detention.

Get her to hand over all electronic devices when she gets in and don't hand them back until all homework is done, check her homework diary and look through her notes. Maybe speak to her tutor and ask for you to have a copy of what homework she should get on what day. Explain to her that if she can't be trusted to do it by herself and act like a mature child then she will have to go back to being a baby who has her whole life controlled

DD1's school suggest we look in their planner every day. Form tutors are expected to keep an eye to make sure they are actually writing stuff in the planner too.

Of course if they don't/won't that's another battle/word with the class teacher.

Good luck, I don't think you're alone.

Read this It's a very quick, simple read but has loads of ideas in it. Some of it is a bit heavy handed, but lots of it involves helping your teenagers to get inspired by life and dreams and the possibilities that await them out there. I've used some of her techniques on DC and they responded really well.

Don't you check her planner?