Is everybody happy with their choice of a NON-selective secondary education over a selective one?

[AdventuresWithVoles]

Genuine question.

mother - My DD's school is replacing the skirt with a pleated version so it will be more difficult for the girls to turn it up. The other day I noticed some girls from another school and their waistband was almost up to their armpits :) I'm guessing these are the girls that don't know how to reduce hem lines :)

No. I said I was basing it on my experience of how selective education works in our town. I formed my judgements well before my ds was even at school at all. And I did not say people looked down on the high school kids.

You still haven't explained how you can allocate school places based on an exam with a pass mark, about which the words pass and fail are used, and yet ensure that the children who don't reach the pass mark somehow don't think at any level that they have failed.

A feminist HK? What, you mean the HM spits and mutters 'prick' every time a dad walks pass? :o

Er...show me a comp where the girls don't roll their skirts up and tend to experiment with hair dye.

Most children who don't pass tests that matter notice and feel shit, pooshtun. That's why it is utterly crap to have a system that makes children do tests that matter at 10. Their parents, if they are good parents, then have to pick up the pieces, which is what I suspect seeker is doing now.

Er, no, the female head teacher says, quite explicitly, that this is a school which is 'feminist' in the way that it supports and educates its students. Which, given it is single sex - and especially given that many parents, including me, would ideally prefer a coeducational school - is particularly welcome, IMO. I said upthread it was all-girls.

Oh, I agree, bunny. There just seems to be a lot of particular tutting about skirt lengths with this lot. No idea why.

She sounds wonderful MI.:)

You mean if you got your wish and your DS went to a comprehensive complete with all the clever kids that would have gone to the GS then your DS would not feel a failure because he couldn't break into the top set.

We can rehash all the arguments that have been made several times in past threads and I'll still won't understand why you would want to thrust your son into a system where there will be a lot more kids above him academically. I mean, you've already said he has self esteem problems.

PooshTun- you have really surpassed yourself this time! Where on earth did I say that ds has self esteem problems?

DD goes to a very academic girls only school. I don't think that the HM there would consider herself a feminist simply because it was a all girls school.

seeker - you generalise about how kids that don't pass feel like failures because the exam results says they've failed. Your son didn't pass.

Are you now saying that your son doesn't feel like a failure and is therefore an exception to your generalisation?

I am seriously considering this.

DS2 has always been seen by his school as grammar school bound. And it seems to be assumed that he would stroll in. So we bought some 11 plus preparation papers etc and found that hmm he doesn't really seem to 'get' the style of the 11 plus papers.

I don't really mind tbh whether he goes to the grammar or the local comp. The schools are different and both have pros and cons. BUT I hate the process, because while I now I won't mind if he fails the bloody exam I also know he would mind. So I have no idea what to do tbh. He's had a bit of a tough year socially (being smallest boy in the class doesn't help), and I don't want what confidence is left to be destroyed by bloody 11 plus.

So don't know what to do tbh

Oh ffs, when a head teacher says "this is a feminist school" you tend to think - well, I do: perhaps I am over-literal and blinded by principle, of course - that err, this is a feminist head teacher. (I blame the state school English teachers who taught me to analyse text, obviously.)

I grew up in an area with the 11+ for all, and the pass/fail thing was absolute. On the day the results came out, the last year of primary divided and those who passed could no longer associate with those who failed.

I had the unfortunate experience of being the only child from a large council estate who passed. My life became horrible. No friends at home; I was a snob. No friends at school, because I was council scum. By the time I was in year 9, I was truanting more than attending. But as the Grammar didn't have a truant problem, no action was taken (which at the time I thought was brilliant). I spent most of my schooldays hanging out in the bus station cafe with some 'colourful' characters and learnt lots of things I hope my DCs don't!! It was years later when I went back into education and went to uni. From the educational studies I have read, my situation was not unique.

Where I live as an adult, there are no grammar schools, but I could easily imagine that this is still situation in places today.

seeker - you and I are going off topic again. Let's agree to disagree and leave it at that.

Happy to disagree. Not happy to be misquoted, deliberately misunderstood and taken for a fool.

@saintly - We started DS on mock papers during the Easter break in Year 5. He scored 60% in his first attempt. By the time the exams cane round he was scoring an average of 90%.

The first two months are the hardest but then it just clicks so hang in there.

And don't listen to those who tell you that if he needs tutoring to get in then he will struggle once he is in :)

And delighted that there are now people on this thread who appear to understand and write normal English!

Perhaps you would not pass an emotional intelligence 30+ test, pooshtun, if you can't understand why it is nasty to keep making digs at someone whose son has recently not passed an exam that is considered important in their local community.

p.s. feminism is not about be3ing rude to dads.

I think you should send him to the comp, jj.:) Politically. But also emotionally and rationally unless you are 99-100% sure that he will pass. He sounds sensitive and lovely and that will mean he will probably feel awful if he fails. Plus I beleve that he will do very well at a good comprehensive and have a great time.

I think we have been through it all before!

At a comprehensive-with all the DCs-you wouldn't feel a failure if you were not in the top set because next year you might be in it.

DS1 started the comprehensive in the 3rd set for maths and by the end of year 7 was in the top set-and stayed there. Had he failed the 11+ he would have been in the top set to start with and could never have gone any further.

p.s. poor you creamteas. Sounds awful.

A feminist HK? What, you mean the HM spits and mutters 'prick' every time a dad walks pass

Is that actually what you think a feminist is, pooshtoon?

And don't listen to those who tell you that if he needs tutoring to get in then he will struggle once he is in

Another reason for not having the exam-if you have to tutor to get a place and then they don't struggle -then a huge number of other DCs would be capable.( I have known DCs struggle-you can't generalise.)

scummy - I am not making digs at a boy that has failed

Seeker generalises about how kids that fail to get into the grammar school are made to feel like failures. Seeker then goes - well, I not saying that is how MY son feels and I am NOT saying that he has been made to feel a failure. I'm just generalising about OTHER people's children.