A classic variation on that 'Come Dine With Me' favourite, 'Eton Mess':
Scattsville Mess
Serves: No-one
Ingredients
1 Inept Secretary of State for Education
17 Governors, preferably of the 'ignorant' or 'busy-body' variety
6 or 7 Suits - leave shiny skins on
100 Teachers and Support Staff (try to get a variety in terms of ripeness, quality doesn't matter)
800-1000 pupils
A generous splash of bile, for flavour
Preparation Method
Boil the Suits in bile and allow to simmer gently until they rise to the top
Add the governors and Secretary of State, bringing to the boil
Fold in the staff and pupils until the mixture takes on a dense, impervious texture
Prepare a baking tray, preferably dilapidated and out-dated, by lining it with common sense-proof policies
Spoon the mixture into the baking tray and cook at a tepid temperature until the whole thing sinks to special measures.
More on school dinners from Crapteacher here