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Original poster

Special request for a day off refused

119 replies

triplets · 13/01/2012 23:26

Am I wrong to be so disappointed and upset? My trio are in yr 9, have at the most an average of 1/2 days off sick in a school year. The school have said no taking children out of school for holidays. Their father has ad vanced bowel/liver/lung cancer and we get the dreaded next scan result on the 26th. It is the kids 14th b/day on the 27th and I had a phone call from my niece to say Center Parcs had some good offers on for their b/day w/end, they had just booked and it would be nice to meet up. I went up to the school and spoke to a receptionist who said she was sure it wouldn`t be a problem, but best to e-mail the head and explain, they are fully aware of their Dads illness. Three days went by and no reply, I checked with CP and there were only 2 villas left so I went ahead and booked it. This morning I phoned the school and managed to speak to the heads PA, she said there was a letter in the post to me saying that they could not allow it, they understand our special circumstances but could not make an exception for us. I was so upset and said could they not take into account our childrens excellent attendance, the fact that I could have done what I know many parents do and call in sick? We cannot go away at Feb half term as one of my boys has an important dental appt one of three which cannot be changed. Also my husband is being scanned every three months so we are never now able to pre book say for Easter or the summer holidays, everything we do now has to be last minute. No insurance company will cover him and we are so stressed it just all seems unfair! Sorry to rant just feeling fed up!

OP posts:
bkgirl · 15/01/2012 13:08

Listen honey bunch, you and your husband GO and GO GUILTLESS. Darn well enjoy your holiday and get it in perspective. Your time together is so immensely valuable, so extremely precious to all of you. Take lots of photos and you all can treasure them. As for your husband give him a great big hug and believe me in time to come you will all be wondering why the heck you were concerned about this. Give that husband of yours a big cuddle as well! :)

mouldyironingboard · 15/01/2012 13:30

Your children can catch up on work that is missed but they can't go on another holiday with their Dad if his condition gets worse.

My EDD had to redo a whole year at university under similar circumstances, as she missed exams to be with her father. You are only talking about one day of school here.

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/01/2012 13:52

i wouldnt think twice about it in these circumstances. go and enjoy. nothing will happen, she just has a box to tick, you have bigger things to worry about than her ticky boxes!

go and enjoy. have a good time.

MaureenMLove · 15/01/2012 14:06

Tell DH he can either go in the morning and take the wrath of the Head and feel guilty OR go in the evening and take the wrath of the whole of Mumsnet!

No brainer really, innit? GrinWink

Go. Have a wonderful time and make lots of lovely memories. Head teacher has to be seen to be doing and saying the right things, especially if they are still in special measures.

Friendlymum67 · 15/01/2012 14:21

Please go!! Time together with their father is 100% more important at this time, than 2 days of school!

ScorpionQueen · 15/01/2012 14:45

Please just go, you all deserve a nice time. One unauthorised absence is nothing to worry about (I am a teacher btw). If you really want to stick to the rules, put a written request in to the governors. I am shocked the request was refused, tbh, maybe the head didn't realise it was you? These are extenuating circumstances and compassionate leave should be allowed. I hope you have a lovely time.

bkgirl · 15/01/2012 17:14

"put a written request in to the governors." Excellent suggestion ScorpionQueen and of course as she says please go.

mumblecrumble · 15/01/2012 17:22

Yep, agree. I teach kids in 6th form and I';ve been in this situation. We heartely encouraged them to have family time.

Do put in a written request to governers and even see the head in person as I suspect your DH would enjoy holiday more if he had school's belissing.... but if not bo anywaya dn enjoy.

Original poster
triplets · 15/01/2012 17:26

Thank you all, the support on MN is amazing! I have decided that I will phone the heads PA in the morning and say we will be going and do I need to put it in writing to the governors. Dh is still worrying himself, the last thing he needs, already worried enough about his ct result. He wants us to meet them half way, to pick the children up on Frid and go. Of course we could but its a shame for them as we won`t poss get there until about 7-7.30pm and then its the unpacking, taking the car back etc on their b/day evening. If that makes him happier though we will. What a bother! It would all be forgotten very quickly I am sure, he is such a worrier!!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 15/01/2012 17:34

don't you dare go on the friday morning

go on the Thursday evening instead then you really will ahve all of Friday

and enjoy yourselse :o

Original poster
triplets · 15/01/2012 17:42

:o

OP posts:
Hollyfoot · 15/01/2012 17:50

My DH is an ex chair of governors. His advice is to make an appointment to go and see the Head to get this sorted (especially if your DH is worried). He suggests not involving the governors as firstly this is a day to day running the school issue and also, as the Head has already said no, the governors would be put in a difficult position and may not be keen to be seen to go against the Head's decision.

And have a wonderful time on your holiday (from the Thursday onwards Grin )

yousankmybattleship · 15/01/2012 17:55

Definitely go and sod the Head. Your family are the most important thing and these happy memories will sustain you in tough times. I'm sorry you've been given this added stress. How unfair!

Kbear · 15/01/2012 17:56

Ring up on the morning and say they are all sick. Then it will go as authorised absence. Go. Do not give this another thought.

AllPastYears · 15/01/2012 17:58

I've always thought I would never take my kids out of school for a holiday - but in your case I'd definitely make an exception. Take your holiday and don't worry about the school. Try not to talk to your DH about the school problems, just go and enjoy yourselves.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 15/01/2012 18:12

Triplets - another one here adding to the chorus of GO!

I work in a primary and part of my role is attendance. Do not worry about going when they have told you that it's unauthorised. I'm actually a bit annoyed on your behalf because even with the OFSTED issue they absolutely CAN take your circumstances into account. The law allows the head/governors to make exceptions; she decides what is an exceptional circumstance and it is bad practice to have a blanket 'no' policy.

Enjoy yourselves.

TalkinPeace2 · 15/01/2012 19:58

Which hours have you paid for at CP?
Go, use them.
Have no guilt at all
important family time is a greater learning experience than ANY non exam day in any school
You are at no risk of fines for a single long weekend

Oh, and have a bottle of fizzy for you and DH just because
ENJOY

sleepymum50 · 16/01/2012 11:44

i think you should go and not feel guilty for the following reasons - you spoke t the school and were given reason to believe it would not be a problem. You say you then emailed the head and waited three days. If the head was going to refuse he should have emailed you sooner. sending a letter does not show any urgency - especially if you explained about CP. Perhaps hes not that worried but has to be seen to be sticking to school rules.

There are some nasty bugs around it it wouldn't surprising if all three of your DC's went down with it at the same time - say around the 27th.

Bramshott · 16/01/2012 11:50

Seriously - it's not in their power to "refuse" your children a day off. They only have the power to say whether it will be an (increasingly rare) authorised or unauthorised absence.

All the very good reasons why you were considering taking them out of school on that particular Friday are still there now the school have decided it will be an unauthorised rather than authorised absence - just do it!

TheWisdomOfSolomum · 16/01/2012 11:55

Go! Go! Go!

Sweetpea5 · 16/01/2012 12:02

Most definitely go! I hope you all have a fantastic time :) Enjoy every minute!

Slambang · 16/01/2012 12:09

triplets, the school gets penalised if they let you out on a 'jolly' however extenuating the circs. I got turned down by my secondary school for a family wedding and got strong hints from them that they would be happier if we phoned in sick.

So lo and behold, my dcs all got a mysterious illness on the wedding day and had the day off no questions asked. No problems.

If it was me I wouldn't tell them that you are going against their veto because that makes things much more complicated for them and you in regards to taking unauthorised absence.

Diahorrea is a good one! Wink

Bossybritches22 · 16/01/2012 12:20

Have a nice long w/e and don't worry about going to see the head , she will only have to get all official with you & I'm sure she is secretly hoping you'll just GO.

These are precious times for you all as a family whatever the outcome.

Fingers crossed for the scan results xx

Original poster
triplets · 16/01/2012 14:46

Just to let you know I have just emailed the head to let her know that I am disappointed with the schools decision etc and that we will be going...................my dh is going to be cross with me ..............so I won`t tell him.

OP posts:
MrsKitty · 16/01/2012 14:47

Good for you! Hope you have a lovely time.