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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Special request for a day off refused

119 replies

triplets · 13/01/2012 23:26

Am I wrong to be so disappointed and upset? My trio are in yr 9, have at the most an average of 1/2 days off sick in a school year. The school have said no taking children out of school for holidays. Their father has ad vanced bowel/liver/lung cancer and we get the dreaded next scan result on the 26th. It is the kids 14th b/day on the 27th and I had a phone call from my niece to say Center Parcs had some good offers on for their b/day w/end, they had just booked and it would be nice to meet up. I went up to the school and spoke to a receptionist who said she was sure it wouldn`t be a problem, but best to e-mail the head and explain, they are fully aware of their Dads illness. Three days went by and no reply, I checked with CP and there were only 2 villas left so I went ahead and booked it. This morning I phoned the school and managed to speak to the heads PA, she said there was a letter in the post to me saying that they could not allow it, they understand our special circumstances but could not make an exception for us. I was so upset and said could they not take into account our childrens excellent attendance, the fact that I could have done what I know many parents do and call in sick? We cannot go away at Feb half term as one of my boys has an important dental appt one of three which cannot be changed. Also my husband is being scanned every three months so we are never now able to pre book say for Easter or the summer holidays, everything we do now has to be last minute. No insurance company will cover him and we are so stressed it just all seems unfair! Sorry to rant just feeling fed up!

OP posts:

OneLieIn · 14/01/2012 13:01

Go, don't worry about it.

Write to the head too telling them you understand their policy but absolutely cannot believe the total lack of flexibility, lack of kindness and heartlessness they are showing. They are absolute twats for treating you like that

CecilyP · 14/01/2012 13:17

They couldn't make an exception for you! Why on earth not? Yes, I would be tempted to reply in the way suggested by OneLieIn.

Please go and enjoy your break for the full time that you have booked it. And don't waste a single second of it in feeling guilty.

JWIM · 14/01/2012 14:35

Another Governor - in our school the 'unique and exceptional circumstances' would prevail and a day's absence approved. I too would say go and have some family time together. If you feel able I would also write to the HT and ask them to discuss the approach taken with the Governors to confirm that there is no flexibility should a similar request occur in future for another family.

MOSagain · 14/01/2012 14:43

Agree with others, just go. School being very unreasonable in my opinion.

Which CP are you going to? We went to Elvedon last week and it was fabulous. Hope you have a lovely time x

ragged · 14/01/2012 14:47

Sorry you are going thru this Triplets. I remember you on MN from way back.
Agree with everyone else, blow off the school. They should be more sympathetic, but their loss. You mustn't let them bother you.
Your children's education will not suffer for this absence, and that's all that should possibly matter from the school pov.

SauvignonBlanche · 14/01/2012 14:52

Just go!
Don't call in sick just don't call at all, it will be unauthorised but there will be no sanctions.

ProfessorSunny · 14/01/2012 14:56

I am so glad that you have decided to go. Good luck with the scan results.

Mabelface · 14/01/2012 14:58

Trips, inform the school that you're taking them out anyway, you were just being courteous asking permission. 1 day will not harm their eduction in any way, shape or form and your DH shouldn't feel at all guilty.

philmassive · 14/01/2012 15:00

Go regardless. Call in sick. Have a lovely time together as a family and don't give school a second thought.

It is a shame the Headteacher is an idiot but that's his problem not yours.

Have a fantastic break!

Trizelda · 14/01/2012 15:02

That's ridiculous. Families by us take weeks off to visit family abroad. Go anyway and take absolutely no notice.

mamalovesmojitos · 14/01/2012 15:03

Go. Enjoy! Do not feel guilty. I think the replies here have been unanimous in support and you know how rarely that happens on mn .

tethersend · 14/01/2012 15:03

Even the teacher who did not authorise the absence would tell you to go (off the record , of course ).

Have fun.

Rosa · 14/01/2012 15:05

Go and enjoy......

Catsmamma · 14/01/2012 15:09

our Headteacher once said to me "I am afraid I cannot give you permission to take the children out of school!" ...family wedding down south, overlapping the easter holidays

I said, "I wasn't asking you for your permission, merely informing you they would not be in" ..her face was a picture :D and not a word more was ever mentioned.

Always remember they are your children, you are IN CHARGE!

and have a lovely time. x

CailinDana · 14/01/2012 15:09

The headteacher has to cover his/her arse by saying no. They will secretly hoping that you go anyway. If you don't go, the HT will feel like shit.

KatieMiddleton · 14/01/2012 15:09

Go. No need to feel guilty about jobsworth bureaucracy. Don't give it a second thought Mr Triplets.

Have a wonderful time.

SecretSquirrels · 14/01/2012 15:18

triplets - under those circumstances you should go and for goodness sake don't feel guilty. The head is being unreasonable, he does have discretion in exceptional circumstances to allow absence and IMO he should have said yes. No action will be taken against you or the DCs for unauthorised absence of less than 5 days.
Your DH and your children need this and the benefits hugely outweigh a short term time absence.
I would not take mine out for a holiday just for cost or convenience but I did take them out for 2 days for a family trip when my father was ill. He died a few months later and we have happy memories of that weekend.

4madboys · 14/01/2012 15:19

yes GO and do NOT feel guilty!!

i never understand how these things work tbh i have a friend who takes her kids out every year in early january (missing 5 days of school each time) to go skiiing! they apply and seem to get it allowed.

i took ds2 off school for a day last week to go and visit my sister and new baby nephew, his teacher agreed with me that it was a nice opportunity for him to have some one on one time with me and ds2 thoroughly enjoyed going by train/tube/tram etc. i checked what work he had missed but he didnt need to do anything to catch up.

we have taken ours out of school to go the cornburry music fesitval, we wrote, explained what it was and why we were going and they were fine.

my dps job means it is very hard for him to get time off in the school holidays and sometimes the only time we get to go away is by going in term time, we often do a few long weekends instead of one big holiday and the schools (primary and high school) have so far been fine with this. they are allowed to allow it for exceptional circumstances or because of a parents work commitments.

go have a lovely time and i hope your triplets have a fabulous birthday :)

Solo · 14/01/2012 15:25

Triplets I would also echo everyone else, but please read this and perhaps check somehow that you aren't going to end up with a massive fine before you go. I have heard of fines being £1000 in some cases.

PandaG · 14/01/2012 15:37

I never approve of taking time out of school for a holiday, but in this instance, please, please just go, and enjoy the family time.

Do not feel guilty.

exexpat · 14/01/2012 15:43

Solo - the law says parents are only fined if children have been absent without authorisation for at least five whole school days, and the fine for that is £50 per child per parent. The OP is only talking about taking one day off so there is no way she can be penalised unless she does it four more times this school year.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 14/01/2012 19:08

What heartless bastards! Go in the morning and sod them! Memories are much better than a disapproving glare from the headtacher, cos they won't be able to penalise you. Except for an unauthorised absence which in your case means nothing.

For all us MNs, go Friday morning!

SecretSquirrels · 14/01/2012 19:11

Just spotted that you were planning to go after school on Friday.
Please go in the morning.
This is more important than school.

Grockle · 14/01/2012 19:23

Bloody hell

Just go. I'm appalled at the school & I'm a teacher. DS's school authorised me to take him out for 1/2 a day to go camping (it was our only holiday together but no extenuating circumstances)

canyou · 14/01/2012 19:27

Go, take the Friday and the Monday, they can catch up with the work later on. Take a camera and make some lovely memories of your DC birthday

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