Special request for a day off refused

[triplets]

Am I wrong to be so disappointed and upset? My trio are in yr 9, have at the most an average of 1/2 days off sick in a school year. The school have said no taking children out of school for holidays. Their father has ad vanced bowel/liver/lung cancer and we get the dreaded next scan result on the 26th. It is the kids 14th b/day on the 27th and I had a phone call from my niece to say Center Parcs had some good offers on for their b/day w/end, they had just booked and it would be nice to meet up. I went up to the school and spoke to a receptionist who said she was sure it wouldn`t be a problem, but best to e-mail the head and explain, they are fully aware of their Dads illness. Three days went by and no reply, I checked with CP and there were only 2 villas left so I went ahead and booked it. This morning I phoned the school and managed to speak to the heads PA, she said there was a letter in the post to me saying that they could not allow it, they understand our special circumstances but could not make an exception for us. I was so upset and said could they not take into account our childrens excellent attendance, the fact that I could have done what I know many parents do and call in sick? We cannot go away at Feb half term as one of my boys has an important dental appt one of three which cannot be changed. Also my husband is being scanned every three months so we are never now able to pre book say for Easter or the summer holidays, everything we do now has to be last minute. No insurance company will cover him and we are so stressed it just all seems unfair! Sorry to rant just feeling fed up!

I meant to say all of you will remember this weekend but 10 yrs from now if you do not go you will not remember what you did and your DC will def not remember waht they did on those two days at school.

As everyone else has said just go and have a lovely time. I don't agree with term time holidays, but If ever there was a case for an exception, this is it.

I'm normally very much against term time holidays but please, go.

Adding my voice to the unanimity here - GO! And write strong words to the school about their lack of compassion and their insane inflexibility. Sure, education is vital, but some schools have overinflated ideas about their own importance. I'm astounded that anyone could possibly think school should win out in this case; the head must have a heart of stone.

Go and don't feel guilty. Its only 1 day for gods sake. It will go down as an unauthorised absence but that won't affect your children, it just effects the school's attendance rate. They should have authorised it.

As a teacher I am telling you to just go. The Head is covering their own back re:attendance figures and clearly hasn't an empathetic bone in their body. 1 days schooling (6 hours lessons) is nothing in the grand scheme of things compared to the lovely family time you will all have together.

GO! And don't think twice about it! Head is being an unbelievable arse. Far more important for you all to have a break and spend some time together.

This happened to me - my dd was a bridesmaid for my brother in America and my family were all going and my Dad was very ill. We went even though they said it would be an unauthorised absence and there were no repercussions. I think the school have to toe the line regardless due to regulations.

Another vote for just go
When I had my dd report it showed one days unauthorised absence. They had sent the report on Friday, so I was worried all weekend end. There was nothing in diary about her been off sick etc..
On questioning the school on Monday I was told by the ht "oh must have been an admin error, don't worry!" and that was that
Your not really going to allow your family (and you) to miss out on order to tick a box are you??

I feel overwhelmed by all your lovely words of support. To be very fair to the head teacher she is a very nice lady and I recently found out we have alot in common. The school failed its Offsted last June, the then head instantly left. A special team was called in to turn things around and have been given two years to do it. The new head is part of the new team. In Nov we had parent/ teacher consultations purely for yr 9. Harry wasnt feeling well so I went armed with my appts, 20 teachers to see over 2 hours! It was chaos for me, teachers were running late, they were dotted all over the school building, it was impossible to be in three places at once. When I finally got to see one of the maths teachers she spent a good 5 mins talking about one of my boys, how he had just clicked with his maths and gone up a whole level, then said he was capable of achieving more if he wasnt so talkative in class. I stopped her, said I just couldnt believe his maths had improved that much and also that although he can be a nightmare at home I know he is as quiet as a mouse at school. Are you sure you are talking about my son? No she was not!! So after almost three hours, I walked out. I then made an appt to see the new head, explained to her how frustrated I was with the consultations, that the system just doesnt work for me. She agreed, was horrified about the maths teacher and said she would have a full report on each child sent to me in the post, which she did. Whilst there I also said that I was pretty sure that some of the teachers still did not know their father was very ill, as at one of the consultations James English teacher said that James had been very tearful for no reason and he had to learn to control his feelings. I asked when that was and then said,"that was probably because his father had just come gome from hospital after having a lung tumour removed". I then felt very tearful and told her that this year is a year I have been dreading, not only because of my dh, but that my three will be 14, and my first child died when he was 14 of a sudden death which is still unexplained. She then had tears rolling down her face and said.."I lost my daughter, she too collapsed and died instantly, she was also 14". It was awful, I felt so terrible, for her, for me. So I suppose what I am wanting to sy is that I think she does feel badly about this, she is a kind lady but has to be seen to be making no exceptions because of Offsted., as you have all said. My dh is now very worried about the whole thing.

Please just go and all try and enjoy yourselves. The HT is clearly sticking to Ofsted rules but that isn't your problem.

I have to agree with everybody else and say just go. I don't normally think taking your children out of school in term time is a good idea but in your circumstances I don't know how anybody would refuse. Indeed, my DC school has a complete embargo on term time holidays but even they would allow this sort of thing - the head as said as much.

Don't feel guilty. If anything is said (and I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't - the HT has to be seen to be applying the policies but might well turn a blind eye to the event) maybe pile on the guilt on the headteacher and ask them how they would feel if they found out that they had ruined the last holiday you might have as a family. But I am sure it won't come to that because there is no point. What can they do?

If it makes you feel better, make an appointment and explain you understand about the whole ofsted issue but you are going anyway, you may find unofficially she is more supportive.

Oh just read your last post so me making the HT feel guilty seems a little unkind. Still, I just don't see how she can't use her discretion regardless of Ofsted. What are they going to do? Fire her and shut the school down? I don't think so.

I think the HT has done exactly what has been suggested, she has to be "seen" to not support any kind of absence bar a child's dire illness, and like others have said she probably has a completely different personal opinion.

As an aside, I don't understand the whole "asking permission" thing. The way I see it, I'll TELL the school what's happening with MY child, I don't need to ask anyone's permission.
We had kind of similar circumstances a few years ago due to family illness-and my eldest maybe missed 2 school days per year, I wrote to the school to advise that she would be absent for a day and never heard anything back

I will admit it here as I know it cannot come back to bite me I hope When we got custody of our 3 DC things obv did not go smoothly and we needed time to establish ourselves as a family, I got a DR note/sick note for the eldest two DC I think it was stress entirely believable and we went away to just spend time together and have some fun. Entirely wrong, unethical etc but much needed by our family Would your GP do it for your DC? It might help not add extra stress to your DP and help the school statistics,

Go and have fun.
Ds is yr 8 and has just come back from Oz, allowed 5 days absence...the head said what a marvellous opportunity.

Just go. The head is acting on instructions, which I am sure will include discretion for special circumstances, and taking them too far. The absence will be for three children (so six days altogether to be put on the absence tally) and this may be partly what is influencing the head. Also, there may be families in the school whose children have a poor attendance record and the head has perhaps picked on you to take a hard line because you did the right thing and notified the school. Please go - in your circumstances it is vital that you have family time together. Good luck for the scan.

Absolutely disgusted OP. Agree with others and JUST GO. I have posted before about wanting to take holiday in term time (nothing like your circumstances) and me being threatened with a fine and/or jail. Was told no although dd has 100% attendance etc. Friends with poor attendance etc taking time off with nothing said. You and your family need this holiday. Is there not anything at the school regarding special circumstances and "respite" situations like at dd's school?

My kids school has a no-authorised absence policy except: educational reasons and I guess funerals. However I have taken one child out unauthorised and heard nothing further from the school.
In your circumstance I'm sure if necessary you could get a doctor's note, as it will relieve stress in your children (my GP would do it). But it really doesn't matter, they won't miss much, they can catch up, and time with their father is far far more important to them right now than school (sorry but it is, education can be caught up, time with their father can't).

I hope dh doesn't feel too guilty. Family is more important than anything.

I agree with what everyone else has said. Enjoy your family time together.

Please go and enjoy your trip. And please try to convince your DH to stop worrying. Your DCs have exemplary attendance and can catch up anything they miss. Your family time is far more important than the school's statistics at the moment.

Absolutely go and enjoy yourselves. It might feel wrong to you not to comply with the Head's decision- that is natural IMO. However, really truly the right thing to do is to take your family break and enjoy yourselves.

Children are sick all the time and miss school as a consequence- a couple of days off are not a big deal.

Please do go and try not to worry about absence being unauthorised.