DD first day at secondary school did not go well:(

[Clara1]

I know, I know she has to give it time but I am heartbroken that my DD came home from her first day at secondary school in tears. She had been really excited, albeit quite nervous, about going but is very upset that she is not in the same class as her best friend from primary school. They were the only two girls from primary school going to this particular secondary and I think it is actually a good thing that they are not in the same class. But my poor DD went to bed in floods of tears as she is really worried that she won't be able to stay best friends with this other girl. She knows that she will undoubtedly make other friends but she is very shy and finds it hard to make the first move. Also I think she finds it hard to mix in bigger groups but is ok on a one to one basis. Any tips from mumsnetters with similar experience??? Off to bed with a heavy heart.

How awful you must feel.
I would arrange for her best friend to come for tea/go the the cinema together and maybe a sleep over at the weekend anything a soon as possible so that your DD she still feels she is going to see her this will also give her something to look forward too. Then give it a couple of weeks everything is very new and very big and confusing she may find that she will see her best friend more than she thinks e.g. they may have lessons together and they can obviously meet up in break/lunch time. Encourage her to find out what clubs the school has and perhaps they can go together. If after a couple of weeks she still feels the same; still crying and anxious have a word with the school I would start off with the form teacher. Things change very quickly on Tuesday my son was unsure about his new maths teacher yesterday he really liked him.

Awww.

happygardening said what I would say.

DD and her bff went to different sec schools last year, but they have remained bffs by texting and catching up outside of school. They have also both made big new circles of friends and love their new schools, though it must have been daunting at first as they had always done everything together. Like you, her mum and I felt it was a good thing that they wouldn't be together - gives them a chance to spread their wings and try new things.

My dd went to the high school that followed on from primary. She too was gutted not to be put in a class with her bf.
However within a week or so she had made new friends, and now in yr 11 has a fantastic circle of friends and doesnt speak to old bf who is a 'slut' according to dd

Within a week or two, she's likely to make new friends. DD is very shy and didn't know anyone, when she started middle school. By the end of September, she'd got a small group of like-minded (shy, quiet) friends.

It may be worth asking if she can swap into her b/f's group. For some reason I was separated from all of my junior school friends and it took me 3 years to make new friends. Looking back I wish my parents had done something. Everyone assumes that it is easy to make friends at that age but for some children it just isn't.

I think sometimes you need to have existing friendship groups for other shy children to join.

Exactly the same has happened to my DD and her BFF also just started yr7. There has been a group of 5 BF since nursery and 3 went to one school and DD and BFF went to another in seperate classes. She is also concerned that she would lose these friends but we have all agreed to do a sleepover for all of them once a month and also DD and BFF have arranged to do one lunchtime club together so they will still see each other at least once a week. As time goes on they may all drift apart of course, but for now she has these to look forward to.

I was one of only 3 who went to my secondary school from my primary. I knew no one in my class and am painfully shy yet a friend I made in those first weeks I am still friends with far too many years later to count :)

I found my own way.