Desperate

[MissMap]

My DN age 15 is has a warm engaging personality. He is popular with his peers and teachers, but he just wont work at school or at home. He is never naughty just evasive when it comes to school work.

Teachers are starting to lose patience with him, his charisma has always got him through before,but now it looks as though his GCSE results are going to be disasterous.

He has been set lots of holiday work but he just wont do it. My sister is beside herself with worry. We have tried everything to get him to understand the magnity of the situation, if he does not do some work.

He is bright and articulate and although he is diagnosed dyselxic he has always had extra help in school and gets concessions in exams.

He is happy and well adjusted. To meet him you would be amazed to think he has this attitude to work. He is an only child and much loved but he has not been over indulged.

His friends are mainly bright and will all gain good GCSE grades and are all hoping to go on to Uni. He more than holds his own with them socially.

In his last report his teachers do not expect him to pass more than 2 GCSEs- English and Maths.

Can anyone offer any advice?

It's probably not the done thing but has your sister tried bribery?
If you get your head down and study hard after your gcses you can have x amount of cash/ holiday with friends / phone he wants or s

Before I got to the point where you mentioned dyslexia, I was already saying it in my mind.

Perhaps he needs more support with his dyslexia. Perhaps he is so supported at school that he is afraid of or daunted by the idea of studying on his own.

My other sister is an english teacher, she is younger than his mum and I (trendy and fun) and has tried to work with him, he uses every technique known to man to evade learning anything. We have over long periods of time tried different ways to encourage him eg bribery even punishments. We have been coinsistent, my Mil is an educational psychologist but even she is stumped.

He is such a great character, always fun and happy and very quick and witty.

But he does not want to learn. Occasionally he will try and then he has real

flashes of brilliance, but he wont keep it up.

He is so unusual in that he can learn, he can do very well but he just wont work.

maybe he will learn when he fails. what about the 'cool' sister, can she tell him how important it is?

as a last ditch attempt, and as much to save your sister's sanity as for him, i would essentially leave him to it....

how about sitting him down and explaining - one last time - that he will fail if he doesn't study. and will have to repeat the subjects he fails etc, in the year below all his friends. in the discussion help him to draw up a study timetable. personally, i would set a 'study time' during the school year - e.g. 1 hour in room to do homework with no computer/music every night. help him to set up his desk and all that. then if he still doesn't work, at least he can't say his mum never tried!!

I would leave him to it. I dont think there is a lot you can do. Lots of people fail at their GCSEs and then redo them as adults. Ds couldnt be bothered for soem time at the start of Y10 and had no motivation whatsoever. We tried lots of things but not bribery as I wanted him to feel self motivation as figured it was a valuable gift for life. Fortunately he did find self motivation and has had to work very hard to make up for the lack of work earlier ie retaking units, doing extra well in exams to get moved back to top group etc.

I think to some extent you need to leave him to it as well. Ultimately, if he genuinely does have a great personality he may well make a decent living in some sort of sales job. Of course it would be better if he passed his exams and not many of us start out in life saying that we want to sell cars or houses (or anything, really) but there's a fine living out there for the good salespeople.

It is also possible that he is simply immature and that some dire results will give him the boot up the bum he needs and he'll re-sit and do his best then.

Nothing helpful to offer except to say that DS like this - sweet natured ,almost too little trouble ..... gets extra time for exams ,but won't work .
Evasion .... dear Lord if they awarded qualifications in prevarication and work avoidance he'd be flying .

OP Why do you entitle your thread Desperate?
Seems to me there are plenty of people who can and should help him in your family.
Not being rude, but why put this on MN?
I sympathise with your sister, btw. It must be infuriating and upsetting for her.
Can't see this thread being much help though. Sorry I can't be more positive.

I think his personality could well be a compensating strategy for his dyslexia. Ie he can't really do the work and this is his way of deflecting it.

Or at least that is exactly what my DD is like - except we know she can't do the work.....

We have had a lot of success with a variety of alternative dyslexia therapies. DD is younger so it's easier - but that would be my recommendation. Try to cure his dyslexia, using whichever dyslexia treatment you have the most faith in.

Crossword I suppose we put it on mn in the hope that someone would observe that they had been in this situation and XYZ helped to remedy it.

We are grateful that people have taken the time to reply and all replies have been helpful and have given food for thought.

I forgot to say that my DN is very gifted musically. He has also taken leading roles in school productions.

He like millions of deluded teenagers believes that stardom is just around the corner, but then who can say if they are wrong!

Thank you all for your replies.