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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

On report any suggestions for a positive outcome

19 replies

Foyled · 25/03/2011 12:57

My Y12 DD is on report to help boost her grades and stop her from being late. Any suggestions as to how I can help this work?

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ElsieR · 25/03/2011 13:18

Hi,
I would use this opportunity to enhance communication btw myself and DC, spending maybe more time de-briefing the school day ie: what went well, not so well, what I am glad I have done today etc...
I would agree with DC on a certain number of tick or positive comments on the report that would mean a special privilege for that week such as going or hosting a sleepover, deciding on the menu for one dinner, being allowed to go shopping in town with some friends and such like rather than rewarding with money or buying stuff.
It would be a motivator for DC to reach her target and understand the concept that you have to work to get some things and if you don't you don't get these things.

Original poster

Foyled · 25/03/2011 15:29

Thanks, must think of something suitable...

Anyone had to go through this? I have but don't think I did too well last time.

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webwiz · 25/03/2011 16:51

What does your DD think about it Foyled? Does she agree that she needs a bit of watching over or is she annoyed about it?

DD1 managed to lose all sixth form privileges by the time she got to year 13 - no home study, not allowed out at lunchtime and all study periods had to be spent in the library. It wasn't just about grades though as there was some quite appalling behaviour going on as well so I was glad of a bit of back up from school.

Original poster

Foyled · 25/03/2011 17:26

Actually quite positive, it was sold to her as a way of helping rather than a punishment, I thought the school had given up on her so I'm sort of pleased...

How did you DD do in the end?

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webwiz · 25/03/2011 17:41

She missed her grades but was still accepted by her first choice university and unbelievably is incredibly hard working now. We had lots of extra issues like an "unsuitable" boyfriend who thought A levels were a waste of time and the fact that she just needed to grow up!

If your DD is positive about it then its a good thing and it might give her a push to get on top of her work.

Original poster

Foyled · 25/03/2011 21:25

Report starts on Monday, she seemed very positive and motivated about it, but has now disappeared (upstairs) and I haven't a clue what she is doing, it is almost like she 'forgets' about everything.

No boyfriend to complicate things though...phew!

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Original poster

Foyled · 28/03/2011 10:49

Not a very productive weekend, she flew off the handle when I mentioned work and I haven't agreed any sort of reward system because I can't think of anything suitable...

She was probably late this morning as I left her in bed after waking her three times to no avail. DH woke her in the end...

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IndigoBell · 28/03/2011 11:12

I wouldn't put a reward system in place. Can backfire really badly (see other recent thread)

You need to support her and support school. But a short term reward won't do this. eg are you going to reward her every week for getting to school on time? For the next X years? What about when she gets a job?

She needs to realise that getting where you are meant to on time is important. Not do this because she is hoping for a reward. But doing it because it is important.

So I'd discuss with her (if you can) whether or not she thinks it's important to get to school on time, and if she does think it's important find out why she thinks it's hard to do this, and help her come up with her own solution to this problem.....

And if she doesn't think it's important, and you can't convince her that it is, then school need to talk to her or change something so that she realises it is important.

(Same with working hard.)

Original poster

Foyled · 28/03/2011 12:41

What is the other recent thread indigobell? Thanks for your suggestions, I do try and talk to her, (although I'm not very good at it) she just zones out really, but unfortunately while she is in the bathroom so I can't get to her to bring her round, also often I've left the house by that stage.

Suspect she stays up far longer than she is meant to, so very tired in the mornings.

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Original poster

Foyled · 28/03/2011 15:07

Does anyone know what the other recent thread was?

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IndigoBell · 28/03/2011 15:14

I had a look for it and couldn't find it. Could have sworn I read a long thread on this yesterday.

Someone offered their DN a reward if they got so many good grades on report (he got a number out of 5 each lesson), and then they found out he was doctoring it and changing the number that was written....

sowhatshallido · 28/03/2011 15:27

had ds on report several times and i find it useful to see what teachers do actually comment !

Re lateness element - was one of his issues but didnt really get resolved on report.

Was useful to be able to put my own comments on to feedback to the teachers. (at least they know you give a stuff as obviously compared to primary there is little communication between teachers and parents)

Original poster

Foyled · 29/03/2011 13:29

Indigobell, I found it! I don't think my DD would do that, but also it would be hard to do as the teachers have to write a comment so the two things would not tally.

I have not gone down the reward route though partly because of what you said.

First report mentioned some missing homework, when I asked her about how she planned to get it done she flew off the handle and said I was interfering, unfortunately I had signed the report at this stage, but I said if she wasn't prepared to let me have some input then I would not sign the reports and she could explain why to the school.

Could be an interesting evening...

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sowhatshallido · 29/03/2011 14:18

Or you could sign it with a comment from you about having asked about the missing homework and not had a satisfactory response from your dd and how you are happy to back up the school with any disciplinary procedure behaviour management they see fit (dd might not like that comment, but its only you, her and the teachers that see it, and at least it shows her and the school that you are on the same side)

webwiz · 29/03/2011 14:55

I would just go down the route that this is an opportunity for you to find out all the things that are going on for your DD. So you now know she isn't doing all her homework when I presume she's been saying she's on top of it.

Will you have an opportunity to talk to someone at the school face to face? When DD1 was at her worst a meeting with the fair but fierce head of sixth form did her the world of good. She was in year 13 by then and obviously it was worth trying to get her to just get on with her work for a bit longer. If she had been in year 12 there may have been a question about whether she was allowed to stay on.

I think sometimes kids just don't seem to be able to understand the consequences of their actions and the fact that the exam system lets them have another go if they don't get their act together doesn't always help. DD2 is in a class of 3 for one of her subjects and one of the boys repeatedly doesn't do his homework you would think he would have realised by now that he will always be found out!

Original poster

Foyled · 29/03/2011 22:36

Big row, nothing achieved, report still not signed...

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Original poster

Foyled · 29/03/2011 23:19

She has been on report before in Yr 12 when I enquired how things were going in the 6th form. This was as a result of concerns in Yr 11 when she wasn't performing well, she managed to turn it round for GCSE but I wanted to know all was OK. This escalated from one level of report to another until she was under threat of being thrown out (mainly due to lateness) I sorted out the lateness (making me late for work) but we are in walking distance now, so again it is up to her. We had a face to face without her in Yr 11 and one with in Yr 12. She seems to think I am causing all the upheaval by being pushy and that she can sort things out for herself, hence my inclination to not fill in the form.

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Original poster

Foyled · 30/03/2011 10:21

I meant sign it, not fill it in.

I did sign it in the end, mainly because it would have got her in further trouble which wasn't really my intention and also it would have looked like I can't be bothered, which isn't the case.

I'm so confused...

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Original poster

Foyled · 02/04/2011 15:33

Bit of an update, mixed week but then stayed up most of the night Thursday completing coursework and a piece of homework.

Came home having worked her study periods, break etc. improving the coursework, she had good reports from all her lessons and was very upbeat, made me wonder if I should keep her up late every night.

By the time DH got home tiredness had kicked in and they had words, but all in all I think a step in the right direction.

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