Boys - single sex or mixed? Any views?

[3littlebears]

I have 3 boys. No girls! Nearby we have an outstanding boys-only state secondary. There is also a mixed comp which is less academic, has poorer results and is generally less desirable. Within a few miles, but we would have to move, are 3 top-rated, fantastic mixed state schools, all highly sought after. I have an aversion to single-sex schools, founded on nothing apart from my gut feeling. What experience do you have? Is it worth moving to get near a good mixed school, or can an all-boys school stIll breed happy, balanced individuals?!

I know plenty of happy balanced men who went to all boys schools - it's definitely possible.

There are pros and cons both ways.

I think being in a single sex school puts less social pressure on teenagers (boy or girl) - they are not judged so much on their looks or success with the opposite sex, which can happen in a mixed sex school. Probably more of an issue for girls than boys though.

On the other hand their experience of the opposite sex will be more limited which can leave them feeling a bit naive when they get to university. Though they quickly learn!

I seem to recall the statistics show that academically, boys do better in mixed sex, girls in single sex. but it's only very slight.

One frequent compromise is single sex until GSCEs then mixed for 6th form - could that work for you?

well, we're only 3 years into single sex secondary with ds1 so don't know whether he'll end up as happy and balanced, but he's certainly happy and balanced so far . He's not in a completely girl-free environment though as he spends a lot of time outside school doing a girl-dominated sport

He actively wanted to go to a boys' school - seeing his friends from school, they are on the whole much 'younger' than his friends who are at mixed schools (none has a girlfriend, for instance), but I don't think that's actually a bad thing at this point (they are only 13 after all)

one of his friends was moved from a co-ed school after his parents had sat through prize day where 54 out of the 57 prizes on offer for his year group went to girls. They wanted somewhere where he wasn't constantly being compared to neat, compliant girls (yes, I know huge stereotype, but that's how the teachers at his old school saw them)

I agree with mini also single sex school can assist social development a lot plus they are not having to deal with a mixture of teenagers and all that entails so they help boys (or girls) in their development socially because there are not the daily conflicts that can distract and they help boys to become very independent. sorry if that is hard to follow in a rush.

basilb... very good points too!

Single sex is great for allowing boys to feel comfortable taking 'female' subjects. When I taught drama at a boy school I had two full GCSE classes, at a mixed school now I only have 4 boys taking GCSE. It's a similar story in the languages department.

I sort of have a similar dilemma - in my case all the nearby mixed schools are oversubscribed so we would have to move or accept a worse one further away. So our most likely option now is a single sex school. One benefit I think is that teaching will be better geared towards how boys learn. My main worry at the moment is that ds1 may not be tough enough to cope at this particular school.

I am a teacher in a school for boys only up to 16 with girls in 6th form. I send my son and daughter to local mixed comp, though! There are swings and roundabouts. I think the thing about freer choice of subjects is true. But I think that seeing my son have girl friends who are just friends and my daughter having friends who are boys is so important. The boys at my school are very immature and are not able to relate to the 6th form girls very comfortably. It is a VERY sexist school (staff included). Also, there can be difficulties for boys who are gay or not stereotypically macho in an all- boys environment. You need to visit all the schools and get the FEEL for what they are like. Good luck!

Very tricky question we are wrestling with too. Me and DW have mixed views.

I went to a mixed state Primary then single sex private boys boarding secondary. DW mixed state Primary then single sex girls grammar.

DSs go to a very girl heavy 80:20 girl:boy Prep at the moment and then we plan for them to go on to single sex boys private day school up to 18.

My feeling is that single sex boys boarding is frankly a weird place to go to school although I enjoyed it. I think a mixed day school can be good for boys but can be too much pressure for teenage girls.

Single sex boys day school plus lots of outside mixed social activity we hope will be best of both worlds. No distraction in the classroom but socialisation outside.

My own experience is that slightly puts me off boys only schools is that it can be a bit 'Boys Own' rugby club and a 'men will be men' attitude which I absolutely hate.

Careful chloice of school on the basis of its culture is very important. My advice is talk to as many people as possible about the schools you might choose from and get a feel for how each is perceived on a cultural/attitude level and how the boys turn out.

Yes - Qumquat and Basildon's posts both illustrate that at mixed sex schools there is a danger of gender stereotyping i.e. boys ending up doing more "male" things and girls more "female" things. Less chance of that at single sex schools, as everyone does everything. At my girls school 90% of the year took Maths A level and there were at least 20 girls taking Physics, I'm not sure that would have happened at a mixed sex school.

Also agree with the "younger" thing. The children at the local mixed school were definitely more "streetwise" and "developed" than the girls at my school. But being "younger" in that way is not a bad thing at all IMO.

DH and I both went to singel-sex selective secondaries and found them very isolating places.

However despite our experiences we ended up choosing an all-boys senior school for DS as on balance was the school most suited to his needs where we live. He absolutely loves it!! he loves the fact that it's cool and acceptable to work hard and get good marks; he loves that it's cool to be good at English and languages (wasn't at his previous, mixed school). He loves the camaraderie of the sports teams and the overall ethos of the school. Plus he socialises with a big group of girls from a nearby girls' school and the two schools organise joint activities. So all in all would say it's been the best of both worlds for DS.

I must say that observing the mixed secondary school where our DSs would be going if they just carried on where they are the boys seem relaxed around the girls.

However, I can see the girls are under a lot of pressure to dress a certain way and be 'pretty' but it does not seem to affect the boys too much - although there is a fair bit of fraternising both on the way to and from school in the side streets round our house which suggest there is quite a bit of pressure to have a 'girl/boyfriend'.

Thanks - some really interesting points made here - perhaps single sex is not so awful, particularly with minipie's idea of mixing in sixth form. The school I have in mind does have close links with our town's girls school - if it is such a good school, surely it must already have ways of ensuring the boys occasionally encounter girls! I think I agree that I have to go and get a feel for the place myself and ask these questions. What extracurricular activities as teenagers involve boys and girls?! Are Scouts now mixed?

Scouts is mixed yes. Any kind of local music/drama activities will be a good mix of boys and girls or things like kayaking, scuba diving....

Also, DS' school runs lots of drama and music activities that are open to girls from the nearby school so they mix that way too.

It is quite a progressive school and they are very clued up on the potential benefits of encouraging social mixing with girls - eg the new state-of-the-art 6th form centre is also open to all the girls in the 6th form at the nearby school at lunchtimes if they want to eat there, use the library and watch tv/loung around playing pool with the boys. Apparently it hasn't had any negative impact on academic performance and has meant more boys staying on in the 6th form.

They are also looking at offering some joint AS levels to pool resources and widen the social net in subjects like psychology and critical thinking.

As other have said, it's definitely worth a visit to see for yourself - and try to chat to boys already there to get a realistic picture. We looked at two boys' schools and guaged very quickly which one tried harder to forge links with the girls' school and where the boys were more socially active.

OP, I think if at all possible you need to set aside any prejudices you may have from your own experience and go and look round the schools so you can judge what would best suit your DSs.

Our DS goes to an all-boys school and loves it (as do we), while our DD goes to a mixed school (she would hate an all-girl environment).

Bear in mind, too, that it?s entirely possible that different schools will suit your different DSs ? sorry if that makes things even more complicated!