Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Scotsnet

Welcome to Scotsnet - discuss all aspects of life in Scotland, including relocating, schools and local areas.

Original poster

Will we ever “fit in”?

68 replies

ellabellaaaa · 13/12/2024 14:32

Myself (33, F) and my DH (34, M) moved to Scotland in 2016, the first couple of years in Glasgow and the past 6 years in Edinburgh. We are both from SE England.

A (Scottish) work friend recently said that if myself and DH have children in Scotland, they will never fully fit in and will most likely be bullied for having English parents.

Over the years, we have occasionally received comments along the lines of “when are you going home” and some (mostly friendly) mocking of our accents but never anything overtly anglophobic.

The comments of my friend have been weighing on mind and I’ve been feeling more that I can’t stay in Scotland to raise a family (we are 100s of
miles from our nearest relative so building a support network with other parents will be important if we have kids).

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Innocentrailway · 13/12/2024 14:42

What a strange comment by your work colleague. In my dc's primary school class in Edinburgh, I would estimate probably around half the children had at least one parent from outside Scotland, and many with both non Scottish parents. I am English and my dc have never felt not accepted by their peers because of this - the idea would be ludicrous to them.

I occasionally have encountered some anti English sentiment in my many years here, but it's been pretty mild and I definitely feel at home here.

BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop · 13/12/2024 14:45

Did they, aye?
These threads pop up every so often- I hardly ever hear that kind of talk, especially in Edinburgh. If every non- Scottish person left Edinburgh, the population would half overnight.

BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop · 13/12/2024 14:50

@Innocentrailway love your username btw

EBoo80 · 13/12/2024 14:51

Another person here shocked to hear a Scottish person in Edinburgh said that to you. I’m married to an English person and both my kids sound English. I think there are parts of Scotland where your accent might stand out. Even there I don’t think you would be ostracised. And in Edinburgh, I’d be amazed if anyone even noticed?
Get new ‘friends’? That one sounds like an imbecile.

Original poster
ellabellaaaa · 13/12/2024 14:58

Thank you alI, really appreciate the replies and the reassurance. As you might be able to tell, I was pretty shocked by what my friend said which was probably made worse by me already worrying about having kids so far from family. It’s been really playing on my mind. I started looking at jobs and houses online back down South, but we both love Edinburgh and don’t want to move back.

Tbh I think it stems for my friend’s own experience at school 2 decades ago, having one parent from London and getting some stick for it.

You’re right that there’s loads of people from outwith Scotland, particularly in Edinburgh. Despite that, my friend seemed to be of the view that having two English parents is the worst possible situation, which is clearly not something we can change!

OP posts:
EBoo80 · 13/12/2024 15:13

Nonsense.
plus you use the word outwith which is the most significant thing about being Scottish anyway

theferry · 13/12/2024 15:25

DH and I are both English. DDs have never been the focus of any comments at all. They have a pure Scottish accent so there’s no way children would be able to tell their parents are English. DH was the focus of some anti-English comments at work, but they were a group of arseholes anyway.

JustHiker · 13/12/2024 15:29

Honestly? Stop being so wet about this. My parents are from two different places, I was raised in another and now have a family in another place entirely. I have never, and will never, 'fit in' in the classic sense. Fitting in is massively overrated - let it go and enjoy your life! People all over the world say obtuse things like your colleague - ignore them.

Livinginaclock · 13/12/2024 15:31

I'm English, my daughter is 23, born and brought up here near Glasgow, and neither of us have been bullied.

BarnacleBeasley · 13/12/2024 15:32

I live in Scotland and my DCs have got two English mums. It doesn't seem to be a problem so far!

MightySnail · 13/12/2024 15:37

I mean are you actually considering moving your entire lives because of a throwaway comment by one twit? Get a thicker skin!
If everyone around you was saying the same you might have a point. But one person?

Breamresubmitted · 13/12/2024 15:52

You use the word "outwith" correctly! You and your children will be absolutely fine. Embracing "outwith" is practically going native!

outdooryone · 13/12/2024 16:14

Utter nonsense from your 'friend'.

I have been here for 20 years of my life and raised children, now adults with Scottish accent.. Never have I ever felt uncomfortable or had any racism. Closest I have had is a few 'what part of England is that accent from?' or 'Are you on holiday type questions'.

Your wee trouble making colleague needs telling that she is a stirrer, borderline racist....

You enjoy living here - it is fabulous. I would not move south of the border again.

Nolegusta · 13/12/2024 16:19

I had some anti Scottish comments when I lived in England, but it was mostly from folk who spent their time looking for things to moan about/criticise in others. Perhaps the eejits who made the comments to you are of a similar disposition? 😁

Lemonade2011 · 13/12/2024 16:24

That’s madness, I work in Edinburgh (with pre school babies/kids) so I meet lots of parents, Edinburgh is very diverse, there are many many English parents there, all with kids In nursery etc there’s more in some areas than others, I’ve met people from all over the world in my job, it’s really interesting to meet different people. I really wouldn’t worry at all about fitting in. My mum is English, I was born and brought up up north, I fit in fine too. Whoever has said that to you op is stirring, ignore and crack on…🥰 I may even meet you via work one day with your children

TamiTaylorIsMyParentingGuru · 13/12/2024 16:25

OP I hear you. I am N.Irish and DH is English. We both moved to Scotland for university and stayed for 24 years. We were married there and all our DC were born there. We never fitted in and it was made very clear to us (and our DC) that we were outsiders - esp with the Scotland-centric focus on education at primary level. We left 6 years ago and moved to NI - every one of us feels more at home here - our DC (all teens or almost teens when we moved here) were instantly accepted by their peers despite being “Scottish” and having an English father. They would all call themselves N.Irish. DH feels more at home
here than he ever did in 2 1/2 decades in Scotland.

Nolegusta · 13/12/2024 16:26

TamiTaylorIsMyParentingGuru · 13/12/2024 16:25

OP I hear you. I am N.Irish and DH is English. We both moved to Scotland for university and stayed for 24 years. We were married there and all our DC were born there. We never fitted in and it was made very clear to us (and our DC) that we were outsiders - esp with the Scotland-centric focus on education at primary level. We left 6 years ago and moved to NI - every one of us feels more at home here - our DC (all teens or almost teens when we moved here) were instantly accepted by their peers despite being “Scottish” and having an English father. They would all call themselves N.Irish. DH feels more at home
here than he ever did in 2 1/2 decades in Scotland.

Which part of Scotland?

AgnesX · 13/12/2024 16:33

That's your friend's opinion.

Where I work I reckon at least half are English - and some other nationalities and their kids come in with wee Scots accents (which can be really funny when their parents are Brummies!) They all fit in well from what I can see.

Please don't worry - like anywhere there some right idiots but most people have no problem. The world has moved on.

MissEloiseBridgerton · 13/12/2024 16:36

Sorry that's nonsense. I have English parents, and was born in England myself although lived here since I was 1.

I have never ever been bullied. Never not fit in. I have lived in multiple areas of Scotland, North East, Fife and Edinburgh. Half the folk in Edinburgh are English!

MarkingBad · 13/12/2024 16:42

Over the years, we have occasionally received comments along the lines of “when are you going home” and some (mostly friendly) mocking of our accents but never anything overtly anglophobic.

Heard that since I was at school and we moved counties in England 40 odd years ago and still get it today.

You are always going to find tossers everywhere you go.

SparklyDeer · 13/12/2024 16:47

As a Scottish child with english parents I think it depends where you live in Scotland. Edinburgh is fine...other areas not so much. If your kids end up with a Scottish accent they will be fine. My sibling had a mostly english accent due to parents accent and they were badly bullied. I put on a strong scottish accent at school and was fine.
My Scottish friend needs to move back to Scotland as her parents are ill but her kids sound home counties english... she is not moving back for this reason as they will be bullied where in Scotland she is from...

Whijfif · 13/12/2024 17:01

You’re right that there’s loads of people from outwith Scotland, particularly in Edinburgh.

Don't worry @ellabellaaaa you can consider yourself a true Scot as you used the word "outwith"

Hollyhollyberry · 13/12/2024 17:04

I never knew Scottish had umbridge with the English till I lived with a Scot 😂

In the more densely populated areas I think your kids would be fine. In some remote villages you could have a problem!

TamiTaylorIsMyParentingGuru · 13/12/2024 17:11

Nolegusta · 13/12/2024 16:26

Which part of Scotland?

Show quote history

North East - city for most of the 24 years, rural town for 7 of those. It was definitely worse in the rural town, but still pretty bad in the city - and esp in the primary school in the city. (Rural primary school was more inclusive)

LadyDanburysHat · 13/12/2024 17:12

Breamresubmitted · 13/12/2024 15:52

You use the word "outwith" correctly! You and your children will be absolutely fine. Embracing "outwith" is practically going native!

I was going to say the same. Outwith is a proper Scottish word. I live in the Borders my DC have on Englosh parent and one Scottish parent. They have many many friends in the same situation. My husband doesn't sound Scottish either.

I would say half of Edinburgh even if Scottish don't talk with a Scottish accent anyway. Your future DC will be absolutely fine.