Will we ever “fit in”?

[ellabellaaaa]

Myself (33, F) and my DH (34, M) moved to Scotland in 2016, the first couple of years in Glasgow and the past 6 years in Edinburgh. We are both from SE England.

A (Scottish) work friend recently said that if myself and DH have children in Scotland, they will never fully fit in and will most likely be bullied for having English parents.

Over the years, we have occasionally received comments along the lines of “when are you going home” and some (mostly friendly) mocking of our accents but never anything overtly anglophobic.

The comments of my friend have been weighing on mind and I’ve been feeling more that I can’t stay in Scotland to raise a family (we are 100s of
miles from our nearest relative so building a support network with other parents will be important if we have kids).

Thoughts?

I’m so fed up of this awful behaviour from my fellow Scots. I’m sorry you had to experience this OP.

I do think this is a racist attitude that comes from people who are insecure and have never experienced life outside their ‘bubble’

to PP saying it’s made up, stop trying to downplay and minimise this disgusting prejudice. I’ve started to immediately pull up and shut down any racist banter said to me and it works. Hopefully they will reconsider how awful their views and comments are, however innocuous they believe them to be.

it doesn’t help with the likes Alan Cummings spouting rubbish about the theatre in Pitlochry and folk joining in on social media thinking they are in a safe racist place and calling out all the English incomers. Why he gets such publicity I never know. Funny how it’s always the Scottish male actors who do not live in Scotland who feel the need to impress their Scottish independent views on us.

Excuse me, @ThatAgileCoralBird , what makes your experience any more valid than mine? I said I’ve hardly ever heard it, and that’s true, I haven’t. Nobody says it doesn’t exist at all, but you get dickheads everywhere. I lived in London for four years, over the referendum, and got my fair share of comments there as well- “funny” accent, all my pals are IV drug users, that Scotland is backwards.

It is disgraceful, and should be called out- that doesn’t mean it’s common, in my experience. Most of the people I know think that stuffs boggin’ patter.

Won’t be a problem, especially not in Edinburgh!

I have two English parents and grew up in Aberdeen and it was fine. Occasional comment but not bullied about it. I have kids now and I don’t think it’s a big deal for them.

That's horrible for you. Ops kids won't be English. They will have been born and raised in Scotland. It is very unlikely that their experience will be anything like yours.

That's horrible for you. Ops kids won't be English. They will have been born and raised in Scotland. It is very unlikely that their experience will be anything like yours.

My children were born in Scotland, they still got bullied to some extent, more because of their German mother than their English-NZ father but that didn't make it better. That was rural West coast Scotland, I assume it might be a bit different in Edinburgh.

@Hollyhollyberry Me too - I had no idea until I actually moved to Scotland 🤦🏼‍♀️ When I admitted that to someone in Scotland, they said that was a classic English “coloniser” attitude. I‘ve felt far more about being English since living in Scotland than I ever did in the preceding 25 years living in England.

That’s pretty normal, OP. I didn’t really think about being Scottish until I lived in England 😂

I would agree with this, having family who moved to the highlands, that there is anti English sentiment in areas…but equally this may be as much about village life and small minded people from the sort of background who will never leave and experience a different sort of life ….and how kids are great at picking out a difference of any sort to bully someone with. It’s mad really as population decline is a real issue in some parts of Scotland and it’s a beautiful country but essential services need people to move there and work!

I’m not sure how I feel about my new-found English identity 🤣

Was exactly the same for me - didn't move to Scotland from England, don't particularly identify as English, someone referred to England as my 'real home' and I was a bit taken aback as I don't feel like that at all. But I suspect that's more about me than anything else and @BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop is right that's probably just what happens when you move away.

My DH is English and my kids don’t get any hassle at all. He hasn’t experienced any anti Englishness for years.

we are in Fife.

your friend is odd.

I grew up in Dumfries & Galloway. DM was English, DF Scottish and I have an English accent. There was the odd comment at school about being “posh” but that was it. Area was/is full of boho English people, wasn’t unusual even back then.

My husband and I are immigrants to Scotland from the states. We live in Edinburgh and our two kids were born here. My daughter has two accents - one for school where she sounds 100% Scottish and one for home. I am not entirely sure which is ‘real’ for her as she seems to automatically code switch.

as we are immigrants, the majority of our friends are as well (not because we are racist, because we have a group of friends we lean on like family and spend christmas with etc) and my kids’ schools are super diverse (on purpose - we also happen to be Jewish which is more of an issue).

i have absolutely heard plenty of ‘jokes’ ‘anyone but England’ during her football etc so I don’t think it’s impossible to hear plenty of comments and feel worried. But my many English friends are raising Scottish children who have never had any issues at school - they have, in one instance, had issues the other way when visiting their family in England. Plenty of bias both ways.

Not really the point but we are super happy to be raising our kids in Edinburgh. And we know plenty of people who have moved to East Lothian so I would guess lots of the towns there would be similar (though far less diverse in many ways)

total reflects their limited intelligence -is not fact. my mas english.we arent -this is home -to her as well.

Yes there is racism, or xenophobia. Fortunately it's a hate crime or hate incident if you prefer. If you suffer it, report it to the police. "When are you going home" -unacceptable to a person of colour - unacceptable to anyone.
The sooner racist turds are punished financially and by repute the better. Every Time.

I'm Scottish living in Northumberland and I would definitely recommend it. Depending on where you live you can be in Edinburgh in 45 min to an hour by train and between an hour /hour and a half driving.

I moved from the rural North-East of Scotland to the central belt when I was 8 and got teased a bit about my "teuchter" accent but the novelty wore off pretty quickly as did the accent.

scots and english are near enough identical in culture despite the superficialities.

but tensions do arise most often when you air drop a family into communities with a big wealth difference

i remember a friend telling me a story about when he used to live and work as a construction worker in spain, long gruelling hours on low pay to support his family, barely spoke any spanish. he was beloved in the village he lived in. in their words "brother you are not a gringo, you are poor like us"

he was treated quite differently when he ventured into the city, both by richer spaniards and 'expats'.

english families that airdrop into rural scottish villages are invariably 'different' but accent is only the most superficial reason

in some edinburgh primaries i'd go so far to say scottish is the minority accent. for better or worse, english kids are unlikely to get bullied in such schools

I grew up on the outskirts of Edinburgh and went to uni there. Even born and bred it was fairly hard to strike up new friendships. I think perhaps people remain nearby and in close school/ uni friend groups. Moved away and then back to Wedt Linton - I’m sure half the village must be English. Nobody cares a jot where anyone is from I honestly wouldn’t worry about that at all. Plenty of friends here are English or have English partners nobody even gives it a thought. Also I think it’s been easier to make friends in the village as everyone is a lot more open to it so maybe when you move to a town/ village it will be easier to make those connections.