Violent child in primary class

[Choufleuretbattenberg]

Looking to find out what we can do about a violent child in our daughters primary class. Happy to out myself if necessary. A boy in the class has behaved in a pretty shocking way for a long time now, and this week was my daughters turn to be on the recieveing end. He verbally threatened her to 'stab her in the eye', and then left the area, collected a pencil and then returned and poked her in the ear with it - fortunately not the eye.

School say they are doing all they can for the boy. They say there is no chance of him being moved, it's an inclusive society and they have a duty of care to all students. Even if he had blinded my daughter with the pencil, he would still have continued at school with them.

They also warned that if we move our daughters class or school there could be worse problems elsewhere.

I'm checking to see if this is actually correct? Does anyone have any experience of dealing with a violent child? Is this really all I can do for my daughter?

Ugh. We had (have) this in my DD’s class. She’s P7 now and looking back I wish I had changed her school when I first brought up concerns in P2/3. She’s doing okay herself and is well behaved etc. etc. but seems to think violence is normal in a classroom and nothing unusual which I think is sad.

My child was injured by another pupil at school. He needed treatment in A&E and two follow up appointments at the hospital, not to mention the psychological damage he suffered from bullying at the time. The perpetrators suffered no consequences because they were deemed to be vulnerable (and my bullied son was not!).
Unfortunately there are no longer any consequences for poor behaviour in schools, kids get away with far too much from a young age.

My child is still having ongoing dental treatment after his face was smashed against a sink, and suffers psychological problems from being put in dustbins, punched, and finally having his head stamped on. All this time, we were complaining and reporting. We only had one school available to us, and the HT kept insisting there was no bullying at her school. The child who did most of the bullying has the grandchild of a teacher at the school. There were a few token efforts to help him(the bully, never my child), but mostly that seemed to involve trips out with a social worker, to swimming, activities etc. I wish now that I had found a way to either make it stop, or to remove him.

Unfortunately, all the children I've seen who were bullies in primary school don't fare well in secondary. Our local school is much stricter on behaviour like that, and it genuinely isn't tolerated. If I had the time again, I would have removed my son and made a huge noise about why I was doing that. Of course every school has its problems, but the attitude of the HT here tells you all you need to know.

Sorry, I forgot to say, my son is 18 and at uni now, but one of his brothers has had a similar problem (another child tried to strangle and then drown him). New HT now, so it was dealt with much more effectively, thankfully. But even then, it took me actually being there and witnessing an incident, then making a massive fuss, for anything effective to be done.

That sounds awful @BigglyBee, it’s such a horrible thing to happen to your child and difficult to deal with as a parent.
My ds was bullied in primary and the early years of secondary. Unfortunately neither school did much about bullying but I think the problems at secondary are influenced by the failure to address bullying in primary schools.
Thankfully my son who is now 16 had a great counsellor (at great cost!) and he has completely reinvented himself. He’s grown so much as a person but what an awful journey it was. I think it would be a different story had I not been able to pay for the counsellor and provide the support he needed at home.
Any HT that thinks there is no bullying in their school is deluded!

Our council will not do anything much unless "a weapon is involved". What their definition of a weapon is, I'm not quite sure as anything in a classroom could be construed as a weapon if it's used to assault or injure a pupil or member of staff.
It wasn't until a parent wrote to the school threatening to go to the police and press about what was going on on a regular basis, that they did anything about it.

Yes our Council use the "every behaviour is communication" line. Tough if your child is the target. I'm horrified my child will say things like "we have to forgive Johnny for destroying the classroom yesterday, he has had a hard life". And then we are surprised that the mumsnet relationship boards are full of women saying "I don't blame him for beating me, he has a hard life and is sorry". It's not easy to solve at a school level though I don't think.

It's horrendous. Education letting down those with special needs and those without. No one wins including staff.

Thanks for sharing everyone. It's not a great situation, but it seems that's where we are and not much we can do but leave. I'm waiting to see if anything else happens before we leave, as my daughter has such wonderful friends, but I don't see anything changing.

There was an interesting article in the Herald yesterday on this topic.
www.heraldscotland.com/business_hq/23292635.teacher-reveals-failings-causing-turmoil-glasgow-school/

Apologies if someone has already posted this.

The restorative approach that is used widely in schools does not work, it
serves nothing other than to invalidate the injuries and feelings of the victim.

"School say they are doing all they can for the boy"

BIG BOLLOCKS. I'd like to know that they're doing all they can to protect the other kids from him.

What did you end up doing OP?

Facing a similar situation in my youngest’s school.
The school won’t tell me what they are doing to protect my child from 2 other violent children in the class that I assume have SEND needs due to the emails that are being sent to the whole school in response to a lot of parental complaints.
starting to think the best course of action is to change schools.

@Pidgythe2nd tag the op

Education Secretary Jenny Gilruth on BBC Sunday show admitted she had not read a report published last week about violence in schools. .Her interview was very dismissive and defensive. The usual SNP blame game. She looked totally incompetent… shocking.

Ohh snap. I've just made the same comment on the SNP thread.

Schools hands are tied. The rules around exclusions are very tight. It is extremely difficult to exclude a child. If that child has send it is even more difficult.

We moved our child to private. Totally transformational. Badly behaved kids are kicked out. No violence and teachers get to teach, not deal with disruption. Kids get a full period of knowledge. Yes it costs a fortune but we save a lot on counselling (because CAMHS is also non-existent here we had to go private).

The question you need to ask is what are they doing to ensure the safety of your child. They have a duty of care to ensure all children are safe.

A friend has a child who is violent at primary school. The child has ASN and is overwhelmed by a mainstream school environment - they cannot cope and lack of impulse control means PSAs, teachers and children are at the receiving end of his meltdowns and outbursts.

Please do not think these children are all undisciplined brats of uncaring parents. My friend has been pulling her hair out for years trying to get the correct support, in an ASN setting. The school have been constantly minimising it all. There used to be specialist settings for these children with expert support but they have all closed in favour of ‘inclusion’ and councils are loath to pay for the few independent ones that remain.

It is really awful. Both your child and the violent child would be in a much better situation if the other child could be in an establishment that met his needs better. Unfortunately due to the mainstreaming duty this terrible situation persists. I have 2 boys one NT and perfectly behaved who used to be bullied and abused by the “problem child” and another ND who couldn’t cope in class although he wasn’t violent. So I see both sides. Sad as it is I think you may need to move your daughter. You shouldn’t have to but maybe it is the only way things will ever change x

Absolutely. This child is not having his needs met. That’s absolutely not the OP’s problem and her daughter should not be a punchbag. But it’s the shit broken system we have

‘inclusion’ is cheaper though innit? And sounds nice and warm and cuddly…

Why should she?

children cannot be forced to move schools or even class. It only happens if the parent allows it and if the bully is vulnerable it is recommended that the parent / guardian does not give permission. Hence it’s the victim that is forced to move. Another way the state victimised the victim. Appalling.

No she shouldn’t. But nor should she hold back from raising it with school because the violent child might be vulnerable. Having pressure applied from ‘both ends’ might force the council to take action and fork out for the specialist provision.

No one thinks that. But other people's kids should not have to be the punchbags.